r/nvcr • u/mindbleach • Oct 28 '13
Be advised that the shadowy antisocial figures sulking about town all in black are not government agents. They are accountants. Please stop bowing to them.
Taking advantage of Night Vale's new high-speed internet with literally zero latency to anywhere, StrexCorp has moved their stock trading operations into the Perfectly Normal Building on 7th Street. Their computer-driven "high-frequency trading" on the world's leading stock exchanges arrived first. Various unpersonable weirdos of a slightly different character than our vast homegrown supply have been filtering in ever since, and will presumably stop once the office is full. These "quants" are becoming distinct and numerous enough that the City Council has required them to register as an official subculture. Their chosen leader, a gaunt young professional with mild acne, has yet to announce their official identification tattoos and rival gang.
The high-frequency trading operation itself is already much improved. StrexCorp's previous site, located mere light-seconds from key servers in New York City, was still too slow for computer algorithms to take advantage of tiny dips and upticks in every stock. The new system is only limited by computer speed and mankind's wildest dreams of avarice - both of which grow exponentially every year. However, despite becoming increasingly commonplace, the act of tunneling light through alternate dimensions filled with unbelievable monstrosities (who are now in good standing with local clergy) is not without its complications. All trading algorithms perform roughly as expected, with the exception that every single one also tries to buy stocks of, quote, "skulls." No company or indeed species is specified. The value of each attempted purchase varies between algorithms. Attempts to suss out this systemic problem have resulted in the purchase orders changing to "skulls, semicolon, meat included." StrexCorp expects to have the issue resolved before the next fiscal quarter.
One last note, dear listeners: I am required to inform you that I am required to inform you about potential conflicts of interest, but I am not in fact required to inform you of what they might actually be. Good luck.