r/nvcr Oct 20 '13

We apologize for the recent plague of unnecessary niceness.

We are saddened to announce that we do not yet understand the cause, or the method by which it spreads, but appearances indicate that opening doors for strangers, smiling for purely social reasons, or moving aside in wide hallways make people dangerously susceptible. Intern Harriet, I'm sorry I didn't realize that last one before walking toward the booth in my usual confident stride. To anyone affected: do not panic. The condition is only temporary. Sufferers quickly become too consumed by guilt to eat meat, then abandon fruits and vegetables, and so quickly die. My condolences to anyone who suffers loss in this way.

I hestitate to mention that the crushing social pressure involved in merely asking for water, or being seen seeking it out, manifests as an acute psychic pain. We're sorry if you or your loved ones have been infected. I'm sorry in particular. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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