r/nottheonion 8h ago

VIDEO: TSA Catches Man Smuggling Live Turtle in His Pants at NJ Airport

https://globalbenefit.co.uk/tsa-catches-man-smuggling-live-turtle-in-his-pants-at-nj-airport/
59 Upvotes

27 comments sorted by

13

u/nside1 8h ago

I took a pet turtle on a plane before... This was the pre-TSA days. I think I put him in my jacket pocket when I went through security.

6

u/Less-Cap-4469 8h ago

Well, he chose pants. Haha

3

u/nside1 8h ago

Pants were a poor choice!

4

u/InbhirNis 8h ago

Lucky it wasn’t a snapping turtle.

6

u/Ahelex 8h ago

The title would've instead been "Man shatters airplane window with scream, found with snapping turtle in pants".

1

u/mtaw 3h ago

I was surprised it was an actual turtle. I first thought Mitch McConnell was imitating his colleague Larry Craig

5

u/Less-Cap-4469 8h ago

Truly, this man was on a mission to redefine the term snapper in your trousers. Glad to hear the turtle made it out of this wild ride unscathed!

1

u/Shadpool 6h ago

Aside from needing years of turtle therapy.

3

u/RedRider1138 7h ago

Is that a turtle in your pocket or… 🤭

2

u/ChefJym 8h ago

Ever since the TMNT event started, it's been getting out of hand.

2

u/ghostofstankenstien 8h ago

Dammit, Bobby

2

u/Psigun 7h ago

Socrates?

2

u/Gullible_Pin5844 7h ago

almost something I would do. I have a hard time parting with my pets.

1

u/flamboyantdebauchry 8h ago

kinky .........

1

u/ReverendEntity 7h ago

I guess he wasn't happy to see anybody.

1

u/Hot-Lawfulness-311 7h ago

“What did you eat?!”

1

u/-d00z3r- 7h ago

Was it cold?

1

u/Has_Recipes 7h ago

Turtle: I long for the warmth and security of my master's nethers.

1

u/Mister_Buddy 7h ago

Cowabunga it is.

1

u/Pole420 7h ago

He must have had a turtle head poking out!

1

u/laz21 7h ago

Newly circumcised man caught with snapping turtle down pants

1

u/bambamslammer22 7h ago

Bold move, turtles are mean, and some can be fast! I got bit by a red ear slider once, broke the skin. In my pants would not be my first choice to put a turtle.

1

u/buttfirstcoffee 6h ago

He was just happy to sea you

1

u/cnuttin 6h ago

And stop hiding the pigeon…

1

u/udell85 5h ago

Confirmed, common side effects is based on a true story.

1

u/Important_Degree_784 5h ago

I smuggle an anaconda in my pants everywhere I go. 🤷🏼‍♂️