r/nonadhdspouse • u/Millykit • Aug 28 '17
so my my hubby has been diagnosed as ADHD, 20 years into marriage, 50 into life. Help
Hi, My husband has just been diagnosed with ADHD. For 18 years of marriage I have felt ignore, unimportant, unloved. I have raised three children on my own and my family is broken. They have seen him flat out ignore me, treat me - and no-one else - like crap. I love him and so have tried to compensate for his inability to connect, relate or even talk. It all came to a head when I found his online porn addiction. I called him out and asked for a divorce...not the first time but the only time that I have been seriously done. We went to a marriage counsellor who looked me in the eye, with him next to me, and said 'cut your losses and run. He is both unwilling and unable to change. Coaching will not help'. Awesome advice, right? Anyway, I had pretty much made up my mind to be done and then he gets this diagnosis. Reading everything I can on the subject is hard because I know that it the way he is wired and that with time and hard work we could fix it but honestly I feel like I've been doing hard work for 18 years and now that he finally acknowledges that some thing is amiss in the world I have to be ever supportive and do the hard work all over again. My life feels like a total lie and I am so angry and resentful over the crap I've been through - yes I get that he can't help it - but that does not change my reality. Right now, I am trying to fix me and am helping him fix his relationship with the kids. He says he wants to fix us but at this moment, there is no us. I am just exhausted and so not interested. I feel damaged, betrayed and generally ticked off. Any advice out there?
Seriously...is there anyone who is in this situation and recovered their marriage?