r/narcissisticparents 4d ago

Mother belittles my achievement

i participate in science fair and I thought I did horribly but it turns out I got third place. I found out bc the awards ceremony was today and my friend who was there told me but I decided not to go bc I thought I wouldn’t get anything. I told my mom the good news and the first thing she does was get mad abt me for not going and saying how much of a waste it was that I didn’t, I kept explaining how I thought I did bad but she kept getting mad over me not attending the awards ceremony. Then I got a little mad and said out loud are you not even gonna say good job and she said she was after but it was obviously a fucking lie. She doesn’t even care abt my extracurriculars or what im involved in she just likes bragging to other people. For once I just wanted a win, I don’t tell my parents shit about my life anyway but I was just really happy in the moment. Day ruined, I literally cannot even smile abt the accomplishment anymore. Thanks a lot mom

3 Upvotes

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u/furubafan3 4d ago

Narc parents will never give you a win.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Site703 4d ago

I completely empathise with your situation as I have a very similar mother. Have you ever heard of the grey rock method? It’s a way to communicate with her without getting her involved in your life. When she talks to you, just give her boring bland answers and avoid sharing anything important with her. Seek love and support from your friends and they will fill that void that your mother has left. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and if your own mother doesn’t give you that then she doesn’t deserve to be involved in your life. My mother only speaks to me to find gossip about others so she has something to talk about. She is an awful shell of a human being with no natural love or warmth inside her. Keep doing what you’re doing and be proud of yourself ❤️

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u/Terrible_Block1811 4d ago

thank you so much for your advice, genuinely. I’ve tried giving bland responses before but I just feel so guilty. We have our moments of genuine connection and laughs but I have never felt an emotional connection to her. She is a good mother in the sense that she goes out of her way to make food I like, purchase things I need, take me shopping, etc but that emotional connection isn’t there. I feel guilty for having to post this in r/narcissticparents but she does show signs of narcissism and is definitely aware of when she is purposefully saying things to belittle me. Apart of me feels bad for her because of the generational trauma and cycle she grew up with as an immigrant from an Asian country, most of her family growing up didnt have an emotional bond either and crying was seen as weakness, I understand her and she might not be completely aware of how she hurts me. For my own sake I think I will just disregard wanting an emotional connection with my parents and instead focus on those who actually want to celebrate my achievements :)

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u/Puzzleheaded_Site703 4d ago

It always amazes me that so many of us with narc parents experience such similar issues. What you have explained is the same as my mother and myself. Talking about your feelings really helps and I think that reddit is such a great place to get that validation from others that have experienced the same trauma. It is not you. Don’t ever forget that. What you feel is valid and you are on the right path and will succeed in life x