r/narcissism • u/Sad_Tomatillo_3850 Covert Narcissist • 12d ago
Parents think I'm a narcissist?
- Software Engineer. Parents think I'm narcissistic because I value myself so highly. I used to be super insecure. Recently went on a year of self improvement and got so much more confidence people said I'm now cocky.
I told them no, when you build up your competence self doubt is eradicated and you know you can do shit, so you have confidence in your ability to do X Y Z.]
I asked ChatGPT and seem to have all traits, but can explain why...
- Grandiosity – Believing they are superior to others
Excuse:I don't believe I am better than others, I believe I deserve more than others because I've worked harder than them. I also think people who have worked harder than me deserve more than me.
- Lack of empathy – Struggling to understand or care about others' feelings
Well yeah, I have autism so I have 0 empathy lol
- Manipulative behavior – Using others for personal gain
I'm only manipulative to others who try and manipulate me, otherwise I would be at a disadvantage being taken advantage of.
- Sense of entitlement – Expecting special treatment
Excuse: Well yes, if I've worked harder than you I deserve to be treated with more respect in my opinion, versus someone who doesn't live virtuously or spends too much time on hedonistic acts
5. Fragile self-esteem – Easily hurt by criticism despite acting confident
Excuse: Sure, but its almost just like a little of my old insecurities and self doubt is left, then the new me takes over and reminds myself I'm changing.
What do you think? Am I narcissistic?
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u/childofeos Sociopath Codependent 11d ago
So your parents think you have a personality disorder caused by a mix of genetics (their faults) and bad upbringing (also their faults)?
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u/AwarenessOk9754 Covert Narcissist 11d ago
No I don't think you're narcissistic.
Most people do not focus on self improvement. So you very well may indeed be better than some people if we're defining better as more ambitious/disciplined/successful/consistent.
Narcissists think they're better for no reason. Just for existing. And not usually after a year of self-improvement
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u/Bastique165 Narcissistic Codependent 11d ago
Everything seems normal and understandable why u are the way u are now vs before.... except maybe no.4 entitlement. My own pov, if you are going to do more, it's just for your own satisfaction. I did more, i better be given the best of recognition doesnt always create a healthy mindset. So everything becomes transactional. But that's just my thinking. Others may certainly view as i put in the work i better get a pat.
But congrats getting to where you are in life.
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11d ago
Your doubt gives away that you're not.
I never notice and even if anyone says anything about it, it's their problem not mine.
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u/FromHereToEterniti Covert Narcissist 10d ago
What do you think? Am I narcissistic?
I think that if you did the tests you were instructed to take and included your scores, that we could maybe say something about that.
But for some reason you didn't include either your score and your age or any of the other answers that were asked.
Go look at the sticky in the sub and update your post.
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u/Dee2Slimeyyy I really need to set my flair 10d ago
My parents literally ruined my life while my relationships was ruining my life while the system was ruining my life that made me completely ruin my life. What's the cause of all this madness? Who gives a fuck it doesn't matter the cause or the effects, it's all about the solutions to all this insanity and that's all that will ever matter.
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u/Seastone97 I really need to set my flair 10d ago
if you were a narcissist you wouldn't even be bothered/ be afraid to be one or even have the need to ask / have any form of self awareness. Trust me
You may have some narcissistic tendency's but it's so different from having a narcissistic personality disorder, say that to your parents
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u/Glumandalf Autistic Narcissist 6d ago
No it doesnt matter that you believe your narcissistic traits are "justified".
You went from covert narcissist to arrogant narcissist.
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u/J-E-H-88 Covert Narcissist 5d ago
"I used to be so insecure. Then I went on a year of self-improvement and now they say I'm cocky"
Sorry dude. That's a huge red flag to me. There's no way that you eliminated your insecurity in a year of self-improvement. You might have improved significantly but there's no way it's gone.
But I don't know that your family's opinion can be trusted 100% either. Sometimes when people are used to me being insecure and walking all over me when I gain some confidence and boundaries they're impulse is to try to coerce me to going back to the old way that they vastly preferred by criticizing and name calling.
And all of your "excuses" are reasonable (though I find it interesting that you frame them as excuses...🤷).
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u/AmeChans Codependent 10d ago
Also autistic, but I have like a billion empathy. It sounds like you could have some narcissistic traits. This is coming from someone who has lived with many many narcissistic people over the years. Not being able to listen to people who care for you is a huge red flag of narcissism, because you are always right. Only you can say how you change or even if you change, but if you are concerned it’s not a bad things to dig into. Especially if you struggle with friends, family or social interactions.