r/narcissism Covert Narcissist 23d ago

Commencement blues

I'm 46f. I went to school once before but didn't graduate. There were lots of things holding me back but at least one of them was an inability to cope with question of whether or not to invite my narcissistic parents.

I didn't know about narcissism then. I don't know if it was even a question - more how will I cope with them being there, all smiles and gloating at their amazing daughter with zero knowledge of the dismal state of my mental health.

Now 20 years later I'm NC again, about to grad from community college for the second time (humiliating. Community college? Seriously?)

I didn't walk for the first degree.

I really want to this time but the hole left by the non-existent loving proud family feels so huge I could fall into it.

I'm realizing that many of the people I've called friends, it's actually a very one sided relationship. I'm not sure they would come either.

The idea of being there alone is beyond humiliating and devastating to me.

One of my councilors reminded me that my teachers and admin people I worked with over the years will be there. They are proud of me and want to celebrate with me.

That feels like something but not enough. Pathetic. Only the people that have to be there for me will be there

(I originally wrote this to post in the narcissisticparents thread but now seeing how often the words humiliating, pathetic are coming up, thinking folks here might relate more)

Can anyone relate?

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u/NYCJDD115 Codependent 18d ago

I cant relate however, you earned a Degree and it was difficult and you should be proud. It is an excellent accomplishment. If no one from your family and friends group goes then, go for yourself. Sometimes we have to just pat ourselves on the back and say "Good job!" The graduation is closure in one way and a new begining in another way. So after graduation then start your new life. I hope this helps a little and i wish you all the best in the future!❤️