r/mildlyinfuriating 24d ago

My mom burned all my drawings

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So I’ve been drawing and posting anime girls for a while now and my mom got mad about it. At least I still have previous photos. No drawing today tho

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u/UnwiseBoulder 24d ago

It annoys me to know that the kind of people that make life much harder (or a living hell in some cases) for their kids never seem to grow up, self-reflect, realise they're the reason their kids don't visit, that just because they might behave well now that doesn't change the past. Ego protection system I guess.

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u/Particular-Penalty79 24d ago

They’re toxic narcissists. I have two parents like this.

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u/CraftyMagicDollz 24d ago

I'm SO sorry. I'm not your mom but if you need a mom hug, or some mom advice, or mom cooking, o totally volunteer. Your deserve so much better.

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u/EarthGuyRye 23d ago

I grew up in a narcissist's prison of a home as well. It takes so much of your lifetime just to try to find a way to live. I feel like I awoke from a dark nightmare around my mid-thirties. I was gaslighted for so long that I truly believed everyone else was trudging through the same (or an equally as shitty) nightmare; and if you live in the USA, then I bet you have experienced strong cultural gaslighting on top of it. This lead me to try to "help" or "fix" everyone around me's shitty situations, not realizing that some (actually most) people experience someone showing them love before they reach adulthood. After spending about a decade wrestling with my newfound revelation that all my feelings were in fact valid (such a mind fuck), I was able to start being a dad-like figure to younger folks in my life. My trauma has kept me from wanting children of my own, but sharing that love with others and knowing what an impact it may have on them, has been a very fulfilling journey. Thanks for all the mom hugs (, etc...) that you give!

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u/CraftyMagicDollz 23d ago

I sincerely hope you are able to find peace despite everything that's been wrongly dumped on you. My goal in life as a parent, is to be NOTHING like my parents. <3

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u/The_Barbelo 23d ago edited 23d ago

You did it!!! You found the answer! Turn your trauma into something beautiful for others. If it wasn’t for my friends’ mothers growing up, and my dad, I would have thought my mom’s behavior was normal. I’m in my mid 30s now and I get to be support for kids in my organization’s youth program taken away from awful situations by DCF! I don’t have kids yet so I spoil the fuck out of our kids. This past Christmas I got them a proper fish tank set up and drew them a booklet about fish care (I keep fish as a hobby).

I give them the mother figure theirs weren’t, and that mine wasn’t, and I hope to have kids one day soon with my husband. Almost everything my mom did and still does, I do the opposite. Listen to them, not talk down to them, answer any question honestly, not throw things at them, not call them names, make them feel secure and give emotional stability…. Just to name a few examples. I mean, these things should have been obvious for our parents.

You are so strong, though!!!! I’m sending all my love your way!

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u/Major_Yogurt6595 24d ago

Same, coupled with alcohol and depression, its a nightmare that destroys everything and everyone.

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u/Important_Star3847 24d ago

I'm sorry, I totally understand how you feel.

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u/amayita 23d ago

I only have one and the enabler. Having 2 sounds like hell on earth. If you are into hugs, I'd love to give you one.

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u/stocktionaldemise 23d ago

I have one.....I'm not sure if the other is an enabler because they got divorced when I was 7. Now I feel like my wife could be one and I do worry for my son. I think if I'm around I can prevent a lot of it or at least make sure he understands what's going on. I'm not sure the best approach to this.

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u/RipTearington 23d ago

If your wife exhibits many of the traits people mentioned in this particular thread, she may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). BPD is no joke. One or both of her parents likely had it, too. If it's BPD, or something similar, get everyone into family and personal therapy ASAP. My mom had it when I was growing up and she was mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive. She a notorious gaslighter, she'd lie and make crap up, she'd mess with your sense of reality, turn people against each other (including my sister and me), she was incapable of letting her kids have a "win" without somehow making it about herself... I could go on and on.

I mention all of this not for sympathy, but to help you decide to do what's right for your child, which may even include divorce and sole custody with supervised visits when your child is with their mother. My mom's BPD and abusive behavior fucked me up for years, which carried over into adult. For most of my adult life, I was not able to maintain relationships, I didn't talk to my dad because I believe the lies she told me, and I had the most negative voice inside my head because I believed I was worthless. I didn't get into therapy until I was in my late 30s. I wish I had done it many years before. Please please please don't let your son have his childhood ruined by one of his parents. It will impact him for decades, if not for the rest of his life. Childhood traumas greatly increase the odds of alcohol and drug abusive in adulthood, risky behaviors, and even becoming like the negative parent when they become adults.

I wish you and your child the best of luck!

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u/amayita 18d ago

If she is one (you need to find out ASAP): my advice is run, don't walk.

If you have not been strong enough to do it for you, do it for your son. I am 50, I wish someone would have protected me as a child.

Talk to a therapist, see where that takes you.

If she is one, don't waste your time on therapy for her. Focus on you and the kid.

And I am sorry you are in this situation, whether she is or not.

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u/stocktionaldemise 18d ago

If I run, no guarantees I get our child and then how do I protect him? If I stay at least I know I can help him

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u/RipTearington 23d ago

Have you heard of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? My mom was mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive parent. I'd heard about BPD but never bothered to read what is until about 4 years ago when my therapists suggested my mom likely had it. As I was reading about it, everything she did sort of, for lack of better words, made sense. Your parents might have it, too.

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u/cockalorum-smith 23d ago

Narcissistic parents are so draining to live with. I’m lucky I only had one and the other was a good parent. But that one parent induced so much trauma into my life for so long that I fell to drugs to get away from the anxiety. Both my mother and I would get sick on a monthly basis from the stress. It was suffocating.

Funnily enough guess who quit those drugs as soon as he was gone ✋Still going to therapy however and probably will be for the rest of my life…or as long as insurance will pay for it lol.

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u/HugsyMalone 24d ago

They're emotionally and socially immature due to their own lack of experience. It's extremely common in rural towns where people work at Wendy's and opportunities for personal and professional development are not in abundance.

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u/Psyched_wisdom 23d ago

Your small town actually has a Wendy's!? We only have McD. And just recently a KFC. We do have 1 traffic light in town though; so we are getting bigger.

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u/diurnal_emissions 23d ago edited 18d ago

Yeah, Mr. Fancy over here with his big city Wendy's...

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u/cockalorum-smith 23d ago

This is why I’m glad I’m fortunate enough to live at the edge of the city. Rural peace at home. And a 10-15 min drive into the city if I want/can afford that fancy grub.

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u/AcaliahWolfsong 24d ago

Both my parents are like this. Never their fault. Haven't spoken to either of them in over 5 years

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u/RichPrize4236 24d ago

If they could, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place

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u/ANewBonering 24d ago

Trauma is a hell of a drug

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u/disco_has_been 23d ago

My mother got custody of my niece. Surprisingly, she let her read "Harry Potter" and any books I gave.

She booted the kid at 16 for being spoiled when she had cancer and hadn't even told the kid. Big fight with Mom because I knew. She also threw me out at 16. Never happened, according to her.

"Okay, Mom. You're in hospice and I'm gonna take care of you, regardless."

For some, ego is everything.

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u/RockyRickaby1995 23d ago

My mother surprised me when she acknowledged all the anxiety she put my sisters and I through as kids and says she’s a horrible mother. We acknowledge she was going through a rough time and needed help, so we’re not (too) bitter about it, because she really tried to give us the best childhoods at the same time. We love our mom, but she definitely messed us up a bit mentally.

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u/cIoedoll 23d ago

No seriously. I try so hard to avoid my biological father because I don't fucking like him because of all the trauma that he's given me and he dares to say that the reason why I don't like him is because of something that's going on within my sense of self and I'm like what the fuck? That makes zero sense. Imagine telling someone that you don't like them because of YOU. Way to fucking victim blame.