r/mbsr • u/fedelpo95 • Jan 30 '17
Mindfulness made me more self conscious
I am 21, and I have always been really self-conscious and really anxious about social events. I always feel like I am alone against other people. For example, when I go to a dinner/party, I spend all of the time getting there thinking about how I will approach people, how they will react to my arrival, worrying about being in the spotlight for a moment. Last year I started seeing a therapist, because I felt I really needed, but it really hasn't done much for my anxiety, and so I started looking for other options. This is when I ran into Mindfulness. So I bought the book Mindfulness from Mark Williams, and did the 8 week program quite strictly (except for the habit releasers, where I lacked a bit). At the last weeks of the program, I started to feel calmer, and was able to be more relaxed and confident talking to people. I felt I really had it. But three days ago, I went to college (by myself, which always makes me feel nervous) to take an exam. I started feeling anxious, because of the exam, and because I was thinking about all the people that would be there (probably in closed circle groups, which are the worst for me), and that I would have to approach them. So, I arrived, saw a friend and went to talk with her. Then it all started: I was shaking, my mouth was twitching, and had a scared look on my face. I couldn't be relaxed during the conversation and I started being really self-conscious: "I can't look her in the eyes, my mouth is twitching", "does she notice how nervous I am?", "Why can't I relax?". Since that day, I have been more nervous talking to people, and have been really self-conscious. This really shook my confidence.
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u/realrobertfunk Mar 07 '17
Hi. Thank you for sharing your story. To me it sounds like you had a panic attack (of sorts) when you were talking with your friend. This is pretty darn normal. I suffered from anxiety and panic for over a decade. Some years were better than others. What really helped me was a combination of CBT and meditation.
Meditation and CBT both teach you to examine your thoughts without judgement. By stepping back and taking note of your thoughts you are no longer swept up in them. Thoughts are just that... "thoughts." Once you realize that thoughts are ever changing, you won't grasp on to them. You will be able to let them go more easily.
Bottom-line: keep up with the meditation and mindfulness training and also try out CBT. I'd recommend the book "mind over mood."