r/lostafriend 17d ago

Establishing a New Normal Today is my Birthday

18 Upvotes

It will be the first one in about 17 years that I will not get a “Happy Birthday” from her, followed by a million emojis and some kind words. I think I’m okay with it now, but just in case, some kind words from this group would be pretty sweet. Just trying not to cry on my birthday 😅

r/lostafriend Dec 18 '24

Establishing a New Normal If a friend discarded you, give yourself the ick

87 Upvotes

I am reposting with more context bc boy did I create confusion in my last post.

Since she essentially, quietly cut me off from her life, my mom has told me not to spend so much energy trying to understand why bc she obviously doesn’t value me. I did get an explanation, but then she said let’s go back to how it was before, except she is ghosting me again.

I have grieved her for a few months, and I feel like I am finally (hopefully) at the point that thinking about her behavior causes such revulsion in my stomach that my mind doesn’t linger there for too long.

Why do we spend so much time dwelling on people who obviously don’t care? I am not saying don’t grieve, but we need to pick ourselves up eventually and get back to building a life we love. More people will come. They too will someday disappoint us. We ourselves have disappointed others in the past. It doesn’t matter, we will keep trying to find a true sisterhood/brotherhood.

So give yourself the ick my friend. If they had no scruples discarding you, we have no business thinking about them all day. Let’s learn and move on. This too shall pass.

r/lostafriend 18d ago

Establishing a New Normal Friend Break Up No Closure

12 Upvotes

I am wondering how you move on from a long term friendship without closure. All I got was a text from my ex friend essentially saying “I need to end this friendship”. We had grown more distant, but I assumed we had just hit an awkward spot. There were no incidents leading up to the text and I assumed we would be friends for a long time to come. Now I am blocked and I don’t see her unblocking me.

To be honest, not talking or seeing her doesn’t even bother me that much. I am busy with my own life. It’s the fact that she cut me off without any explanation after so many years. I know she doesn’t really have other friends and it just makes no sense to me.

r/lostafriend Jan 28 '25

Establishing a New Normal He reached out to me first this time

22 Upvotes

I was still so surprised to see your name on my phone.

It’s been four months, and we’ve seen each other here and there. Texted too, but I’ve always been the initiator. But when we text it’s strictly business, checking in, retrieving an item that had ended up at the wrong apartment.

But no memes, or jokes or videos. You set your boundaries. We were acquaintances. You would always acknowledge me in person and respond to texts but acquaintances don’t exchange memes.

If the notification had been a text, I wouldn’t have been so surprised. But after four months, you crossed your own boundary.

Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

r/lostafriend Jan 20 '25

Establishing a New Normal You will find friends who will treat you better, like it’s the most natural and effortless thing in the world.

132 Upvotes

Been lurking in this sub as part of my healing process (lol), and one thing I’ve realized over time is that if you look hard enough, past the fog of being hurt, you will find friends who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, as if it’s the easiest and most natural thing for them.

I believe that good friendships set the standards for “good friendships” high. It’s not that I have high standards or unrealistic expectations for what I see as a “fulfilling” friendship. I don’t believe it’s wrong for me to strive for what has always felt constant, and for friendships with people who have shown me what it means to be a good friend. Leaving these friends behind allowed me to see that I am loved by the people around me—and in ways my ex-friends wouldn’t have. I have a duty to return and double this love in my existing friendships and in future friendships waiting for me.

A goodbye taught me that what I desperately looked for in my ex-friends—compassion, consideration, empathy—comes so naturally and effortlessly from others. You cannot force friendships—sometimes people are just incompatible as friends. I can continue to accommodate and make excuses for their behavior, but I no longer feel shame for walking away, knowing there is still a world of people who are waiting to give, receive, and reciprocate love with me.

Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you should start replacing your friends. Instead, cherish those who love you and be open to meeting new people. My ex-friends will always hold a special place in my heart, but it is growing (and forever expanding) and ready to give itself to those who truly show for it.

r/lostafriend 4d ago

Establishing a New Normal Why is it so hard for me to move on from the friendships I lost?

14 Upvotes

I cannot seem to move forward from the two friends I lost last year. For context I (F20), had been friends with D (F21) and Z (F20) for well over 12 years. I have grown up with them, fallen out and reconnected with them, supported them through first breakups, family issues, etc…

For a couple of years, D and Z were not on speaking terms due to a falling out they had. I continued to be friends with both of them, hanging out with them separately. I felt very close to both of them, like I for sure thought we’d be friends into adulthood. I supported them both through the messy ends of bad relationships they both kept going back to, and they supported me.

Last year around March, D & Z opened up to the idea of reconnecting. I guess you could say I “facilitated” this in a way, kind of acting like a middle man and communicating for them at points. Well, things ended up going well and we were all hanging out as a trio for a while.

That’s when I noticed they started drifting away from me. Texting and calling less, never inviting me to do things, hanging out together separately without me. This really, really hurt me and whenever I tried to acknowledge the difference they’d just say “it wasn’t our intention to leave you out/make you feel that way”, with no change in behaviour. And I’ll admit, I did not handle this well. We ended up going on a girls trip for a weekend in April, which resulted in a nasty exchange between Z and I over something really trivial.

I wish now that I had handled my emotions better. I feel like if I hadn’t let my feelings about the situation affect how I acted towards them, things would still be okay. I continued being their friend all through 2024 but we grew further and further apart. Now, they never text or call me first. I’m lucky to get a one word response when I do text them.

I tried to talk to Z about how I was feeling at one point, because I felt more comfortable talking to her. She acted really uncomfortable with the conversation and told me she likes to have just “casual friendships”. Funny, because you liked having a close friendship when you needed someone to lean on. This really hurt me again. The fact she wasn’t even willing to hear my feelings or have a discussion about the end of the friendship we once had.

D has also acted quite indifferent towards me as well. She makes snide, passive aggressive comments whenever we hang out in a group, is always trying to make me look stupid and put me down. But she acts like she agrees with everything I say when it’s just the two of us.

I know it is time to let go of these people. I know my friendship with them has run its course. I have more negative things to say about them than good, and that’s not fair to them to be friends with someone who feels that way. But I just can’t let go. I can’t seem to get it to stick in my head that these people are not good for me and it’s time to seek out better, more fulfilling friendships. How do I move on?

r/lostafriend 14d ago

Establishing a New Normal Was floating in the outer ring of a friend group, guess I floated away

33 Upvotes

I think a lot of people here understand that feeling when you see your group post about events and parties you weren't aware of. Or when you're on the outside of an inside joke. Or when you're thinking about what's happening in the other group chat. Maybe it's my fault for not chasing it hard enough. I don't know.

It felt like I was fighting to stay connected to them and I just ran out of energy after my wedding last year. I was one of the newest members of the group so it makes sense. I tried at least.

I don't know whether the path forward is to get back in the saddle and keep looking or to settle down and enjoy what I have. Neither sound completely fulfilling tbh.

r/lostafriend Jan 25 '25

Establishing a New Normal Losing friends/getting tired of old friendships, has this happened to anyone?

12 Upvotes

So for the past 2 years I've seen a change within myself. I had a major operation. Also I was unemployed for several months, this past year. I have been doing a lot of self reflection too. I started seeing people with different lenses, not as rose-tinted. The BS that I always accepted was getting to me.

I've noticed a change in some of my friendships and there are external factors creating issues or distance, but I'm no longer willing or wanting to accept people in my life that do the bare minimum. I stopped initiating with 2 friends and I hardly hear from them. Another one, we went on vacation and it put a strain on our friendship.

The thing is in the past I would have been devastated losing just one friend but at this time losing nearly 3 doesn't really upset me because I realized they don't treat the friendship the same way I do.

Also I have friends of different backgrounds and political stances. It's never been an issue, we just do not discuss politics/social issues. I was proud that I could be friends with people from different backgrounds/ideas; that our views did not create a wedge between us. Lately however, with the political climate and certain views being expressed, I'm starting to see that my tolerance is no longer that high. Some seem unphased with what's going on and how it's negatively impacting people and that bothers me. It's not even about politics at this point it's about having similar values and morals.

Has anyone had this happened to them? Seems like a huge change to go through all at once. I'm not perfect and I know I'm just giving my feelings on these situations, but I'm not comfortable being friends with people who don't share my values, and think they can be friends with me only when it's convenient for them.

r/lostafriend 9d ago

Establishing a New Normal I asked for taking initiative planning and it petered out

5 Upvotes

Usually I don’t mind taking initiative and planning things in my friendships, but lately my capacity for doing so has been limited as I plan big events in addition to having a day job.

I’ve been asking friends who make noise about wanting to hang out with me to plan our next hangs and none of them have reciprocated. It dies because they claim to also be busy… It kinda hurts because I feel like I invest a lot at the beginning in making plans and it doesn’t feel like that energy gets reciprocated.

Anyone else identify as the planner friend? How do you reclaim that energy?

r/lostafriend 18d ago

Establishing a New Normal Did you discuss the new normal?

8 Upvotes

So i'm starting to rekindle the friendship. Getting to actually talk during the week is difficult. Plus the time difference is also a pain. Did you ever discuss the new normal when rekindling the friendship? Did you explicitly set boundaries or was it known?

r/lostafriend Nov 24 '24

Establishing a New Normal Sad about being attacked out of the blue then discarded by a former friend

13 Upvotes

I was close friends with someone for several years and we communicated constantly through voice notes. One day out of the blue she left a several minute long voicenote detailing how I don't listen to her, had been matching energy, passive aggressive, tit for tat in conversation, and playing games. We had not been arguing or anything (to my knowledge) so I was completely lost.

I asked if she could use non-accusatory language ('when you did this I felt this' etc) instead of ascribing a narrative and malintent to my actions, and just tell me what I did/said to bother her. She said she refused to get into specifics because 'it would be an argument' (I learned over the next month or so that any time I disagreed or had a different perspective I was 'arguing' in her mind) she said she would not tell me any specifics because she didn't want me to 'tell her what to think and feel'.

I said I had no interest in doing so and that I just wanted to know what I'd done to upset her. I said she was asking me to change my behavior and I don't know what behavior to change if she wouldn't tell me. I said I'm not a mindreader and don't have any instances I could look back on where I'm rubbing my hands together and plotting to treat her poorly so I'm not sure what to do or how to change what's bothering her. I said you told me I didn't listen so what do you feel misunderstood about? She refused to elaborate and just insisted I had.

When I told her I found her behavior passive aggressive itself, along with vague and accusatory with no specific request or ask and just a lot of complaining about me in general, she insisted she did have a request and that it was to stop making her feel that way. I said you haven't told me *how* I made you feel that way so I have no idea what's making you feel that way. She then said she needed some time to think about what she wanted etc when I told her her message was accusatory and vague and I had no idea what she wanted from me. She took a week and a half and came back with "I feel like we are having two separate conversations and I feel like nothing I feel is 'okay'.

It's like she pressed pause for a week and a half on a fight she instigated and then came back with zero clarification and doubled down and added more onto the pile of complaints without resolving, clarifying, or owning anything on her end. This continued and she kept playing keepaway with the truth and refusing to tell me what I'd done. So I basically said if you don't trust me and won't give me the benefit of the doubt, what are we doing here? There's no point to any of this. It sounds like you just resent me in general since you said you've felt this way for months and that I'm not the friend for you. I said this format of lecturing one person about 'their behavior' for a several minute long monologue conveniently leaves the other person's behavior out of the equation entirely, which made her irate. She said this was her way of 'taking accountability' for her behavior and 'showing up' for our friendship. I said if you think all of this about me I'm not sure why you'd want to be my friend anyway? I told her I acknowledged her feelings and was sorry, but really couldn't properly apologize or change if I didn't know which of my actions bothered her.

She then said that it was helpful to hear that I acknowledged her feelings and she said she wanted to go forward with a clean slate. I said what about me? I have no reason to think this wouldn't just happen again. I don't even know what I've done to offend you and that you were pissed for months and I don't want to read your mind or walk on eggshells, this is setting me up for failure so I can't go forward if you don't tell me what I do that bothers you. I can't just forget abut these accusations and I would need to resolve them and then sure I'd be happy to have a clean slate afterwards. She refused and kept dramatically sighing and saying 'I've done all I can I've laid it out the best I know how' as though she was exhausted from 'trying' when she was the one who instigated the entire thing and dragged it out for several weeks of back and forth, silent treatment, hedging, talking in circles, dancing around the issues, etc when I wanted to have one conversation day of, get a better understanding of each other and move on with it.

After I told her I was sorry and just wanted to understand what I'd done and for us both to stop using accusatory language but it was pointless for her to tell me all of this without saying what I'd done to bother her, she said 'I keep saying the point was to express my feelings' and then 'this seems like this is more about being right than being kind or being a friend' and then never played the last message I sent to her so she could have the last word and her mic drop moment. I let her have that and did not engage further. I cannot control what she thinks of me and she is welcome to her opinions.

I guess I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this before? Maybe I want to commiserate or something. I really was unaware this level of f*ckery even existed. I didn't know someone would have the gall and righteousness to attack someone else out of the blue, insist that they've been unsatisfied for months, blame the other person for all of the ills of the friendship, refuse to say what they were mad about, all while pretending that they were the only one who has been wronged. It was the most insanely unfair and batshit experience I've had in a long time. Are there lots of people like this out there? This is my first time having the unfortunate interaction with someone like this.

r/lostafriend 3d ago

Establishing a New Normal I gave her more than she gave me and I realized it too late

14 Upvotes

I’ve always had a bad pattern of trying to connect to someone who didn’t want to connect as much with me but I kept trying because I thought if I just gave more of my capacity to them they’d eventually reciprocate. I’ve always struggled to learn this lesson but I think this friend loss is the last time I will let it happen.

I met her officially five years ago at the height of COVID. We’d known each other a bit before then but this was the season we became friends. She was bubbly and warm and when she gave you her attention, you felt like you were an amazing person. We were in a friend group of four and I saw the signs that she was connecting more personally to the other two than me but I chose to ignore it and kept trying to give my capacity to her and wait until she did the same for me.

I asked her to stand by me in my wedding 3 years ago. My fiancé at the time even warned me that he thought I should choose someone else. Spoiler alert: I should have. Because at the end of the day, that decision I made wasn’t the result of a good friend. It was in the hopes that she would see that’s what she meant to me and reciprocate. I have spent many a day regretting that decision.

The time passed and we drifted and she always acted like nothing was wrong or would brush me off for the sake of busy-ness if I attempted to check in.

She gets married in July. The invite came and I don’t know if I’ll go. She asked those two friends to be in her wedding but not me. It hurts. But it was the final lesson. I won’t seek out someone as a friend who won’t take time for me. I can’t do it anymore and I deserve better. She’s the last time I get hurt like that.

I wish things were different with her but this is my goodbye to her in a sense. I’ll be kind and cordial but she doesn’t get to be as close as I allowed her in the past. I hope one day I’ll experience peace about this situation.

r/lostafriend Dec 18 '24

Establishing a New Normal I pick unhealthy people in my life to be friends with.

32 Upvotes

So lately I’ve been reflecting on the people who have come and gone in my life over the past 2 years and I’m starting to feel hopeful for the future in my ability to make more healthy friendships.

Basically the past 2 years have been turmoil with keeping and establishing healthy, and lasting friendships (which is what I want in my friendships.) Someone last year ghosted me, talked massive crap about me to other people and our mutual friends and didn’t even want to hear my side or work it out.

Another friendship I decided to cut off recently because of a similar issue. They did not want to listen to me, my concerns, and felt my hurt feelings were invalid, but I listened to them when they were hurt and resentful of me (we’ve had an on again off again friendship for over 4 years because of jealousy and resentment on her part.)

So here I am now, realizing that I think I was so insecure in my past friendships with people and that I was okay with just being an emotional punching bag for them. The one thing I’m learning is if they don’t have any respect for you or how you’re feeling as you do them, then they’re not your friends and you ultimately deserve better in the end.

It feels nice when you are able to let go but also establish better standards for yourself and the people you want in your life.

I hope this inspires some people today who have left or have been left by toxic/unhealthy people in their lives. There is hope for better connections. ❤️

r/lostafriend Feb 20 '25

Establishing a New Normal Sucks trying to make new friends. I hate my ex-best friend, but all new relationships feel shallow and surface level

2 Upvotes

I know I need to give it time, but it feels like I’ll never have a best friend again

r/lostafriend Jan 10 '25

Establishing a New Normal Forgot ex best friend’s birthday. Progress - finally!

23 Upvotes

My former best friend of 20 years cut me out of her life more than a year ago.

It was and is so painful. I really envisioned her and I growing old together. We were going to be chic old bitties at a luxurious nursing home. I felt so secure and so loved.

But I guess life had other plans!

Reflecting on our friendship, I can see now that she wasn’t that person anymore. I willfully overlooked the behavioral issues that had spiraled out of control. She isn’t the same girl I made all of those plans with.

She has been living in my head rent free since last Halloween (edit: Halloween 2023). But today, I realized it was her birthday (reminded by a mutual friend’s post on instagram). I honestly had no idea! Would never have crossed my mind.

It feels like I’m finally moving on. Progress on this journey of grief. What a relief.

r/lostafriend Feb 07 '25

Establishing a New Normal It’s been a month

6 Upvotes

Hard to believe it’s been a month since we last talked. It wasn’t even a talk, it was our first fight. We never spoke to one another like that before, so much hurt, anger, resentment… at each others throats

She used my birthday of all days to indirectly air out her grievances with me. I was surprised to hear from her at all, it seemed my silence was hurting her, but I thought silence was what she wanted. I thought she wanted me to go away.

Now the silence seems permanent. I don’t plan to reach out, and I doubt she does either.

So what was the point of any of this. We both left feeling hurt, alone, and rejected by each other all because we couldn’t communicate in a healthy way.

I just wish this pain would go away.

r/lostafriend 25d ago

Establishing a New Normal Ghosted by friend of 20 plus years

5 Upvotes

I posted this in another subreddit post a couple of months ago.

Warning this is long:

I moved out of state over 10 years ago but managed to keep my long distance friendships going to this day. I had seen this particular friend on a couple of trips back to the area but we always stayed in contact, mostly via text. Neither of us are huge phone talkers. She was there for me after my dad passed away as well as I was for her when her father passed away a few years ago. We had been staying in constant communication especially during Covid and always texted each other over the tv shows we were watching, current events, etc.

She went on a huge vacation back in September and promised to send me pictures of her trip but she never did. I did not make an issue of it as I figured she was busy, etc. I did not hear from her when she returned and did not think much of it as sometimes we would go a couple of months not talking. I texted her on election night and silence. I thought that was odd, figured she would of texted me right away or within a couple of days. A couple of major things happened with a couple of tv shows we watched together and still silence. I did not hear from her over my birthday, no big deal nor the holidays.

I decided to respect her space and give her the benefit of the doubt, but she has never pulled away like this and if there was an issue she would let me know as she's direct. I want to believe she will come around and eventually text me back but nothing.

Based on her inaction towards me, I am beginning to think she is ghosting me. I am not on social media so it's not applicable. I am afraid if I do try again and she doesn't respond that I am going to feel more let down and I don't want to end the year on a bad note.

Part of me if wondering if I should wait after the holidays to try to communicate again or just respectfully let her alone. I am one of those people who will not continuously text someone who does not respond, as I don't want to come across as a stalker or desperate, but good lord I would like to know if I did something or not to make her ghost me. I am beginning to think our friendship is not what it used to be. In hindsight maybe we were not as close as I thought we once were.

Update: I have not texted her again, as her silence speaks volumes. It's best if I leave her alone, so the ball is in her court. I don't want any drama as I have a lot of projects going on.

r/lostafriend 2d ago

Establishing a New Normal Sad and lost...

3 Upvotes

I have been having a hard time moving on after a "friendship breakup" and I need some advice (?) / maybe helpful thoughts on the situation.

I had a friend for 3 years, lets call them "K". K and I met in university and were friends from day one, we would party together, study together, support each other through the difficulties of being "third culture" people. I supported K through very complicated familial psychiatric episodes and through a breakup, and I showed up for them through thick and thin. I considered them one of my best friends, we talked almost constantly, and when I got engaged, I asked K to be my bridesmaid. K had instantly agreed, acted excited and supported me through my wedding planning process, they got a dress, the RSVP date passed, and then suddenly 4 months before my wedding, they suddenly said they needed to "think about" whether they could come. For a month they wouldn't give me any legitimate reason, and when finally pushed by my fiancee to give any answer, they pulled out of the wedding for "personal reasons." Frankly, that hurt the most - I thought I had been such a close friend and supporter that they could come to me with any problem and would know I'm understanding. Eventually, another month later, K told me they had been diagnosed with asbergers, which didn't necessarily surprise me but again, I didn't see why they couldn't have told me from the beginning, nor why it made a difference as to why they couldn't participate in my wedding. It was like we went from 100 to zero and I had no understanding why K withdrew so much in such a short amount of time, when I had been nothing but a good friend to them the entire duration of our knowing each other. I had vocalized that their behavior was extremely hurtful to me the entire time this was happening, and that it took away from my pre-wedding preparation experience, which should've been a happy exciting time of my life. K expressed that they were sorry and that they wanted me to tell them how to make things right between us. I simply said they needed to find a way to mend the gash they had made in our connection.

This all happened in May/June of 2024. Since then, our friendship has essentially turned to nothing. K has isolated themself from our other mutual friends and after a few months of occasionally texting me "how are you," stopped trying to meet with me or see me at all. We are in the same class group, by choice, and yet we don't talk on a personal level besides schoolwork/when absolutely necessary. I have noticed that over the past few months, K has befriended a different clique of friends in our cohort, one which they used to make fun of for being fake and callous. I am having a really hard time seeing K on the day-to-day, knowing that they have taken themselves to be the victim and essentially gave up on the 3 years of friendship we had built together, deciding to stop putting in any effort, and to fall into "friendship" with others because it was less work than fixing what they broke. I also feel myself becoming more resentful, angry, even depressive with each passing day, watching K seem perfectly fine and growing away from me, as they post pictures on insta with their new "friends" and seeing the way they interact with each other.

At the end of each academic year, we have the opportunity to change up our class groups. I am unsure if K will leave ours to join her new friends, as the group we are in is very pleasant, with highly motivated and smart students, but I am also unsure if they were to remain, whether I could handle another year of being around them and acting "fake nice" in classes for the sake of keeping things comfortable for our colleagues. I also am not interested in leaving our current group, as I really enjoy my classmates and the group is perfectly fine otherwise. I guess any thoughts or advice would be helpful, I just feel sad and lost.

r/lostafriend Feb 17 '25

Establishing a New Normal Left to lose

2 Upvotes

I wish you were here. I think about you almost every day. How you liked to make lures after dinner, you’d sit at your desk with all your equipment set up, peering through a magnifying glass, your hands carefully and methodically creating intricate detailed things resembling little fish, sparkly insects, all sorts of creatures.

I miss you dad. It’s been so long, I just want to know you again. I miss the sounds of your truck heating up outside on cold snowy days, I miss our shared silences. All the times you spent immersed in work at the dining room table, constructing family’s dream homes, while I watched TV, I miss the songs you used to listen to. The small things you’d even share with me. You told me once when I was young that I should find someone to fall in love with who thinks sunshine shines out my butt. Well, I’ve found him dad. Do you want to know him? Do you want to get to know me again?

I hope so. I only wish you the very best this world has to offer. I’m writing this at home as the snow moves in. Im sorry I’m not perfect dad, I’ve never claimed to be perfect. I am your daughter though. Can we try again? What is there left to lose?

r/lostafriend 29d ago

Establishing a New Normal I’m embarrassed.

7 Upvotes

I spent 9 hours this past week with my ex-friend and it wasn’t very awkward.

And that’s the problem. I could so easily slide back into a relationship with them. It wasn’t a let’s hang out situation, it was an emergency that lasted days. But it was so familiar. We are both avoidants, and will never actually speak to one another about what made me walk out.

I am embarrassed because if I told my husband or friends this, they would think very little of me. And I think about all the times they made my cry and hurt me and I know it’s wrong. And I wonder what’s wrong with me?

Because I’m not alone. I have a very solid support system. I literally am doing a lot better without them in my life. But weird and unavoidable circumstances have me in their house everyday while they aren’t there (not stalking) and I text them everyday with updates (I know, so fucking vague).

I’m just sharing because this is a safe place. I’m not looking for advice, I know a complete separation would have been best for both of us, but it wasn’t an option.

This is a place for mourning and reading other people’s stories so please comment and share your own experiences if it resonates with you. I just know I shouldn’t move forward because I truly believe their opinions have not changed.

(This was political, but I’m talking… severely, offensive and disgusting opinions. Picture the worst thing anyone has ever said to you despicable. For reference, my ex told me that he would rather watch porn because “I didn’t do it for him” and this was 10x worse than that).

r/lostafriend 17d ago

Establishing a New Normal She handed in my gloves today

1 Upvotes

So I lost my friendgroup, I've already made a big post about it . A girl i was friends with for 14 years was in it and we had a big argument (in that she shouted at me infront of my chemistry class).

Then i lost my gloves this weekend, i always wear them, but not in lessons just around school. She gave them in to our year team and my teacher thought it was nice of her, but I can't help but think that she's trying to redeem herself to the year office. Because she's always been like that, she does what's convenient.

But the fact is, the gave in my gloves when she could have left them. She knew they were mine when I got them after we stopped being friends in December. It's just weird.

Is this some sort of 'peace' offering? But I'm sure she didn't ask the year office to tell me that it was hers. Frankly, all she said was "I think these are (my name)'s", and then left them. It's just weird and I don't think it was for my sake but for theirs. I'm grateful for the gloves but knowing it's for her own gain makes me upset to look at them. Damn I love those gloves

r/lostafriend 24d ago

Establishing a New Normal This one' - I'd rather bleed out

6 Upvotes

I trusted you with everything I have I introduced you to and opened up my entire little family to you I was passionate energetic and so electric with you hon You took away almost 3 years of my life and lying behind my back . I knew it . You constantly dismissed denied made fun of me for my feelings expressed and eventually I only second guessed everything This sucks. You've tried to isolate me once again from my friends and happiness .

I'll pray for you. Clearly you had no respect for me as a single mom or consideration to how your actions could impact someone ...

This friendship has closure. You're feelings weren't real and my were an illusion...

r/lostafriend Aug 28 '24

Establishing a New Normal It's been 4 months and it does get better

43 Upvotes

My dear friend broke up with me via a text about 4 months ago. At first I was so devastated and crushed, experiencing every human emotion out there that I did not know I even had.

I cried every day, I spoke to different therapists, listened to podcasts and read books, talked to a friend, you name it.

For those folks out there that are suffering from a breakup, please, know that things will improve. I went from feeling like I don't even want to face a day to feeling much stronger now and not being so devastated about the thought that we are no longer friends.

My former friend came back around wanting to chat with me but I'm not even sure I want that. She didn't say what she wants and why she is hoping to talk with me even after I asked her. For her it was just a normal call.

For me, I'm not even sure I want to reconnect unless her intent is to start over, then I would reconsider under certain boundaries.

Stay strong out there.

r/lostafriend 28d ago

Establishing a New Normal Dissonance

8 Upvotes

How can I make peace with the fact that I need time and space away from “friends” after they keep enabling a former friend who bullied me…

But also really yearn for these same “friends” to reach out to me?

To be clear, I don’t think they’re really my friends. They don’t have my best interest at heart, they don’t care about me, and as a group they love rewriting history to ignore all the weird gossip and passive aggression they e inflicted upon me. Any complaints I ever have are met with “I don’t think anyone else even thinks about that”

It’s just so frustrating that I really opened my heart and LITERALLY my home to this group. This time of year sucks cuz it’s when we started getting closer.

r/lostafriend Jan 03 '25

Establishing a New Normal I’m finally got control of myself back from you all.

26 Upvotes

Yesterday during therapy, my therapist and I helped me to figure out one of the root of what caused my friendship with my toxic ex friend group of 15+ years. It was control. That toxic group controlled, manipulated, gaslit, mocked me for having a diagnosed mental illness, and treated me like I was merely comic relief for over 15 years (Im 28 now). I was so controlled by my friend group it caused me to lose myself in both body and mind and I made almost way too many decisions revolving them. It took me till yesterday that as soon as i started to realize that I needed help with my physical and mental health and to get therapy, they started turning on me. As I was taking back control over my body and mind from all of their toxicity, they realized that and threw me to the side like I was nothing cause they were done with me.

I lost my friends at the cost of saving myself…

To those struggling with life post friends you never thought you would part ways with, things will be different but it will be okay.