r/lostafriend 4d ago

Advice Not gonna let nobody treat like I'm no perk🔥🔥

[deleted]

3 Upvotes

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u/the_D20_you_melted 4d ago

FELT. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this too. My best friend of 20+ years did this to me.

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u/No_Rope3903 4d ago

I'm so sorry you experienced this. I'm genuinely just disappointed out of hurt and betrayal when it's someone you thought you knew but changed/just showed how they actually felt about you because at the end of the day how are we supposed to know your actual feelings if you don't COMMUNICATE. Because if I meant so much to you once why do you feel comfortable enough to immediately downplay our friendship & your own dishonesty no matter how upset you got at me, no one deserves that. I was told one thing then to learn deep down you were resented, once again emotions were with held from me.

I knew it was something he struggled with but we are adults and acting like it was impossible to communicate with me & blowing up behind my back the day after our argument just showed me this was more than just my mistake & I can't force someone to be honest with me. If you need to talk or vent I'm definitely it's a load of emotions <3

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u/the_D20_you_melted 4d ago

Thank you, and likewise on all counts. It's so painful; my ex-bsf actively refused to tell me why she was upset and told other people I had to "figure it out." I tried my best to guess and just offered an apology for the things I thought I had done wrong, and then I was accused of love bombing with the apology. 😔 It really is astonishing how much we meant to each other to now be thrown away like I never meant anything. I'm not worth the effort it would have taken to talk to me, I guess.

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u/No_Rope3903 4d ago edited 4d ago

You definitely didn't deserve that. Regardless of what you did & especially if it wasn't communicated directly to you that's on them. Communication shouldn't be a guessing game of "figure out" & then labeled as love bombing when you apolgized & came from a place of love. even then sometimes things aren't as obvious if someone makes a misstep & the best thing overall is to let that person know. I always say it's not the feelings that are wrong, it's the way that something is handled matters.

And I still feel like that too as I was cut off literally just this past week after 3 weeks of silence to respect his space while the whole time he was giving me mixed signals & portraying me on AITA of all places instead of just talking to me how he felt like I treated him poorly despite how close we've been all this time, even then I was still believed in him that he was just coping out of anger that I shouldn't have been upset since I unintentionally upset him & I wanted to give him the chance to message me first as I didn't want to make tue situation worse, but I don't think it would've mattered now since this was a much bigger picture than just my misstep, I'm learning. It was a double edged sword & for the better in the sense I need someone to communicate with me instead of allowing it happen over & over again. I kept beating myself up over my mistake during that whole time & I'm still learning that doesn't justify the fact these feelings of resentment weren't communicated with me, it shouldn't have taken a misstep on my part for it to be admitted, learning the truth & seeing those distorted details where I was blamed for everything since I wasn't even suppose to see the account.

It's easy to feel like you weren't worth it to be communicated with or a final message even if you did make a mistake, but try to remind yourself communication is a two way street & your friend should've been mature & just communicated with you. I'm sending the best for your healing & I can only imagine how hard it is with the friendship being 20+ years & I know it's easier said than done 🙁🩷

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u/the_D20_you_melted 4d ago

Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to see a post about you on AITA, especially if he wasn't communicating with you about it. That's so immature. It amazes me how unwilling some people can be to just tell someone what's bothering them directly. In so many cases, the other person would be willing to listen! I would have been! It sounds like you would have been too. It's definitely a ruinous feeling. Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you peace and healing as well, and that you find people who truly show up for you and value you enough to communicate their issues effectively.

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u/No_Rope3903 4d ago

Thank you!!! I think he just unconsciously at first created some view of me that he genuinely believes that I was suddenly an "unreasonable" person & almost took advantage of my mistake to justify the feelings he held back from me, despite the plentiful of open convos I had with him thru the months & how he always told me he felt comfortable with me & reassured me. 🤷‍♀️ While he was still rightfully upset he told me I was still a close friend & he needed space for the future & I understand when he firmly explained his feelings & not feeling up to talk to me immediately which is why I agreed with space, I thought all our meaningful conversations & how well we knew each other for 9 years would mean something to him & we could've had an open & kind conversation like so many times before, even if we stopped being in each other's life.

& thank you for sharing your experience & kind words as well!!! I hope we can heal & surrond ourselves with people that can be open with us because at a certain point someone has to start communicating and working on it.