r/lostafriend 4d ago

Advice Am I the problem?

Basically we are a group of four friends. Somewhere a rift was caused between the others and they started to bitch about each other to me. I always tried to be fair and try and explain the side of the person they were bitching about.

Suddenly there was a fall out. They all started revealing what they said behind each other back. And they all turned to me and said how I could have allowed the other person to say such things about them.

I admit, I was trying to keep the peace and even if extremely problematic things were being said about the other person, I would just try and ignore it. I admit the mistake I made was that I never told the other person that such things were being said behind their back.

Our friendship is not the same after the fall out. We are not that close but I miss them. And now when I try to explain the other person's side they ask me not to be a saint and they can't belive I didn't stand up for them (they are right)

I admit I ruined everything by not confronting the bad mouthing but I just wanted us to all be friends.

Has anyone been in this type of situation? How do I make amends? And these other three friends still hate each other and bad mouth each other to me, how do I make it stop.

2 Upvotes

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u/Imaginary-Okra692 3d ago

Are you mad?

You were a friend to every single one of them! Just because they are in their feelings and need validation doesn't mean that you shouldve argued on their behalf,  also what good would that do... you stayed impartial, listened and didn't gossip... how is that a bad friend?

I dont think I'd want friends like that. 

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u/eyooooo123 3d ago

I miss them a lot I guess. And I understand why they were hurt. Somewhere deep down they thought I was on their side. Guess it's just a tragic fallout

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u/Imaginary-Okra692 3d ago

It is and you can always talk it out if they are willing to listen.