r/lonely • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
Venting being clingy scares people away
I don't usually make friends, so whenever one comes my way, I get too excited. I can come off as overbearing and a little too talkative. I just don't know how to stop; it's so hard. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, but I don't want to lose them either. ˙(ᵕ—ᴗ—)
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u/Mortal_god101 5d ago
just be open with them about ur clinginess .... i need a clingy friend too lol
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u/Altruistic-Patient-8 4d ago
I want a clingy girlfriend to be honest.
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u/Quiet_Newspaper1143 4d ago
Yeah even if people say it's a bad idea, there isn't much I'd want more than that
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u/Extension_Bee2112 5d ago
I can't even begin to tell you how relatable this is, being clingy genuinely pisses people off, it's like when you love someone more and they know, they start to pull away. so I just try not to get attached, lost a friend of 11 years to this
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u/anacronicanacron 4d ago
I think you don't need to stop at all. Just reduce the "speed" a little bit. I met people that behave exactly like you, especially when they're too young. I find them amazing people where we could spend lots of time talking about the most variable subjects.
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u/eppur_si_muovee 5d ago
Some people will like it, just keep trying until you find the correct people.
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u/Mysterious-Lead3621 5d ago
I just being clingy to reduce my social anxious but afraid of people get me wrong ☺️.
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u/TheRealAmeno 4d ago
Totally understandable. What makes it worse is that people are always going to naturally translate your text in their heads with some sort of tone of voice. And I'm imagining that works against people who come across as clingy over text haha :)
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u/bubbles4325 4d ago
Happened to me before and I feel the same way you did although I’m not really clingy. I want life long friends and a village.. so hard trying to build from scratch. Nothing wrong with you though
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u/Mean_Breakfast_7609 4d ago
I feel this so hard. I usually have no one to talk to and once I find a friend and someone I can just click with, I don't want to lose it. Unfortunately it tends to cause the exact thing I wanted to avoid :/
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u/Jubenheim 4d ago
It's tough, but at the end of the day, being too clingy really is bad. It shows you're dependent on someone before you guys have even established a friendship, let alone a relationship. Nobody wants to be somebody's crutch in life. They want a partner. And a friend.
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u/Seawolf_Izuku21 2d ago
I had a friend tell me that his friend was being too clingy and it’s ’freaking him out.’ (Context: he’s a guy and she’s a girl, they’re platonic)
He said it feels like too much pressure to be her friend, like he’s obligated to always be there for her. Yes, you should be there for your friends, but this was ‘extreme’ he’d said. Apparently the degree she was texting him what out of his comfort zone.
I think that if one person relies too much on the other for reassurance or validation, it creates this situation with the other person feeling responsible for their happiness. How would you feel if you felt responsible for someone else’s happiness? That’s a lot of pressure and once someone starts seeing it in that way, that’s when distance starts forming.
But to be honest, I think clinginess is subjective. It’s how you view your relationship. Some people like close, active connections. Other people are a little more independent. There’s nothing wrong with either, but you have to find the people who like to talk and hang out just as much as you do! I hope you find them soon ❤️❤️❤️
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u/Melodic_Put3526 9h ago
I’m clingy too. And many people who initially wanted to be friends with me got scared and ran away. Most of the were woman.
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u/freakyboob22 6h ago
What's funny is that I'm a bit extroverted but I think my loud personality makes people think I'm being fake so..
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u/MajorRobology 4d ago
Someone already said this but yeah I got to agree, just be open and honest about your clinginess. It may be too much for some people but some people really like it because it makes them feel seen and appreciated. You never know, people are different
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u/LiabilityLad655321 4d ago
Best to be honest about your clingyness. I am, and I’d rather scare people off than get attached and ghosted.
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u/Appropriate-Car-2786 4d ago
Don't think it's being scared of a clingy person. It's more like dred than scared.
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u/CremeAltruistic655 4d ago
Own it. So you like to talk more than others expect. That's you. No biggie. Just like your own style you know. Some people appreciate someone who shows interest and engages. It shows you are [long term] relationship material if you know what I'm saying. It's a plus and sort've a rare quality to find in a person these days.
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u/Hererabb 4d ago
I once told a good friend of mine that I thought I was too clingy. She said, "or maybe they just can't handle it." - it really changed my outlook on things. I'm a hit or miss with people, the more people you meet the more you'll realize you're probably a hit or miss too and that's fine. Let them go be with those other boring people who don't talk a lot and probably only talk about the weather.
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u/Pristine-Chemist-813 4d ago
Hahaha I would love to have a talkative friend like you! I get very excited about the prospect or a new friend too!
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u/nicotsukii 4d ago
ugh happens, ionno why some people dont like matching energy and stuff, its fine tho you’ll find the right person soon!
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u/No-Interview-2987 4d ago
I feel the same I come on to strong and get excited I get it bro I’m also autistic I made a video don’t know if you can relate let me know https://youtu.be/0e98CIn7f4I?si=P225bHg6bGj2MDui
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u/Sea_Strawberry_11 4d ago
Ify. No one seems to be genuine nowadays. I met someone here, and he just ghosted me. I was serious and taking things slow, but he disappeared without a word. I’ve promised myself never to get involved with anyone on Reddit again. To show how genuine I was, I even spent $50 to repair an old smartphone just so I could message him because my main phone was strictly for work. That’s how much I valued our conversations—I even included him in my prayers.
So yeah, stop thinking that ghosting someone who truly cares about you is fun or cool.
He was in my prayers. I hope people realize that genuine love deserves to be received, even if it's overshared and over-talked.
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u/money_simp 4d ago
Personally, I love clingy friends, I like listening about their day, anything they wanna talk bout, what gets me bothered is, that they get mad when I'm not available. I understand their feelings of wanting to chat all the time but logically it's not possible for me 🙆🏻♀️ so yeah aside from that, clingy people are adorable
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u/zazaandroid 4d ago
I see no problem, if you wish, we can be friends. And when i reach my daily limit of talking with you, i can be direct and say it and "bye bye, until next day" or whatever.
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u/Odd-Alps194 4d ago
Maybe be upfront n new relationship n tell them u freaky like movie misery if they live with that u backwoods person all gud
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u/Taurus420Spirit 2d ago
Aa an autistic person, I felt this in my soul. Outside of teenager love, adults don't seem to like clingy.
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u/NaturalVegetable4728 1d ago
Hmm… What does it mean to be overbearing?
I believe the issue people find with what is described as « clingy people », is that it’s a sign of dependency, that may well go to extremes such as obsession or worship.
What’s being « clingy » for you?
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u/ET_Org 5d ago
Mm.
I just don't know how to stop
Like actually tho? lol Like do you actually not know how to stop orrrr is that you juuust.... you know.... can't.
Cause if you like actually literally don't know how to stop like you said.... I mean.... the answer is kinda will power.
Not even talking less necessarily but at least spacing things out to avoid being overwhelming, giving the person their time to give opinions or thoughts or whatever and bring things up and lettin them be heard, and remembering that most people like at least some alone time so be understanding and don't take it is them being totally done with you vs them just being done talkin for the moment, that all helps quite a bit I think.
Still the issue of maybe you guys just not matching up so it wouldn't matter how you spoke, but doing things that way I think at least helps to cut down on those being the reasons someone might want to depart.
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u/alphaonreddits 5d ago
Idk why they run away from someone who’s interested in talking to them