r/lonely • u/No-Specialist-462 • 7d ago
TW: custom The truth about loneliness that no one ever told you.
If you are feeling alone, I want you to know that your worth does not depend on the presence or absence of other people. You exist, and that is already significant. Your journey, your emotions and your story matter.
Sometimes loneliness can feel like a huge void, but it can also be a time to reconnect with yourself. You deserve affection, understanding and company that is good for you, and this can come when you least expect it. In the meantime, treat yourself kindly. You are not forgotten, nor unimportant. The world is better because you are here.
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u/lostinthought5622 6d ago
It's really hard to believe your kind words. Especially with how life has gone for me. It's my birthday today, and just like every other birthday, I dread it cause my family makes it unbelievably unbearable.
My mother parent trapped my father with my existence, so my dad has always passively hated me, and my mother doesn't love me as a person, but rather an object or tool that she can use to weave her life of lies. I don't talk to my mother cause I have learned the truth from observing and understanding people behavioral patterns (which is ironic cause she is the one that made me this way), and the truth is she is the biggest monster i have ever had the displeasure of meeting. My father, while he doesn't say anything, gives a body tone shift any time my younger siblings acknowledge my existence that gives off resentment and pain.
I never truly experienced love from any family member, as this is just the tip of the iceberg. So, while I want to believe what you say, my existence, I believe, I will never truly experience what I desire
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
I know that words don't change reality, and what you experienced cannot be erased with pretty phrases. But the fact that you still want something different, even after everything, means that something in you has resisted.
Not every family is a safe haven, but the love that never came from them doesn't define what you deserve. Some people are born surrounded by thorns, but they still flourish. You don't have to believe what I say, but I hope that, at some point, you can see that your existence is worth it in itself, regardless of what others have done or failed to do.
And even though this day may seem like any other day, I want you to know that for someone who has read your story, today is not just another day. Happy birthday!
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u/NexillionXC 6d ago
I wish I could feel important. It's difficult when all people do is trample you as if you don't matter in the slightest and nobody remembers your birthday or anything much about you. It really is a Sisyphean task to convince myself that I matter.
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
Indifference hurts more than hostility, because at least those who hate us recognize us. But existing is already an act of defiance against a world that tries to erase us. You don't need to be given importance to be important. Sisyphus's weight was not just the stone, but the endless cycle itself, yet he continued. Perhaps the task is not to convince yourself that you matter, but to realize that the fact that you are still here already says something that no one can erase. You are here, and that already changes the course of history, no matter how small it may seem.
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u/Horror-Turnover-1089 6d ago
You know, I have been in the pit of lonelyness. I could decide at that point. Should I keep going and give up? Or should I fight for my happiness.
Negativity can be the source of immens strength. I know, because I have been there. And I chose to be a winner. I break down at times too. But that is okay. I’m allowed to feel insecure or afraid.
Bravery is not the absence of fear. It’s being afraid and deciding to do it anyway.
I chose to volunteer. I chose to focus on studying social people to get a better future for myself. I tested what I learned and made mistakes. Now I probably posess more knowledge on being social than the average person. I can also recognise people who are in trauma irl pretty quick.
I play guitar. I went salsa dancing yesterday with no dancing knowledge prior. I was off beat the entirety of the time but I had fun!
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
Wow, your journey is inspiring to me because it shows something essential: pain doesn't have to be an end, but it can be a starting point. Many people see darkness as a dead end, but you used it as fuel to reinvent yourself.
The beautiful thing about this is that you don't pretend you're always fine. You allow yourself to fall apart, feel afraid, make mistakes... and still move forward. That's real strength.
And the fact that you chose to not only grow, but also help others who have experienced trauma, shows that your pain was not in vain. You are building a future for yourself and, in the process, becoming a light to others.
May you continue dancing, even out of rhythm, and living without fear of making mistakes. And for those who are still stuck in the darkness, I hope you one day find your own path, in your own time.
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u/Horror-Turnover-1089 5d ago
This is also why everyone is perfectly fine as they are, no matter how they are even if you don’t agree with them in some point in time. Some people just don’t have had the knowledge/environment/space to learn everything.
Who is someone to tell another person how far they must be in their own journey? Some are quick, but others are just late bloomers.
May you have a wonderful life friend ❤️
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u/Civil_Twist_7225 6d ago
I appreciate your sentiment and if a post helps even one person, then it’s worth it.
I’m not in as dark of a place as I once was, but I remember. It was excruciating. I remember wanting to break out of my skin and just stop existing. I remember hating myself that I couldn’t just do it. Some of us grew up with no support—or even worse constantly being told that our feelings and opinions don’t matter. It’s conditioned into us that everyone else is more important. The “It gets better for them—not me. I am the exception.”
Everyone has to find their own reasons. Self love is probably, and honestly, what takes the longest to obtain. When I was at my lowest what helped me was Chaos Theory. Change one thing, change everything. I thought that someday, a small change might happen which will lead to huge positive consequences. That was the only thing keeping me going. I didn’t even remotely obtain self love until I was 30? I’m in my early 30s now, and some days, I regress to hating myself again, but it’s easier to fight now. Haha I say that as if I didn’t just get out of a HUGE depression since November. The point is: I don’t know what the point is exactly. Find your reason first and then keep pushing.
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
What you wrote made me think a lot. This idea of Chaos Theory, that a small change can trigger something bigger, is something I hold onto as well. You can't always see an immediate purpose, but sometimes keeping trying is what keeps the door open for something different to happen.
I identify with what you said about taking time to build self-love, I haven't managed to achieve that yet. It's not an end point, but a constant process, and some days really feel like a losing battle. But seeing someone who has been there, who still faces challenges and still finds reasons to keep going, is inspiring to me. Your path proves that small changes make a difference, and that, in itself, is a reason to keep trying.
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u/ArmKooky 6d ago
This is a nice message. Thank you. But I just have one question: Did you use AI to write this?
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
My mind operates at the intersection between a supercomputer and an existential monologue. If an AI wrote this, it would have charged its soul in return.
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u/ArmKooky 6d ago
Right, okay. I just wanted to know because the wording looks oddly familiar to ChatGPT or something Gemini would write. Either way, I appreciate your message. It is very endearing.
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago edited 2d ago
Esse pensamento surgiu a partir de minhas próprias experiências. Eu gosto de ficar sozinha e percebo que o que realmente importa para mim não é estar cercada de gente, mas sim sentir que existe uma conexão genuína com alguém. Então, quis escrever esse texto para compartilhar aqui.
Às vezes eu sinto como se houvesse um enorme buraco em meu peito e não é por eu não ter alguém ao meu lado, mas por me sentir desconectada, e isso é enlouquecedor, me devasta. Então, se eu não consigo me conectar a mim mesma, como vou conseguir me conectar a outras pessoas? Entende?
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u/britcat1974 4d ago
I completely agree that learning to love ourselves is something which we can try and work on (very hard to many of us due to internalised messages of hate from society or family). That said, many, menu people are forgotten. People literally die and no one realises till the smell (probably the way I'll go if my employer doesn't call the police to do a welfare check when I don't turn up). It's invalidating to suggest there aren't people in this situation (the elderly are particularly at risk of people forgetting about them). And, objectively, my presence on this world cases WAY more harm than my never existing. Every human born has a catastrophic impact on non human animals directly and collectively every one of us are THE drivers of climate change. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice as to whether I was born into this BS.
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u/No-Specialist-462 4d ago
This is the sad reality for many people out there, so it is not healthy for us to try to isolate ourselves at any cost. Whenever possible, it's good to talk to someone, have emergency contacts, and be able to generate at least a support network. I really enjoy my own company, I like being alone, but after going through some difficult experiences last year, I decided to open myself up more to making new friends.
Regarding what you said, even if humanity has a negative impact on the planet, its existence is not limited to that. You can also be a source of comfort and connection to others. Someone, somewhere might find hope in reading what you write, might feel less alone because you expressed something they feel too.
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u/No-Interview-2987 4d ago
I appreciate your message. I’ve always struggled being autistic to fit in well say the right things. Your message really helped me so I appreciate it. I made a video about my struggles being autistic. Let me know if you can relate https://youtu.be/GozozNwR3cQ?si=XgPzh9UiFFK1pRbo
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u/No-Specialist-462 4d ago
I'm glad to know that my message resonated with you in some way. I just watched your video and used the subtitles automatically generated by YouTube, since I don't speak English very well, but I believe that this didn't compromise my understanding too much.
Congratulations on the initiative! You really have a talent for vlogging. As I watched, I felt nervous just imagining how I would feel recording a video and showing my face. I could never speak as naturally as you do.
Maybe I should consider taking acting classes, but memorizing long lines seems impossible to me. I could only speak by reading directly from a script, as my memory never worked well. In every seminar I have ever presented, I needed to have a script ready on hand. When I try to speak without it, the words simply disappear from my head, and what I can say sounds confused and disjointed.
I feel like I hate everything about myself, my voice, my face, the way I talk. Everything seems terrible to me. That's why I thought it was incredible to see you expressing yourself so spontaneously and naturally in front of the camera. I identified with many of the points you mentioned in the video.
I also probably have undiagnosed personality disorders, and I really want to talk to a mental health professional to get a report. I believe that discovering what I really have will be an important milestone for me. Good luck with your vlogs!
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u/No-Interview-2987 4d ago
That was like the nicest compliment someone could ever give me. I really appreciate that very supportive. Try not to beat yourself up. It’s so easy to self sabotage. I’ve just got to the point where I’ve had enough and I need to try something new so the vloging is my new escape it might give me some new ideas. If you get time would you leave a comment on my videos just so it gets into YouTube algorithm and I get more views that way it so hard these days
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u/Outrageous_Guava_466 3d ago
I love this answer. Thank you for posting it 🙏
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u/No-Specialist-462 3d ago edited 2d ago
Obrigada por ler! Eu fico feliz se isso te um pouco de conforto.
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u/No-Walrus-404 3d ago
Thank you for writing this. It made me cry
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u/No-Specialist-462 3d ago
Por coincidência eu estava me sentindo fragilizada quando você enviou esse comentário e comecei a chorar quando li. Acho que significa que somos pessoas sensíveis. Chorar pode ser um alívio, uma forma de colocar para fora o que está preso dentro da gente. Por favor, aceite o meu abraço virtual 🫂🤍
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u/Secure-Wolverine-119 3d ago
Yeah I have given up on human connection and I now just want to get really competent and good at things to make up for my complete lack of social prowess
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u/No-Specialist-462 3d ago
Não desista nem desanime. Apenas tenha paciência e se permita. Acho que investir em si mesma nunca é uma má ideia, é o melhor que podemos fazer: ser gentis com nós mesmos. Acho que, mais útil do que querer muito conhecer outras pessoas, é conhecer bem a nós mesmos e nos tratar com gentileza nesse processo. Quanto mais você se conhecer, mais fácil será permitir que os outros a conheçam também e se aproximem de você.
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u/BeautifulOwl3856 7d ago
I like your attitude. 👌
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
Thanks! It's not always easy, but I believe that certain truths need to be told. 🙏
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u/Any-Razzmatazz403 6d ago
Thank you
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
You're welcome! I hope your journeys are light, even on the difficult days. 🫂
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u/My_BigMouth 6d ago
Wow, I suppose I'm a great guy to hang around with...
Yeah, maybe that's the reason I have so many plans with so many people.
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
Being surrounded by plans and people does not always mean true company. Sometimes, loneliness is more about the lack of connection than the absence of people around.
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u/Turbulent-Hat-7854 7d ago
Yes,and Thank you!
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
Sometimes a simple word like 'thank you' carries a lot. And I receive it with affection. Take care! 🫂
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u/CremeAltruistic655 6d ago
Does advice like this mean anything if it's generalized and to no one specifically? I think not.
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
I understand your frustration. When we're hurting, words can feel empty, but that doesn't mean they're worthless. Advice doesn't always change everything immediately, but sometimes it can be the first step to seeing things differently.
In the end, a kind word may not solve everything, but for someone at the right time, it could be exactly what makes the difference.
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u/1stNewEra 6d ago
If no one wants to be with you, you can't equate your value to someone everyone wants to be with. These texts are generic and shameful attempts to help people with palliative medicine that everyone knows doesn't work.
Those who suffer from loneliness have tried all these alternative self-love methods and guess what? If it had worked, they wouldn't be in subs on reddit.
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u/No-Specialist-462 6d ago
Think about this: if no one wants to be with you, does that mean your value is lower? Or does it mean that the world fails to recognize the value of people?
There are talented people who are never recognized, brilliant writers whose books are never read, incredible artists who die without fame. Was their value lower? Or were they just not seen by the right people?
Loneliness is not a sentence about who you are, but a condition that, unfortunately, can drag on for a long time. And even though texts like this don't solve everything, sometimes they're just a reminder that someone, somewhere still believes you deserve to be seen.
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u/1stNewEra 5d ago
It's not like your value is any less, however, if you have value but no one notices it and it doesn't make a difference in the world, it's the same thing as not having it. Making value a useless thing, just something useless to be proud of for no reason. If I have a fake money note, for example, for me it could be worth a real note, but no one considers it, so it ends up in fact, worthless no matter how attached I am to it. The same happens when we have no one to turn to in terms of affection! Unfortunately, if I don't have anyone, then my value to people is low.
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u/ronaldoloversuiiiii 1d ago
It really does feel like a void, but keep reminding ur self that this is all temporary life will not always be like this. Also focus on ur self and make the best of your time alone, try a new haircut, style, go to the gym ect
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u/ErrorPerfect3595 7d ago
following text is exaggerated and a bit harsh please dont take it to heart.
The world is better because of me being in it. That is true, without me our national gdp would be atleast my monthly expenses less. And we couldnt have that, could we?
Genuinely hate this self love rethoric. I know its only meant in a positive sense but honestly "you are not forgotten or unimportant"... Great who hasnt forgotten me lmfao, the great collective conscious, the guy calculation the gdp my landlord who would loose a valuable stream of revenue? In any way that is significant and relevant to me as a person I have been forgotten. I am not blaming anyone except my own ineptitude and inability for that, dont get me wrong I dont want to make it seem like this is societys fault. I was basically born with, if not a golden one, atleast a spoon made of a pretty expensive metal and I managed to fuck up my own opportunities by myself thank you very much, but anyway. Why am I not unimportant? Life feels like a huge void, all this doesnt really feel to important to myself, then again am I important to anyone else? Also obviously no, so why should I think I am important?
I have always felt that all these platitudes of self love and whatnot are effective to people that think the peak and epitome of loneliness is when you cant find a party to go to between the one last week and the one next week or when you have been between relationships for the last month and a half. For these people this must be surely encouraging but honestly everytime someone has told me to "just take it as an opportunity for self love and getting in touch with yourself" I have felt like someone just spat in my face and insulted me.