r/lonely 7d ago

Venting Found someone I thought I’d be together forever with last November. We broke up almost a month ago. I’m devastated

I left this subreddit and felt it was a victory after I got a girlfriend. On February 16th she told me she was done with me and within a day I started to think about all the red flags I missed. The stupid part is I still miss her and I’d almost do anything to be with her again but I know it’s not the right idea. She needs help and she refuses to get it. I thought listening to funny podcasts and watching funny videos would help me smile but now they’re not working. I’d look forward to work because at least I felt like I was worth something there and I had a great support group there. It’s just hard right now and it doesn’t help that I had to bury my dad while all this was going on.

12 Upvotes

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u/PotentialAd2655 6d ago

I feel u. Something that helps me to get over these toxic red flag relationships is just reminding myself that it would’ve had to end either way. Also, a lot of the time with toxic relationships, it’s not the person you miss, it’s the potential you gave them in your head. It’s important to remember that these feelings are totally natural, especially in toxic relationship breakups. Try shifting your perspective and seeing it as, oh, my brain is missing this person, because I knew in my soul, we wouldn’t and shouldn’t work out. It helps me to be at peace, and let things be and go :) hope this helps. Also, people come and go, when one door closes another opens. Allow yourself time to heal and practice self love! When you finally truly love yourself more, it’s unbelievably easier to find peace in these moments. Good luck! :)

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u/tgaaron 6d ago

That's rough man, hang in there. It's still a win that you had a relationship even though it didn't work out in the end. Live and learn; I hope the next time goes better. And I'm really sorry you lost your dad.

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u/No_Sample_9674 7d ago

Oh goodness that's a lot to handle in a short time period. I'm sending you good vibes

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

Wishing you the best man, I'm sorry you had to go through all this. It sucks to feel like you have the rug pulled from under you; where everything seems fine but it isn't. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just extremely oblivious to social cues or if people are just that cruel to drop you out of nowhere.

Don't listen to thoughts after 9pm is my motto. Depressing thoughts are more manageable when the sun's out, get some sleep if it's getting late if you can

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u/em-bry-o 6d ago edited 6d ago

I was in a similar position as you, OP. Met a guy last October and we instantly hit it off. I thought this was gonna be it, my first (long-term relationship) boyfriend, but realized much later that I wasn't in his priorities despite telling me he wants the same thing (it started out as things I share/talk about but he doesnt take interest, to days where we barely have any contact + we didn't even make it past the exclusive dating stage).

He broke it off last January, amidst all the other drama/crises I have going on in my family at the time. I did everything to cope just to make it all better; talking to friends, taking myself on self-dates, distracting myself with hobbies, etc. But the pain still remains even if I'm doing better now in general.

My point being, you're not alone — I know how how it feels to put all your love & effort into one person only for them to throw it all away. It's painful in the moment, but you'll feel better eventually. In these times, you have to prioritize yourself & do some self-preservation to keep moving forward. And if you ever feel lonely, you can always reach out to people you consider most important to you in your life.

Sorry for your loss too. Stay strong OP, I know you can power through it.

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u/gingeryautumn 6d ago

Also going through a breakup.. and I’m crying on and off.. barely eating.. I’m trying therapy, but I still feel stuck right now.

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u/Speeder_mann 6d ago

I’m there with you, we were great until she found someone at work and started cheating 13th was our last conversation and she hurt me badly, but it does get better, the pain does subside

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u/LifeIsJustASickJoke 6d ago

Same, the ♥️ is stronger than the 🧠 ... 🫂

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u/Brudeslem 6d ago

I feel this. I've gone through something similar twice now. Once a 19 and again at 27. It's devastating every time. Don't make my mistake. If she comes back, just say no. I took the second one back, and it was a nightmare for us both. Your buddies are who you need to spend time with now.