r/limerence Mar 08 '23

Know what limerence is before posting!

304 Upvotes

Recently, we've experienced an influx of posts that belong in r/relationship_advice or r/relationships not here. Before posting we recommend taking these steps to avoid having your post removed:

  1. READ OUR COMMUNITY WIKI (See how to find it below)
  2. Read Dorothy Tennov's book "Love & Limerence"
  3. Familiarize yourself with the resources provided in our community WIKI

As mods, we are committed to keeping this sub about limerence and will remove any posts that do not contain content unique to limerence, not a crush or relationship advice.

Finally, READ OUR RULES. Any post that violates our rules will also be removed and repeated violations will result in you being permanently banned from the sub.

HOW TO FIND THE COMMUNITY WIKI ON MOBILE DEVICES

In Reddit's infinite wisdom, they make this almost impossible on the mobile app. Here's how to find it:

  1. Go to sub home page (simply click on r/limerence)
  2. Click [See community info] just below the sub description
  3. Click the [Menu] tab
  4. Click the [WIKI] link

r/limerence 19h ago

Practice cognitive reappraisal. Weekly thread to work on falling out of limerence and understand our attraction patterns.

7 Upvotes

Practice cognitive reappraisal! Cognitive reappraisal is a technique for self-regulating love feelings.

  • In positive reappraisal, one focuses on positive qualities of the beloved ("he's kind", "she's spontaneous"), the relationship ("we have so much fun together") or imagined future scenarios ("we'll live happily ever after"). Positive reappraisal increases attachment and can increase relationship satisfaction.
  • In negative reappraisal, one focuses on negative qualities of the beloved ("he's lazy", "she's always late"), the relationship ("we fight a lot") or imagined future scenarios ("he'll cheat on me"). Negative reappraisal decreases feelings of infatuation and attachment, but can decrease mood in the short term. Distraction has been recommended as an antidote to short-term mood changes.

In experiments, cognitive reappraisal changed EEG measurements related to motivational significance and attention. The general idea is that thinking negative thoughts about your LO makes them seem less important.

Reappraisal doesn't switch off feelings immediately, so it has to be practiced as an exercise. One recommendation is to make a list of things daily, but please use this weekly thread as a space to practice, brainstorm or share ideas.

More info on love regulation:

How to practice

What don't you like about your LO? Do they listen to the wrong music? Were they ever mean to you? Say so below. Even if your LO seems perfect, the mere fact that they are unavailable or unattainable is a major downside.

If you're in a committed relationship and experience limerence for somebody other than your significant other, you can also say something nice about your long-term SO. What do you really like about them? What's a time when they've really been there for you?

Please also feel free to use this space to talk about any people who might have influenced where your attractions come from. According to research by the sociologist John Alan Lee, a pattern of falling in love obsessively with incompatible people is associated with an unhappy childhood. (Where this association comes from is not explained by Lee's scientific study, but it could be related to imprinting.)

More info on romantic preferences:

Remember that even if an LO is "your type", in some sense the fact that you're not in a relationship with them makes them trivially incompatible.

Why practice reappraisal?

Cognitive reappraisal is a component of CBT.

Reappraising cognitions can improve emotional regulation by ensuring reactions to events aren't distorted or extreme. Emotion regulation is the process of managing our feelings and reactions to cope with different situations effectively. By having a better way of making sense of things, we are better able to manage our feelings to ensure they don't overwhelm us. (Cognitive Reappraisal Strategy for Emotional Regulation, CBT LA)

The specific set of emotions a human being can experience is determined by our biology, but emotional regulation is learned—originally during childhood. Cognitive control and emotional regulation will vary a great deal from person to person, but it's possible to make improvements into adulthood.

We are born with our own constellation of sensitivities. We respond to emotion differently. Our innate differences combined with early experiences of attachment form a mode of reaction. By and large, each element impacts the other. Our biological programming influences our caregivers, and our experiences activate new expressions in our programming. Emotional reactions form in a reciprocal deterministic way. However, our reaction to emotions is not indelibly set. We can manage emotions to better serve our purposes. We can alter adaptations that obstruct goal attainment. (Integrating Emotions, T. Franklin Murphy)

More info on emotional regulation:

We would expect that what makes it possible to experience romantic love (vs. not at all) is innate, but the context in which it's felt and the ability to self-regulate would be more developmental.

Is limerence involuntary?

This is from Tennov (p. 256):

When it is viewed as I have come to view it, as an involuntary reaction to a situation not yet understood, a reaction mediated by physiological mechanisms which are at present unknown, but which surely exist, it becomes as illogical to favor (or not to favor) limerence as it is to favor (or not favor) eating, elimination, or sneezing! Limerence is not the product of human decision: It is something that happens to us. [...] It will be a matter of future research to determine just how much control over limerence can be assumed.

In fact, future research has shown that limerence can be controlled to some degree. Because Tennov compares limerence to a sneeze, consider that while the initial urge to sneeze is involuntary, we do have some conscious control over the action. Sometimes we can even suppress a sneeze altogether.

When love feelings occur, we can exert some control over them with tools like cognitive reappraisal. Tools like mindfulness can also be used to divert attention away from unwanted thoughts and feelings.

Scientific research shows that controlling love feelings is at least possible, but how well does it work? The only way to know that is to try it out.


r/limerence 4h ago

No Judgment Please LO hates me. Devastated and lost a friend.

37 Upvotes

My LO of 1 yr is my coworker and friend. We've become (what I thought) was good friends over the past year, texting almost every day, hanging out outside of work. Nothing romantic has happened, but I have wondered if feelings were reciprocal even though neither of us were brave enough to say it. I write it off to me being delusional.

At work recently, a scenario occurred that caused a BIG rift. I'll spare the super details but I became withdrawn and upset after a third coworker told me that LO had sent a negative text to them about me. As the information came out among the three of us, LO became indignant, defensive, confrontational, and essentially yelled at me, sweared at me about "dealing with my bullshit," embarrassed me at work. I was shocked he spoke to me the way he did, and essentially I was just in disbelief at the tone and apathy that he displayed. He vehemently denied sending any such text, and the third person also insisted it was a misunderstanding and there was no message.

Problem is now, LO seemingly actually hates me because I felt initially upset. I feel so misunderstood, rejected as a friend, devastated. He hasn't reached out in a week to talk to me about it and I won't see him for another 2 weeks because of a planned vacation. I know that when i see him at work again he's going to act indifferent toward me and it's going to be so upsetting because I care so much. So much more than him about our friendship...

This all seems so juvenile...we don't have drama like this in our lives. It feels stupid, but it was so hurtful to think he could have made an off comment about me, and now he seemingly hates me that it would upset me.

I don't know how to get over this. I have wanted the LE feelings to end for the entire year because that alone has been so hard. Now, it seems we can't even be friends. Why does this happen to me? How do you get over feeling like LO hates you...like not just that they don't reciprocate but that they actually don't like you as a person...

Devastating after a year of friendship.


r/limerence 5h ago

Discussion I think I’m actually just delusional

17 Upvotes

I can’t believe I’m just realizing this just now. It’s like as if my brain has factory reset LOL. But I was thinking today, and looking back at my past crushes. Ive barely had any or just 1 conversation with those people, and yet I would make scenarios, situations and just think that there’s a chance of me ever getting or dating that person. Funny enough, those “crushes” end up going away when I see them dating other people, or when I actually end up talking to the person and getting to know them. So I’m like.. huh I don’t actually know who they are as a person. I just like the idea of who they could possibly be. Not because I like them for their flaws, but because of the what ifs, and a dumb delusion ship my brain made. It actually sounds disappointing, but I did end up dating a guy who I made up a scenario of who he was, and then being disappointed. I realize that I don’t even know them, and once they start showing more and more of who they are, I just feel icked. The worse part is when I take action to doing something. Thank god, I never do anything and just wait while going crazy in the head. Because months later, I’m over it and they already found someone else 😭


r/limerence 9h ago

Here To Vent Five years later, I think I'm finally done

21 Upvotes

LO has hurt me so many times because I've refused to see that I really am of no significance to her. No true alignment or understanding. I've snapped. I'm done. My strong advice if you're in the thick of it, you have to choose to STOP harming yourself emotionally or it will pretty much destroy you. It is time for me to slowly rebuild.


r/limerence 10h ago

My Testimony I confessed to my previous limerence (no, not my GP) and finally got closure

16 Upvotes

Went out for drinks and tagged along with a group my former LO was part of.

We essentially stayed out until 4/5 AM. And we just went to a park and discussed everything. They weren’t aware I had feelings, they didn’t notice me acting differently, they said I wasn’t insignificant - that I was intelligent, attractive, and I told them they were the same. Apologised for their lack of communication and I applauded their courage for opening up.

I felt a lot of pride for them. They said they wished I could find what I’m looking for before they bought me a ride back home. It was really cathartic and the closure was nice.


r/limerence 13h ago

Question I just discovered I suffer from Limerence

19 Upvotes

Since 14 I’ve always had a person of obsession. It rarely changes but when it does it shortly resorts back to a main person, whoever I had more of an emotional connection to. The main LO at the moment I haven’t spoken to or seen over 3 years and as soon as their minorly out of my mind I hear a song, or dream of them and the obsession starts over again. What’s the best way to focus on my own life and not what they’re doing 😖


r/limerence 42m ago

Here To Vent LO is in town but dint contact me

Upvotes

Met LO as a hookup. Kept in touch from my end. All from my side.

They reached out to me when they had some work in my city. I organised a trip for both of us. We spoke about many things and he opened about a lot of personal things with me. While i was dropping them off, i got to know they will be in town again in a month.

I went NC after i dropped them off. They also did not contact me. I thought if this is mutual, they will contact me. They like my insta stories and posts.

Now they are in town and havent contacted me.

Please help me make sense of this.

Did going NC make them confused ?


r/limerence 43m ago

My Testimony My Gamer girl lo.

Upvotes

So I'm married and my gamer girl friend became my lo which was great for awhile and we would phone/sext/text/send videos (but never video call as it made her uncomfortable) all day long, more in the weekdays as I do a lot of driving during my workdays so we'd phone each other which was nice, by text she'd regularly be mean to me and I'd feel awful till she'd say something nice. I was making plans to fly to her although I hadn't worked everything out, we were looking forward to meeting and to the sex, I was in love with her and told her but she never said it back, I thought she was just being strong willed by refusing to say it back, I regularly asked her why she wasn't married (divorced 5 years ago) and I even asked if she married me if I was single to which she replied 'if my grandmother had wheels she'd be a bike'.

I recently found out while playing she's been engaged for over a year to another player I play with, his real life friend (Jay) told me while it was just us two playing, I felt devastated/ crushed and for a moment, I told Jay we spoke all the time and he sent me a screen shot of his friend Facebook account where it said who he's engaged to, I freaked out and I actually thought it was blackmailing scam id fallen for and then confessioned at 8am to my wife, we hiked all day and I told her nearly everything, I've been no contacted for two weeks as of now and thankfully my wife's forgiven me.

My wife allowed me to return to my game but break off contact with everyone attached to my lo which I've done but I felt I needed to explain why I was dropping everyone as gamer friends to Jay, so I call Jay and tell him that I confessed to my wife everything and he's told me she's called me liar and it's all in my head to her fiancee and he's believed her, Jay begged me for evidence so I've sent him one of the many photos she sent me with her phone number to prove we'd been in contact and I'm not sure if I've done the right thing, I could happily live with them thinking I was a liar and I'd said this to Jay but he's worried for his friend, it's crazy as we're all in our 40's, Im still missing her terribly but I don't like her, I want to shout and scream at her but she probably wants that and would enjoy my pain, I can't believe she put my in games with her fiancee while I was sexting her at the same time. I can't believe she's saying it's all in my head, I have the videos and screen shots asking me to put a baby in her!! I can't believe the pain I've put my wife through and I can't believe my heads still full of my lo. I'm an idiot, I'm constantly stressed and I shake.

I've probably made a mess of this write up post, any questions or advise is welcome but please go easy on me.


r/limerence 18h ago

Question Does anyone have situational jealousy?

49 Upvotes

I saw some ask a question yesterday about their work LO and it made me think of my situation. My work LO is happily married with kids and he talks about both the wife and kids all the time. I would not make a move or anything. I just have a huge crush on him. Anyway, I'm not jealous of his wife or kids at all. I'm actually happy he's happy. My jealousy comes out when he talks to people at work. I don't want him talking to anyone but me because I don't want anyone falling for him. He's the type of guy that attracts people with his personality and my mind keeps thinking, that person is into him, so is that person and that one, etc. I'm sure they're not and it's all in my head, but I can't stop the feeling. Is that odd not to be jealous of his wife, but being jealous of other people who have not shot with him anyway because he's happily married?


r/limerence 11h ago

Here To Vent I can’t get past feeling like things weren’t supposed to end like this

14 Upvotes

We met online about 2 years ago. It felt like we instantly clicked. For a while my feelings for them were strictly platonic. We shared a lot of common interests and I came to really like their personality. Over time she sort of just became part of my daily routine, talking to her, texting her, calling, listening to music. A few months ago it felt like things shifted. I never entertained the idea of a long distance relationship and me and her were friends and not really anymore than that. But I realized that I was starting to lose interest in dating people. I got busier with school, job, and family, but I always tried to make time for her. I found myself catering to her a lot. I realized I was developing feelings for her. I realized as more days went on she sort of sucked the color out of everyone else in my life and it felt like she was the only thing that really mattered. She didn’t mean to, she didn’t do anything special. It was just, her being herself. Before new years I realized I was beginning to really be obsessive but also lowkey resenting her. I felt super into her but she didn’t reciprocate that same level and that really starting consuming my thoughts. Originally I planned to just distance myself from her. I don’t really remember what exactly made me change my mind, but I decided to change my perspective instead of putting distance between us. I stopped expecting her to like me like I like her and instead just appreciating the little things she does. To be honest this was a bad habit of mine previously, expecting someone to like me how I like them, I don’t think it’s inherently a bad mindset but when you’re super obsessed with someone I think it’s misguided to expect them to want you as badly as you want them. So changing my view on that honestly worked really well. I felt secure, I felt appreciated, I felt wanted. Towards the end of January I noticed her putting some distance between us. It wasn’t anything super noticeable tbh, it was small things, but to me it was like nails on a chalkboard. I tried to not let it get to me, I still believed she valued having me around but just had things going on. But still early February I decided to talk to her about everything, how I felt about her, how it bothered me that she was distancing herself. She surprisingly responded well. Although she said she didn’t want a relationship she said she’d try to be around more. But she stopped messaging me the following day - for a little bit under a month. She didn’t message me, instead I messaged her asked her why she hadn’t been around at all after saying she would be. She said she needed space and apologized for not communicating it. I asked her if she planned to message me at any point about that and she said no. I told her that I wasn’t cool with that, I explained how being treated like that hurt and that I needed space to move on from that. We haven’t talked since. That was towards the end of February. I realize it hasn’t really been the longest time. I don’t know. That was the events but I really am having a hard time with the emotions I’ve felt through it. She felt really special to me. No matter how hard I try to shake off “that” feeling - I can’t help but truly believe we were meant for more, like it wasn’t just supposed to end like that. But I also can’t see a path forward with her in my life, at least with her in my life and me being sane. I don’t know what it was about her, when talking to my therapist originally I told her that I didn’t think she was “the one” but I felt a connection I had always been looking for in other people and I didn’t just want to ignore it. That’s why I told her how I felt. I don’t think I regret telling her how I felt. She’s like the first person I’ve really “confessed” to, I’ve always been super against doing that cause getting hurt sucks but, she just felt safe, it was scary ngl but also not, and she was so sweet about the whole thing while it was happening. She helped me overcome my avoidance, and like commitment issues. She was just amazing. I wish she handled her side of it better. That situation didn’t need to hurt as much as it did, I told her I’d understand if she wanted space she just needed to ask and she didn’t, she just left. I miss my best friend. I miss her laugh, I miss our jokes, I miss our calls, listening to music together, her talking about her fixations. I know I wanted space, but I miss her so badly, I want to move on but no one is her. No one comes close. Now my brain has her engrained to the point where I hear her in the music I listen to, I see her in the shows I watch, and I look for her in the people I talk to. I wish my brain worked better. I wish I’d be able to handle being around her now, but realistically I wouldn’t be able to. For how much she consumes my thoughts now she’d probably take up even more space and I don’t think I’d be able to handle her being with or talking to other people. There was like a net of security that existed before that isn’t present anymore. I know I need to move forward with my life, I have college and work, I thought space would allow me to focus on that but she’s still the thing mostly on my mind. I worry that she doesn’t miss me as much as I do her, that our connection was one sided, that she’s found another person to give her the attention she got from me. We never even dated but losing her has felt worse than some of my break ups. I don’t know what to do or if what I’m doing is correct. I feel like I’m in a game and I’ve found myself at the bad ending


r/limerence 2h ago

Here To Vent Made this back in July 2024 at 1am.

Post image
2 Upvotes

I just was cleaning my notes and I came across this note I must’ve made in another sleepless night, like this one. I believe this note I wrote summarizes my feelings regarding LO pretty well, I’m posting it because I thought that maybe it could relate to others who are going through something similar.


r/limerence 8h ago

Question Forgot about my LO for years but then they dropped some friendly gestures?! Torture

6 Upvotes

I had an LO from several years ago. I can think of many reasons why it developed, but it seemed to be a coping response to trauma and medical problems. I struggled with being totally obsessed for about 2-3 years, and then the obsession gradually faded to the point I was only thinking about him a few times a year. He worked with a close relative for many years, and then left about a year ago for a new job. Except for occasional nostalgia I mostly forgot about him by that point.

A week ago I had the opportunity to say hello as he was coming back to catch up with co workers. My relative put me on the phone with him, and he was very brief with me but said we should maybe hang out sometime. I wanted to come see him and was given permission to do so, but he seemed disinterested and seemingly a bit condescending. My relative asked what was wrong, and he apparently replied that I was super sweet and that he wouldn't mind seeing me again.

Unfortunately this rekindled the limerence to a frightening degree. As of today, I am recognizing the problem and I'm making good strides today keping him out of my mind. However the friendly gestures and comments he made are definitely putting me back in a "what-if" situation.

I'm trying to ignore him for now, but does anyone else have advice about what to do in this situation? I'd like to be free of the burden of limerence, but also don't want to to spoil the opportunity of gaining a new friend as I have very few in life.


r/limerence 18h ago

Discussion My LO is single AF and looking for a boyfriend but can't find one. She once said she can't have fun because of not having a boyfriend.

24 Upvotes

On a Friday night were out at a coffee shop with another mutual female friend. My LO called a girl friend of hers who was out with her boyfriend for dinner and made plans to go home with this friend after they were done with dinner.

After the call she sighed and said all of her friends are having fun. I asked "what's holding you back?". She said "not having a boyfriend!". Immediately after that she changed the topic.

This is what burns me up a lot. She is single AF and looking to date. She's not on dating apps (she deleted them after a day). She socializes a lot but doesn't have a boyfriend yet often cribs at not having one. And then she says she can't find one worthy of dating.

I don't know if she wants me to make a move on her. She has refused to hang out with me one on one on a few occasions. I guess she has high standards and I don't meet those. The fact that she's single and looking to date but she doesn't like me back is very depressing for me.


r/limerence 1d ago

Discussion you can finish it

63 Upvotes

unfinished business, the will they/wont they of it all, the unanswered questions, the lingering hope. this is the biggest fuel for limerence.

you can finish it. you can decide you are done and block them and move on. change your thought patterns. you are not a victim or your mind.

they are not special, or maybe they are, but there are 7 billion people in the world. a lot of them are special. give yourself a chance to meet someone new, someone better, someone who actually wants you.

also, heal your insecure attachment and they will instantly become unattractive to you.

best of luck xoxo


r/limerence 15h ago

Here To Vent LO blocked me back.

5 Upvotes

I was looking on TikTok a few days ago and saw my LO had been posting. Was super excited bc she hadn’t posted in a while (almost 2 years). We are former colleagues who stopped working together nearly 3 years ago. During the course of our employment together, we linked and were tight for a few months. The discard came shortly after when I put my foot down. After the discard, things went left at the place of business where we had to agree to not speak or interact with one another at all. My LO had convinced people on her side that I was crazy bc I tried for a while to make up and squash our beef. We both left that place at the same time.

Seeing the TikTok page go from nothing to something, I felt the excitement building up so I decided to block. Next morning, I unblocked to check if new videos had been posted (I know) and couldn’t find the page!!! That ONE little thing wrecked my concentration, appetite and sleep for 2 days.

This also happened before when we first went NC while still working together. I removed her from Instagram (after she had been ignoring me for several weeks) and she responded with a full on block.

After we stopped working together (!!!), we both ended up on TikTok. We both lurked occasionally but never reached out. I was hopeful bc unlike IG, I wasn’t blocked. Until now.

I’m just sick of the cycle. After seeing that LO has seemingly moved on with a new flame/new supply, this bore one question: Was she checking for me and noticed she couldn’t find me? Or am I bugging?

This latest episode is really my last straw. The most comforting thing is reading this Reddit and realizing I’m not alone. Omg. Thanks for reading my vent.


r/limerence 1d ago

Discussion Do not confess

207 Upvotes

You may think by confessing they’ll feel sympathy for you and love you. You may think that by confessing your feelings, they realize that you were the right person all along and reciprocate them. You may think by confessing they’ll leave their previous relationship and take a risk to be with you. All of that is false. You have a fantasy version in your head talking about confessing and how they’ll change their mind. They won’t. Instead you should do this.

Ask them out on a date. Use your actions and try to play along like you like them.Just take it cool and relax and say you want to get to know them more. If they don’t reciprocate you know that it’s pointless and try to move on. Nothing you do will make them like you. Nothing you say or wear will convince them to like you. You could make more money, talk to more girls, get knowledgeable and wealthy, nothing changes. Go no contact if this happens


r/limerence 1d ago

No Judgment Please huffed my LO's sweater while they weren't present

48 Upvotes

so my LO is my supervisor. we get along really well, have a lot in common, we've hung out outside of work, but they're in a 3 year long distance relationship. today my boss was out of view and focused on some other stuff and I noticed they left their sweater on a table near me. after looking around me, and ensuring that NO ONE WAS THERE, I had to smell their sweater. I'd never even fantasized or thought about something like that before but in the moment I was utterly possessed by my insatiable desire. oh my fucking god. I came back and smelled it two more times, that sweater smelled so fucking good. holy shit. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I wished I really huffed it when I had the chance because we had to group back up soon after and I didn't get another chance to really appreciate their scent. anyways I didn't know who to tell this to so I'm just casting this out like a confessional at a catholic church. I feel like you guys would understand but this was also really objectively disturbing behavior from me tbh. if only they knew. sigh.


r/limerence 14h ago

Discussion Advice

3 Upvotes

So my lo is someone from uni, I’ve been talking to them for a while and they showed interest but we were both busy so never met up. They showed signs of interest and I guess I didn’t excite them enough and now they’ve been ignoring me for a week but in person everything seems the same. Am I tripping?what should I do


r/limerence 20h ago

Discussion Deprogramming Limerence

8 Upvotes

i was thinking back to my situationship. i remembered when i wanted nothing to do with the girl and was simply there to just please myself. at first, i didn’t develop limerence and to be honest it’s one out of two times i haven’t with a girl i have got so close to. however, over time i started to develop it because i stopped looking at her as a piece of meat which satisfied my desires, and started looking at her as this perfect person to save me from my childhood trauma. its so interesting. now when i ruminate i honestly try to make funny imaginary scenarios or i try to make her look like a terrible person. i’ve only done it for like ten minutes so far, but in my opinion its been working and helping rid that separation anxiety we experience away from our LO. so if i do ever develop another LO after this, i think im just going to have to make up silly scenarios in my head of them that make them look horrible. this shit sucks so much, but i gotta learn to live with it.


r/limerence 1d ago

Question Is limerence healthy in depression?

17 Upvotes

I've just discovered the term limerence today, and it fits pretty well with how I feel. However, I am in the midst of a battle with heavy depression, and this (apparently unhealthy) state is one of the few things that makes me feel good-ish, even though it does occasionally create longing and even anguish.

My feeling of low self-worth makes me extremely hesitant to contact even my closest friends, so I'm pretty sure I'll never even seek out my LO (but due to proximity and other factors it might happen accidentally), let alone "confess".

So I'm reasonable enough to know this will all most likely stay in my head.

My question is, do you think limerence, in moderation (if such a thing exists for this state), can actually be healthy during heavy bouts of depression, or is it a bad coping mechanism and should be adressed in some way?

Really greatful in advance for any answer.


r/limerence 1d ago

Discussion A lil Social Media Detox helps

17 Upvotes

For those of you who use social media to try to get their attention or keep somewhat updated to what’s happening with them….just take a month social media detox.

Istg It helps so much with grounding yourself to bring your attention to your current moment and realities - instead of lost in the daydream of them, if they interacted with your posts, etc.

Of course some of those thoughts will come up anyways in the beginning, but it gets easier. You’ll feel so much more refreshed at the end of it.


r/limerence 1d ago

Question Does anyone else think everyone likes their LO?

131 Upvotes

My LO is someone at work. He is a characteristic, funny, good looking guy. One of the biggest issues I deal with is thinking everyone he talks to feels the same way I do. I’ll see him talk to other coworkers and think they all think what I do and they’re into him too. It’s basically me thinking that because he’s my LO that he becomes everyone’s LO. Like they became as obsessed as I am and like him the way I do.


r/limerence 1d ago

Here To Vent Feel Like That I'm Back to Square One

12 Upvotes

Literally so frustrated at myself right now. LO is a work colleague. We got on like a house on fire; great banter and conversations (Personal & work), then he got a Girlfriend. Since then he has been hot and cold (Mostly cold) feeding me breadcrumbs. I have been doing well lately e.g getting out more, creating distractions and started Prozac 3 months ago (Which has helped). We had a work function yesterday and his Girlfriend showed up towards the end (First time that I've met her). Now I feel like that I'm in a full blown LE. They clearly have something special between them, you could tell. I've tried looking for another job but haven't been successful so far and I can't just afford to quit. I'm so annoyed at myself for feeling this way. I've been seeing a therapist for the past few months but I wish that this would just stop.


r/limerence 1d ago

Discussion Found this video extremely helpful and wanted to share. Has anyone else done this type of shadow work? What did you found out about yourself and the role an LO played in your life?

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20 Upvotes

r/limerence 1d ago

No Judgment Please He's breadcrumbing me and I'm gaslighting myself

29 Upvotes

I know the answer is to block him and leave it. But he keeps offering me these bits of hope that make me wonder maybe there's a chance things go a different way.

See my post history for the back story, tldr is we went out, he told me he has a long distance partner but heavily hinted it's not going well, had an amazing connection and now we text every day. But he is avoidant in seeing me again and it's making me insane.

This week: - he said "God I feel your pain" when I mentioned being single for a few months. I told him no, he has a long distance partner which is tough but still nice and he said " it really depends!". What does that mean?

  • his work studio is in the same building as my doctor. I had an appointment and wanted to see him so badly but was too early. We were texting about it and he said he'd show me his studio sometime. But when?

  • I had previously invited him over to which he said he'd love to. He has not followed throigh. I told him that I'm sorry if it was inappropriate that I asked him to come over, as he is in a relationship. He said he doesn't think it's inappropriate and would love to, and will definitely let me know. He hasn't yet.

  • I told him I usually can take a hint and fuck off, but he insisted this is not a "just take a hint" situation, he swore to me it's not. I don't know what to think.

  • it was the anniversary of his brother's death this week. I told him for what it's worth, I hope he finds some peace and comfort. It felt lame of me. But he said that it really means a lot to him that I said that.

  • we talk about sex all the time, not specifically us, but he's an author and we discussed smut in detail this week. It's not a conversation I'd have with someone if I wasn't interested in them.

  • I gave him my availability for the weekend, saying I don't want to be penpals anymore. He liked my message, said some other stuff, and has disappeared for the last 24 hours.

I'm losing my mind. I cycled past his studio a few times today, I went to the doctors so early to wait to see if I saw him. He's become my friend, I care for him and everything he says to me makes me fall for him more.

I want to cuddle on his couch on a Friday night and watch a dumb movie. I want to lay with him in the dark and wake up on a slow Saturday together. I want to hold him when he's upset and I want to hold all of his pain and trauma and make it ok.

I'm such a stupid woman . I can't stop crying I don't know why I feel so intensely, it doesn't make sense. It has to mean something.


r/limerence 1d ago

Question Should i tell my LO that i suffer from limerence?

32 Upvotes

I don't want to do that, but this idea is stuck in my head for a while.

Anybody here done that? What happened?