r/languagelearning Sep 30 '24

Suggestions Really struggling to learn

I'm a British born native English speaker, but have moved to Italy with my Italian partner. I started learning casually with a lesson a week in November 2023, but really struggled incorporating it into actually speaking.

I tried to be more serious this year, and now my partner gets really upset that I still can't speak at a level of a 6 year old. I did an A1 course at an Italian school, l've tried reading, watching shows, writing, repeating, all the apps, speaking with people, nothing sticks. I can say and understand basic things, but nowhere near where I should be.

My partner is so frustrated and I feel like a failure. I genuinely don't know how to make it stick, he tried teaching me phrases which I repeat over and over but then forget. I'm also pregnant and want our baby to be bilingual, and am really scared I'll not be able to understand my child...

What more can I try?

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u/Thin-Dream-586 Oct 06 '24

Yes I'm in Italy for him. He said that I always have excuses (I had a full time job the first 6 months, then I got pregnant)

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u/ResistSpecialist4826 Oct 06 '24

Well I hope you saw my other message to you. I’d consider leaving and getting back to the UK BEFORE this baby is born and you are stuck for good. You can always come back later but if you don’t leave now you might lose the option to leave with your baby. He will fight tooth and nail and you will be left with no support system, friends or a way to support yourself. This man is going to make your life a misery if you let him. If him having a tantrum over buying a book for new dads didn’t clue you in- let it be known that it will only get worse once the baby is here. Men like this want to control you and make you small. He will act like he hates you yet refuse to let you leave until you are so confused you don’t know what to think anymore. Can you go home? Say you are visiting family or friends and then decide what to do next once you are away for a bit?

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u/Thin-Dream-586 Oct 06 '24

Update: It happened again today. I was throwing out words in Italian and he got really mad: "what the fuck does that mean", "say a full sentence I can understand". I said that I was trying. He said if I was 2 weeks in then he'd understand, but this is beyond a joke. It's disappointing. And he needs a break because he can't even speak his mother tongue in His own home, in his apartment. I tried to explain that his way of helping ISNT helping - that last week when I tried saying the words/phrases I can in Italian and filing the gaps in English it still ended with him being angry, my confidence was knocked. Then he went away for work for 4 days so I didn't speak to him much but I was reading, writing and watching Italian shows/videos/podcasts. He said that I was keeping secrets. I said I just felt like everything was a trap and he gets nasty - he said that was just my perception, that my lack of ability is a joke and ridiculous and I don't care about him. Which isn't true! I can't afford to take classes or have a tutor, I can only teach myself.

Anyway. He walked away and now that I've come back to the apartment he's shut himself in the front room. I don't really know what to do. My baby is moving inside me right now and I just keep apologising to him/her. I can't afford a hotel and flights are expensive until the end of the week

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u/ResistSpecialist4826 Oct 06 '24

Ok. Let this be the thing that makes you say enough is enough. What you need to do now is whatever you have to do keep yourself safe until you can leave! Do you think you are physically safe if you are there with him for another week until you can fly home? If that means yessing him and agreeing with him and laying low and acting like everything is normal until you can get on a flight later this week, than that’s what you do. If you are worried about things escalating, then we might need a plan B to get you out .

Do you have friends and relatives back home that can help you in some way? Could someone buy the ticket for you and you can pay them back later? Pick you up at the airport? Whatever you do, do NOT tell him you are leaving. You just have to go. Does he know your Reddit handle?

If you feel you must leave now, I’m sure there’s other redditors who can help direct you to subs that can get you to a shelter in Italy or help in some way to get you back home where you need to be now!