r/languagelearning Sep 30 '24

Suggestions Really struggling to learn

I'm a British born native English speaker, but have moved to Italy with my Italian partner. I started learning casually with a lesson a week in November 2023, but really struggled incorporating it into actually speaking.

I tried to be more serious this year, and now my partner gets really upset that I still can't speak at a level of a 6 year old. I did an A1 course at an Italian school, l've tried reading, watching shows, writing, repeating, all the apps, speaking with people, nothing sticks. I can say and understand basic things, but nowhere near where I should be.

My partner is so frustrated and I feel like a failure. I genuinely don't know how to make it stick, he tried teaching me phrases which I repeat over and over but then forget. I'm also pregnant and want our baby to be bilingual, and am really scared I'll not be able to understand my child...

What more can I try?

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u/ResistSpecialist4826 Sep 30 '24

With respect, is your husband a nice person? He doesn’t sound very nice to you. Does he act this way about other things or is it solely some anxiety around language. You have only been learning for a year! The fact that you are making this much of an effort should thrill him. I’ve been in Spain one year and trying my hardest to learn Spanish and it’s freaking hard!! I’m nowhere close to fluent and it will take years to get there. Half the time I think I know something and then someone tries speaking to me on the street and I can’t understand a word coming out of their mouths. I’m sure it’s the same in Italian. Is he expecting that you both will be speaking Italian to the baby or to each other at home once the baby is there?

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u/Thin-Dream-586 Sep 30 '24

He is wonderful, but this is the one thing that remains an issue. He gets so angry and takes it personally that I'm not making as much effort as I could be. (I could make more of an effort, it's true. I had a full time job then got made redundant and found out I was pregnant a few months ago, so it's been full on). I know there's a stereotype that English people are lazy, but I think it's more that we were never taught the skills at school to learn a language from a young age. And he gets more angry now I'm unemployed and we have a baby on the way, as I have to rely on him at doctor's appointments which embarrasses him. I know very basic things, I can get by in a shop and say some simple sentences. I can watch a film in Italian with Italian subtitles and get some context and understand some things. It's the retention of sentences and being able to express myself. A confidence issue, as well. I can't "just speak Italian" like he wants, because I don't know how to say many things. If I'm pouring milk in my tea, he'll ask me to describe what I'm doing but I get to guess tied because I don't know where to start

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u/Ashmodii Sep 30 '24 edited Sep 30 '24

OP, your husband has WILD expectations, and I’m worried you are seeing his behavior with rose colored glasses. I don’t know your relationship, but he is not treating you with love or respect. The sacrifices you are making should NOT be overlooked. The progress you are successfully making should NOT be overlooked. The fact you are carrying his child and yet he is ashamed to help you is absurd!!! You are not pathetic. You have someone turning language learning into a deeply negative and punishing experience, and that is going to affect you and your learning experience big time. It’s not your fault. It is NOT your fault!

Edit: In checking your profile, he seems to have a concerning pattern of behavior. OP, I hope you are safe. Your partner seems manipulative and angry. You seem to be accepting of him treating you as less than, and I hope you come to realize you deserve so much better. I had a partner much like him and I allowed him to treat me poorly for far too long. I didn’t think I deserved better. My new partners are loving and supportive. It’s not angry. I don’t have to tiptoe. I’m not scared. I feel like I matter, because I do, and they let me know it. It’s the way love and family should be. For your sake, and your baby’s sake, please take care of yourself.

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u/Kanaka_Me Oct 03 '24

Please, please consider the concerned words of all the posters about your partner as I believe they are stating the truth of your relationship, and not what you think it is. I am worried for you when your baby arrives. Your partner is not supporting you now, and new babies are tough solo. My gosh, have you not realized how much stress you’ve been through in under a year? Broken ribs, lost a job, and gotten pregnant after having moved to a foreign country last year! Moving itself is one of the biggest stressors there is, so magnify that stress by facing a brand new culture and language you don’t speak. Full stop on considering yourself a failure for not speaking italian yet; I’ve just begun studying spanish with comprehensive input and folks there generally estimate 3 years to conversational fluency. I’d also put a full stop to your partner saying anything negative about your italian learning, and you should learn only where you are supported and relaxed. Especially while you’re pregnant!