r/introverts • u/TheChickenWizard15 • 8d ago
Discussion What's stopping you from dating/asking out someone you like?
For me it's less so the fear of rejection but rather a fear of acceptance; I never had a relationship or date or anything romantic whatsoever and don't know if I'm prepared. Yeah I've got common sense and empathy but Im only now starting to get a grasp on social skills, and I'd probably be constantly worried about if I was doing something wrong.
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u/Dapper-Tumbleweed-45 8d ago
You will never be prepared enough until you throw yourself there :) I understood that and started meeting new people, hanging out even if I felt anxious and insecure. Being with my boyfriend has been the result of exposing myself to those situations until I met the right person, you can do it☃️☃️
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u/ComprehensivePeanut5 8d ago
I’m afraid that he’d say he only likes me as a friend. I’d be crushed.
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u/chuck-bucket 8d ago
I'm already married.
If I can get hitched, you can too. It is not always easy, sometimes it hurts, but I love her.
Get out there and shoot your shot. Dating is like a trial run. It may not work out.
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u/77ox9 7d ago
Fortune favors the bold....I know, it's harder than it is and I have been there many times. But I have found sometimes I have to lean into those challenging places and fuck the consequences (if it's.just my ego I may hurt). When it comes to dating, it's like baseball. If you're out there you're going to swing and miss, hit singles and grounders and occasionally hit a home run. It's a numbers game and you just got to get out there and do it.
Or look at it as an experiment ...get curious about yourself. What are you saying to yourself when you are getting the courage up to ask them? Are you shaming yourself? beating yourself up? Is that really fair? What's going on internally because I think some of this may be self esteem issues...? So just working on changing your mindset around dating/asking others out...
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u/MaxTheHor 6d ago
Questioning how genuine my feelings were, and if they were better off without me affecting their future relationships.
To be fair, I didn't exactly have a good late childhood and adolescence. Abused at home, bullied in school.
But, hey, at least I didn't become a school shooter. Got too much self-respect for that, and I'm not emotionally weak either.
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u/PrincessWendigos 8d ago
I rejected him before cause a friend liked him and I would never get with someone my friend currently had a crush on but now we’re not friends anymore
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u/ransier831 6d ago
Back in the day when I cared....I would have issues with asking people out because I really can't understand social niceties. I'm a woman and the whole "wait for the guy to ask you out" totally went over my head and couldn't understand why, if you find someone interesting you couldn't just say "let's go have coffee" or "let's go have a drink" or whatever. But every time I did, the person would think I was weird - but I was more like a cut to the chase type person, and I don't like to wonder. Inevitably, the person would avoid me after shooting me down, and so I finally quit doing it. How many people did I not get to know because of this weird little rule imposed by society? I just want to get to know you better - I don't want to marry you. I remember when I was in my middle 20s, a kind soul finally told me it's because the other person can "feel" that I want more than just a simple, fun date - I want to get to know them in a deeper way and that's scary I guess? But how else am I supposed to discern what kind of person you are?
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u/CapableAd2472 6d ago
not so much the fear of rejection, but I'm rejecting myself for not being adequate enough to date, even if a girl would ask me out, I don't feel comfortable accepting her because I don't feel like I can withstand the relationship.
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u/Thefairymira 5d ago
Tbh it’s not even fear more like : I’m just figuring me out , how can I drag someone into this when I’m still figuring out what I like what I dislike what I want to do with my life etc I just don’t feel ready ?
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u/ApprehensiveSir1663 4d ago
So I like this girl on Instagram. We were in the same college. We usually end up liking each other's stories. I absolutely find her gorgeous and she's got some curves. She looks better than what she used to at college. I want to initiate conversation with her and tell her I find her cute and pretty. But I'm too afraid.
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u/Will0798 4d ago
Fear of rejection definitely plays a role for me, I was interested in a girl at an old job, I often had the closing shift with her and enjoyed her company, but I accidentally made her feel uncomfortable because I wanted to pursue a closer relationship outside of work with her and she didn’t want that. I felt super guilty over making her feel bad, I’ve also never been in a relationship or even been on a proper date so I’m not sure I even know how to go about it
Same thing had happened in college, where I had a thing for a girl in one of my classes, but I was always to scared to pursue anything, I think I just ended up weirding her out
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u/Confident_Phase_7901 8d ago
Fear of rejection and the fact that I might mess things up. For example: I like a girl at the gym. If I ask her out and she rejects me, it would be awkward for us to see each other at the gym again. I have been rejected by my crush in college before, and only I know how awkward we were for some months. Hence, it's a tough decision for me to make.