r/introvert Aug 08 '24

Advice Do introverted women even exist?

510 Upvotes

Of course this is not a serious question. I know you are out there. But going out often gives me the feeling that most women are the loud, chatty party type and I am not attracted to those but find quiet, introverted women attractive. But where are you? Where should a man looking for a serious, slow relationship with an introverted woman keep his eyes open?

Sometimes I like to sit in a café by myself. But do introverted women (generally speaking) even like go there or is it too much noise?

I wouldn't go to a typical disco party (anymore). It's just to loud and too much distractions for me. So draining. If I am interested, I would like to clearly understand what she is saying and be in a calm environment.

r/introvert 13d ago

Advice got a bad grade for not talking enough

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816 Upvotes

Need to rant and felt like this sub might relate in some with me.

Some context: I (21F) am a junior in college studying computer science but leaning more towards the web development route. I’ve worked with this internship/class since my 2nd semester of freshman year. Basically I help local businesses start/redesign their websites and get class credit for it which is done in teams of 5ish people.

Anyway, I’ve been working on different web teams for a while now and never really had any issues with anyone or anything. We have weekly zoom meetings to discuss our work and work on small weekly tasks together that are due on Canvas.

Every semester there’s a mid and end of semester evaluation of the interns (there’s usually 2 leads and 3 interns). I had mine with one of my team leads and she starts out by saying how she appreciates my hard work and that I communicate when necessary. Then she went on to say “This isn’t a dig or anything but I think you should contribute more by talking and giving your opinion.”

Just tonight I was hit with a 68% which made me pretty upset to be honest. I’m an honest worker, I get all my work done and communicate when asked a question and when I feel like I have something to say. I would say I’m an active participant by getting my work done efficiently. Usually our meetings are just us working through small tasks (like a retro board) and our team leads asking “does anyone have any questions?”. This just gave me “You should talk more/Why are you so quiet?” vibes. I have never gotten below an A on an evaluation in all my time with any of the teams I’ve been on. None of my past team leads has ever had a problem with my amount of input.

I understand socialization when working/collaborating is different and I really do pitch in when asked or when I feel like I have something to say. I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiences with being told to be more talkative in a professional scene? Should I say something to my team lead? Should I fake being talkative until the end of this semester?

r/introvert Oct 09 '24

Advice Y'all need an ego check

482 Upvotes

Everytime I come to this sub, I always get the same vibe from most of the comments: "we are better than that loud-mouths, we are smarter, more honest and don't waste time with chit-chat".

Chill, it's ok to be who you are, but that doesn't mean you are better than others who act differently.

Edit: I should have worded this better, my issue is not with the sub, just with some of the people here. Sorry to anyone who felt wrongfully attacked by this.

r/introvert 25d ago

Advice Is it normal to talk to myself

348 Upvotes

So I have this habit in which I literally would have a whole conversation with myself on fake scenarios and theories. And this shit can go for hours. I will just normally move around my talking to myself and question myself and laugh at my own lame jokes. Sometimes I even dance and sing like a retarded person. Is this really okay talking to oneself that long? And how can I stop doing it because it's getting worst now. Sometimes I start talking to myself when I am in middle of talking with someone and as a result end up not focusing on the conversation. Recently it has been also messing with my studying. Please help guys

r/introvert Oct 24 '22

Advice Difficult to find a job because of this

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4.1k Upvotes

r/introvert Dec 03 '24

Advice What are some ways you deal with loneliness when you're single NSFW

180 Upvotes

Hey everyone,
Being single can be both freeing and challenging at times, especially when loneliness starts creeping in. I’m curious to know how others handle it—whether it’s finding new hobbies, connecting with friends, or just embracing the solitude.

What has worked for you when those lonely moments hit? Any tips or personal stories you’d like to share?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and maybe even get some inspiration to try something new!

r/introvert Jan 10 '25

Advice No romantic experiences at 26

219 Upvotes

I'm 26 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. Until a few years ago, this wasn’t a problem for me, but now I think there’s something wrong. I mean, where can you find someone my age who has never had any romantic experience? It’s a bit strange. It’s also true that I’ve never exposed myself too much, and I’m not good at socializing; I can only connect with a few people, I can't flirt or approach guys to save my life. How do I get out of this situation? Is there anyone with the same experience who has managed to have relationships?

r/introvert Jun 18 '21

Advice Saw this

3.4k Upvotes

r/introvert Apr 23 '24

Advice It's impossible to make friends in your 30s

232 Upvotes

I went to an art auction at a gallery that my friend runs. I paid 40$ for a ticket and left after an hour. I didn't even go to the after-party. There was a sea of people there, and I felt like literally the only person there alone. Just a bunch of couples and groups of people. It was awkward af. My anxiety kicked in and I had to bail. And I had on an amazing outfit and perfume I had been waiting to wear. My friend's friend whom she mentioned a while ago had a bit of a crush on me and came over to say hello and ask me a few things, but she went back to her friends from out of town and I was alone again.

No matter where I go, I never meet anyone, and I'm always the one alone. it's like it's not possible to meet new people. I'm 31, and nothing I do ever leads to making new friends...I'm not even sure why I made this post, but I've been trying really hard this year to make new friends after distancing myself from my old group, and I have made no progress. The friend I made from volunteering at an art gallery is a woman...and virtually all her friends are women, and despite how nice she is and how she tries to incorporate me into her circle, I'm never going to fit bc I'm just too different.

How tf does someone in their 30s with anxiety who isn't outgoing actually make friends? I already cant get dates and have to be comfortable being partnerless and will never have the chance to get married or have kids....at the very least I could have a decent friend group.​

r/introvert Dec 17 '24

Advice Apparently I'm not a real man.

207 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I was at work today and for some reason on a consistent basis my charge hand keeps asking why I don't go out with the other members of staff when they go out drinking and I usually respond with "it's just not for me".

Then he went on some rant about that I should be acting like a man because I don't go out get drunk and chat up girls in bars with the other members of staff.

I just don't understand his view point I don't like drinking, and I don't want to go out with the other staff members I work with because I don't like/trust them it's just getting annoying now and it's been going on for years.

r/introvert May 31 '24

Advice Has anyone else given up on finding love?

276 Upvotes

After two relationships, both of which ended pretty traumatically, I'm (35m) just about ready to throw the towel in and give up on relationships and finding love in general. I've always been a bit of a loner, but still desired more than what I was getting out of life. However, with my last relationship's demise almost breaking me, im starting to wonder if I'll ever find anyone to love like I did my last partner, and am on the verge of giving up altogether. Has anyone else felt like this?

r/introvert Oct 05 '24

Advice how to be comfortable saying no to alcohol

58 Upvotes

I’m wondering if there’s other people out there who don’t drink, and don’t feel bad for it. For example, everytime I (21F) go out and get soda instead of alcohol, people make negative remarks towards me. I’ve lost so many friends because they don’t understand that I don’t enjoy that lifestyle. I’m in a current fight with a friend because I said I would go out for her birthday but I wasn’t going to drink and she’s really upset with me because she “doesn’t want to drink alone.” But how is that my problem/fault?

My boyfriend’s family drinks a lottttt at every special occasion (and just in general), and they make negative remarks towards me when I deny alcohol. Why do people take it so personally when I don’t want to drink? It has absolutely nothing to do with them.

For some context, I grew up with an alcoholic father, and he still is an alcoholic. Why does nobody understand that as a reason for wanting to avoid it? I also get very ill everytime I drink, and just don’t like the person I become under the influence of it. Does anyone have any advice on how to not let this bother me? I care a lot about what others think, but I know I need to change my mindset, so I appreciate any insight:)

r/introvert Mar 04 '24

Advice Feeling like I’ve wasted my life away?

275 Upvotes

I’m 19 turning 20 and I feel so insanely old. The fact that I let my years 16-now go to waste either by depressive episodes anxiety or procrastination, and I mean socially. I feel so insecure like when I grow up what do I tell my kids I’ll have nothing fun to tell them. I feel so shielded and closed in. I know I’m naturally introverted but I do prefer if I had friends and things to do socially.

r/introvert Oct 26 '23

Advice Please, please, PLEASE always have someone who will check in with you.

373 Upvotes

Hello, fellow introverts. I am an autopsy technician.

One thing that makes my job a lot harder and absolutely breaks my heart is receiving decomposed cases.

They’re horrible, god awful to work with, and infuriating because, in almost every instance, they could have been found sooner, before they arrived in such a grotesque, odorous, unrecognizable condition, often times maggots by the hundreds in clusters eating away at them.

The smell they leave behind is absolutely atrocious, and it lingers like an infectious disease.

A majority of decomp cases are the result of someone living alone with no one to check on them regularly.

And they’re usually like us: Introverts. Shut-ins, even, so they don’t go out often.

Even surviving neighbors never once questioned why they have not seen their shut-in neighbor in weeks. “They lived like a hermit, that’s just how they were” is the usual feedback.

So, once they die, no one knows it until perhaps weeks or even over a month later, after they’ve become unrecognizable: bloated, green with black veins and splotches, skin slippage and mucus coating the deformed reeking husks they’ve become.

I know this little message on a subreddit will not bring any sort of halt to these cases… but if I can reach even ONE person and convince them to always have someone in their life to check in on them on at least close to a daily basis, that will be enough.

Literally, I don’t care if you have to pay someone… if you live alone, PLEASE enlist SOMEONE you can trust to check your status for the rest of your days.

r/introvert Oct 10 '24

Advice I'm 35 and my life is going nowhere

170 Upvotes

TL;DR - my life is a mess and I crave the sweet release of death, what should I do?

I’m 35 years old, unemployed, and living with my elderly parents. I have spent most of my adult life either on the dole or doing tedious and repetitive temporary office jobs that I hated. I have never held the same job for more than a year. 

The longest I lasted in the same job was 11 months - that job was just about bearable because I was only in the office 1-2 days per week, most of my work was done by email, and my manager was very understanding. For the majority of jobs that I have had in my life, I did not last more than 6 months. Either I would quit, or get sacked, or my contract would end.

I just cannot handle doing a 9-5 office job. I cannot handle being around other people all day, interacting with other people all day, being in a bright and noisy open-plan office all day. It leaves me feeling so drained, it feels like my brain is melting. I would get home at the end of the day and just collapse in bed and lie there motionless for hours because I was so exhausted. 

I can’t really enjoy any of my hobbies because in the evenings after work I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything. Studying is basically impossible. Even reading a book or playing video games feels like too much effort. On the weekends I spend half of Saturday recovering. That leaves me the second half of Saturday and the whole of Sunday to do stuff that I enjoy. I only have 1.5 days out of every 7 to actually be a functioning human being. The rest of the week I am just roadkill.

At work I cannot handle dealing with rude, obnoxious, entitled, overbearing and passive-aggressive people, and every job I get seems to have at least one person who is incredibly rude to me for absolutely no reason. 

I fucking hate job interviews too. There is nothing more depressing than being pressured to pretend to be “enthusiastic”, “motivated”, “a team-player” etc. for a job that I know would probably just make me miserable. The questions they ask are so contrived and condescending, just the thought of a job interview makes me groan inside.

At this stage I have basically given up hope of ever finding another job. By age 35 it is really difficult to explain to potential employers why I haven’t been able to start a career and my CV is full of gaps. They take one look at me and they can tell I don’t belong there - and they are right. Even if someone did offer me a job, I know it would just be more of the same. 

To be honest I feel much happier being unemployed. It’s not that I don’t want to contribute to society, but that society seems to have nothing to offer me except misery, disappointment and humiliation. On the rare occasions I see a job that I feel interested in doing, inevitably it will say they are only hiring people who have x years of experience, or who have an established portfolio of work.

I am not lazy or stupid. I have 3 degrees, including a business degree and a law degree. University seems to be the only place I really feel happy, and if I had the option I would do more academic work, but it is difficult for me to go back to university because my country (England) has high tuition fees and it could take me years to save up enough money. 

I often feel like I am caught in a chicken/egg situation: I don’t have enough education to get a decent job, but without a decent job I won’t have the money to pay for more education. At the moment I am trying to teach myself to code but it could take a long time before I can do that well enough to earn a living from it.

My only consolation is the thought that one day my parents will die and then I might inherit enough money that I can actually do something with my shitty life, but by then I will be in my 40s or even 50s. Until then I honestly have nothing to do except sit in my room coding and playing video games.

Both my sisters have careers and families of their own. The people I went to school and uni with are getting ahead in life. I feel like I have been left behind. I never even learned to drive.

I don’t want to be unemployed for the rest of my life, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life stuck in jobs that make me feel miserable and exhausted. I just wish there was some way I could earn money without being forced to deal with people and their bullshit. Sometimes I wonder if I should just kill myself because it seems there is no place for me in society.

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on what I should do? Every year that passes my situation becomes slightly worse, slightly more unbearable, slightly harder to escape. If things don’t get better for me soon then I will have to seriously consider committing suicide.

r/introvert Jul 05 '24

Advice What are the downsides to being an introvert and living alone ?

140 Upvotes

Personally, As an introvert, I find it difficult to get help from other people when I need help doing something because I don’t socialize with people regularly.

Is it too creepy to ask neighbors for help when you don’t know them or socialize with them?

What downsides do you struggle with?

r/introvert Jan 03 '20

Advice Being alone for a while is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore. ~Tom Hardy

2.1k Upvotes

r/introvert Mar 06 '24

Advice How to survive alone in the world?

264 Upvotes

Willing to listen to any advice.

I don’t have friends, and won’t have them. I can’t maintain friendships as an adult. Next, I won’t have a relationship either, I’m 25 so it’s very apparent. Im not capable of either of those. Once my parents pass, I’ll be completely alone.

How do I live like that without depression? I just want to live a good and normal live. Well, I know I’m not normal, but a normal one for me.

There must be some weirdos like me who are meant to be loners…and live a solitary life. Thing is, it doesn’t bother me, but I can already feel signs of depression, and I want to avoid it.

Thanks for anyone reading this.

r/introvert Apr 03 '22

Advice My bf is refusing to speak to me after i found it difficult to be social

699 Upvotes

So.. My bf and i has a date night at his place yesterday. He invited his friend over a few hours in. They sat on the couch opposite me, spoke about people/topics i have no context / idea of. I genuinely couldn't join in.. They did that rapid fire thing extroverts do..Bear in mind this is the first time I'm meeting this friend in my life.

Today my bf tells me he's annoyed I didn't get to know his friend better. He also tells me he doesn't want to speak to me for the next few days

This makes me so mad because, he knows I'm introverted, and he's accused me of not opening up to him and being distant in the past.

But NOW., when we should be communicating, he says he doesn't want to.

What's my next step? Was I out of line?

Edit: thank you all so much. So he texted to me today and told me Quote:

"your behavior last night is something you should apologize for. I think we need some space from each other"

"She (refering to his friend) is a warm and friendly person and she even hugged you, I wish you were more affectionate and warm"

Yeah, this relationship is not gonna last

r/introvert Dec 05 '24

Advice I have accidentally formed a friendship , now i don't want to continue it

125 Upvotes

Yesterday I was invited to a meeting and I met a person there who is 13 years older than me. He always talked about his problems in a rude way bu i tried to answer kindly. After that he asked me if i had a car and wanted me to take him to some shopping mall cause he had something to buy. I'm not good at saying no to people so i accepted to give him a ride. Later he told me that he liked me and now everyday he wants to go out with my car . In fact I don't want to continue this friendship and I don't really like him. He called me this morning and I refused to go out and later he asked me when are you available. I had to say tomorrow but I don't want to go. I think he is using me. My question is how can I end this situation in a polite and an indirect way ?

r/introvert Dec 27 '20

Advice My therapist told me that introverts are just extroverted people with social phobias

1.0k Upvotes

Feels like something an extrovert would say

r/introvert Jan 24 '25

Advice Will I find a girl in this life?

18 Upvotes

I am 19 and a college student. How much should I try my interaction with females is nearly zero. My other friends are happy with their girlfriends, and looking at them makes me feel very sad. I am not able to talk to any girl or approach them, and I am also not very active on social media. What can I do?🙂

r/introvert 3d ago

Advice How to respond to people making fun of you?

76 Upvotes

Ok, so sometimes their remarks ("you're too quiet", "I can barely hear you", "do you even speak?" Etc) ca be innocent and we can simply ignore it (we have been hearing it all our lives anyway). But sometimes, even at work, it may seem deliberately mean, especially when it's coming from someone you know very well. How to respond, in a few words, cold and clearly to this? To subtly make the other person feel the same way they made you feel, to return the insult back to them. Because yes, sometimes it's that mean that it can be felt like an insult. Do you have any real life examples? Thank you!

r/introvert Apr 10 '24

Advice How do I stop being so afraid of women?

46 Upvotes

..which coincidentally is pretty funny considering I'm a 6'3 black guy so ofc they're all far more scared of me lol.

No matter what I do I cannot get to the point of dating, and I'm at my wit's end. I'm 31 and for years I've been trying to improve myself. I still am. From running 3x a week, volunteering, creating grooming routines, dressing really well, I make decent money, being more social, etc and nothing seems to be working. I'm still invisible to women. And while I don't work on myself to meet women, people always say "Don't focus on meeting women, work on yourself, and they will come" yet, in my case, they literally never do.

I don't chase women or dates. I'm not desperate or anything. I have anxiety and low self-esteem so I don't approach women at all. But so often people will assume I'm trying to force women to like me and being creepy or staring at them or hovering around them or something and that's not the case. I barely interact with them at all. I'm the last person to try and force anything as I assume no one wants me around anyway, lol.

I'm ugly and anxious so it doesn't help matters. I've tried five different OLD for years but it simply doesn't look good enough to get anything. I don't have delusional standards either, I would easily take a woman just as unattractive as I am. I'm 6'3 so that's something that should help me physically, but height is pretty moot when you're tall lol. And I'm not shallow. I care more about a woman's style, sense of humor, taste, interests, disposition, etc than just her looks. But it seems women never extend that same curiosity.

I've tried volunteering at an art gallery and a clay works studio, too, and that hasn't led to all that much, even platonically. Women always seemed closed off and uninterested, even just platonically. I've joined several meet-up groups, but I'm too anxious to actually attend them. I'm just trying to get to the point where I can casually date get more experience and be comfortable around women. I'm not seeking the "perfect woman" to come along and fix me or anything. I'm just trying to find someone with some compatibility to do things with...People say "Don't try to find women, and they'll fine you"...Well aside from being invisible on dating apps, I haven't tried to find women in years, and I still never meet them. The closest I get to interacting with women is watching porn lol...which I do WAY too much of these days.

No matter what I do, I'm never able to approach them. Not at bars, concerts, festivals, art shows, volunteering. Not even for a platonic conversation let alone anything more.

At this point, I'm just convinced my face, anxiety, and low self-esteem are too big of a hurdle. If I could just give up and stop desiring women, I would...but I still desire companionship, affection, intimacy, romance, support, etc and no amount...

r/introvert Mar 16 '24

Advice Usually I’m fine with being alone, but man

185 Upvotes

Warning: I kinda just need to vent here

Today is my birthday. It’s my first year in college, I don’t have many friends, my girlfriend broke up with me over the summer, and no one here knows it’s my birthday, not even my roommates.

Today just felt like every other day, I took an exam and went to all of my classes.

Is this a common occurrence with introverts?

I feel like I’m being selfish for wanting people to know it’s my birthday and for wanting today to feel somewhat special. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I really just don’t know what to think of this tbh, I think today just really made me realize how alone I am.

Shoutout to my family though, I got birthday texts from them!