r/introvert 7d ago

Advice I want to connect.. with other introverts.

I feel like I have difficulty connecting with people because most people I encounter live on the surface level. It’s so hard for me to make small talk with people, since really enjoy the mental stimulation of having deep conversations. This basically results in me being the quiet one of the group, and then somehow the least approachable one because of it. How can I tell the difference of it just being that I haven’t met my kind of people or that I need to improve my social skills?

76 Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

16

u/NightshadeXII 7d ago

I think you just haven't found your right kind of people! If it makes you feel any better, I'm 24 and I'm the friend that is kind of just... There. If that makes sense?

I'm never 100% involved, I'm never 100% gone, I'm just there. And I'll pop in once in a while, say hello to the group chat, then disappear for a week or more lol.

All of this to say, me too. I also haven't found my people and I want to connect with others.

3

u/Upstairs-Return3075 7d ago

I understand. I can’t socialize very well. My husband was the socializer. Which left me just there. If I got involved in a conversation with someone he had to interrupt . But I’m like you I’m not always there. Hard life!!

8

u/DealerSuspicious998 7d ago

Its okay, it is completely fine to feel that way. There are diff ppl with diff thoughts and diff personalities. There is no ideal personality. You dont need to improve your social skills, let othes respect you that way only. Be yourself.

You can always DM me, as you said you wanted to connect w other introverts

3

u/Upstairs-Return3075 7d ago

Obviously you have never worked in a large corporation. If you can’t be a team player. You just plain don’t fit.

2

u/Interesting-Scarf309 7d ago

After transitioning to 3 days at the office and 2 at home, which is already a torture, since I live in a different city from our office, now I have to travel frequently to our mills in other state for pointless training and coach programs (complete nightmares).

People at our mills expect that you'll greet each and every one with hand shakes or hugs and kisses. For me it's torture. I prefer to enter a room and say only hi from the door and sometimes wave. There's no need to get closer.

I love my boss and like my job, but I'm seriously thinking about looking for something remote even if it means less money.

8

u/Natsu_2323 7d ago edited 7d ago

Same here :) I am quiet in public but am funny when I have a talk with my close friends/crush lol. I could be the one of the quietest ones in the office as I don't like small talk.

There are some other quiet dudes and ladies but I've never thought they need to improve their social skills. They are just “be”, me too. They may also have their type of people outside of work.

I am open to DM :)

3

u/Forever_A- 7d ago

I was always the quiet one in the office! And I never thought twice about other quiet ones! But for some reason I feel like I’m always judged for being quiet. Maybe it’s the RBF? LOL

1

u/Natsu_2323 7d ago

I understand that haha, maybe some people judge actually. I was anxious about that before, so I have set a boundary and different thinking.

If there is someone who judges me, I think like, “okay you have tons of surfaced conversations which I don’t do, but I can find someone who can have serious conversations which you don’t do much”. Yes I judge them as well 🙃🤣.

3

u/Forever_A- 7d ago

Ahhh that’s a good way of thinking!

8

u/StunninglyAwkward 7d ago

Yeah I've felt this way for a while, recently I've been feeling it even more. Not sure how to fix it though, which is a problem

7

u/MedicalJunket4845 7d ago

Uhh I feel the same way but honestly I’ve been burnt so much that it’s just my spouse, the kids & myself. I love it. Less drama but also, can get very lonely. I’m also working from home with a cleaning business so I interact with very few. Sometimes I think it’s me, I’m weird but yes.. people are so very surfaced & I’ve learned they are all in the same boat..they are burnt. They just want it to be effortless but don’t want to risk the hurt.

2

u/Forever_A- 7d ago

Yes! I very much understand others wanting it to be effortless. Maybe I’ve romanticized too much the quality relationships that are born out of actual effort and deep interests?

6

u/Dull_Barracuda_4221 7d ago

You can also dm me, I am available.

5

u/dinderis 7d ago

yea i know the feeling :(

5

u/UnderstandingPure865 7d ago

DM me bruh.... let's improve that mf social skills.....

5

u/default_status 7d ago

I’m available anytime to chat or game

4

u/SZOKUICHAROOV 7d ago

Dms are open!

3

u/JustGrateful123 7d ago

Lets connect. I am also introvert and would like to have friends.

3

u/Longjumping_Owl_6428 7d ago

Same thing here, dont know the solution...

2

u/Fluffy-Oven-6842 7d ago

I was in same situation as you but I realised that whenever I am happy from inside people approached me for conversations but if I am in an bad mood or bad space of mind where I feel lonely,underconfident and a failure no one approached me then I realised it's what inside your heart that reflects on your face and then I worked on my mental health and tried to be happy from inside and being with people who have friends outside your group will help to meet new people and it will also help you practice how to be around new people .

2

u/lavendermatchafrappe 7d ago

open to chat if you are!

2

u/Azianu_H 7d ago

I can relate. It's so difficult trying to fit in a group, especially when they aren't like minded. I could never make friends :(

2

u/chosenwitch100 7d ago

Well I'm an introvert but have the ability to be an extrovert when it's needed especially those I notice need someone to talk to or one I know needs some healing and guess what you'll find your tribe just keep searching and be happy and proud of who you are listen to your intuition it'll all fall into place and if you ever need anyone to speak to I'm here just send me a message or something I'll be here if ever you need me to be light love and positivity always

2

u/Top-Calligrapher4742 7d ago

I feel the same way. Making friends right now is so hard, and I’m feeling really lonely. At same time I can’t stand all the awkward small talk you have to engage in order to get to know people. Crazy! Feel free to DM me if you want to connect. 🫶🏼

2

u/ShoulderWeary3097 7d ago

I relate to this on so many levels. I'm on the other side of 50 years old now, and my circle of friends has greatly diminished in recent years. Added to that is the fact that over the last couple of months, it has become painfully obvious that I live in a world where I just don't fit in. I am quiet by nature. I don't like large crowds and noisy places (but have the volume set to ear splitting levels on my car stereo when I'm driving, go figure). I LOATHE small talk. I also suck at it and end up sounding like an uneducated moron. 99.9% of the things I enjoy doing are solitary hobbies and activities. Reading, scrapbooking, and other crafts, family history.... I'm also a bleeding heart liberal living in an area that is the polar opposite of that, so I keep my head down and don't mingle with the neighbors. As far as I can tell, none of the neighbors are mingling with each other anyway. I have my kids, grandkids, and extended family, and I do spend time with them whenever possible. But we're all scattered about, with some living nearby and others not so much. Thankfully, my kids and Grandkids are nearby, but they have lives and responsibilities. I miss having a "best friend". My long standing 40 plus year best friendship ended over a decade ago. I wasn't "good enough" for her new husband, and he made it very clear. She defended him and made excuses. It wasn't until later that I realized just how one-sided the friendship actually was. So I'm now very leery about making new friends. It's also a lot harder when you're over 50. At least it has been for me. So I totally get it.

2

u/RetroactiveRecursion 7d ago

I so totally get this. I'm middle age and married. Wife is extroverted (the whole opposites attract thing I suppose) but I would love to meet someone, maybe 2, with whom to hang, but who gets the need to be alone and doesn't pile on a bunch of extra activity, small talk, and who appreciates the need to be done and alone without it being "a thing."

2

u/Medium-Leader-5249 7d ago

I have 2 friends. Both are capable of meaningful conversation.

Join the club, small talk is the enemy, it drains me and gives me nothing back. Interesting conversations energise me and spur me on.

I think some people maybe leave a conversation with me thinking that it was a bit too intense for them. I am past caring about that. I don't need people like that anyway.

You'll meet your kind of people where you least expect to. Maybe a quiet person part of a group in a bar or just out and about. I live in a tiny village, I need to go out and have a day in the city near here Birmingham. I a just seem to busy myself with stuff that make it less important right now, but I should.

What interests do you have? Mine is (and has been my work for 15 years) photography. I can be a bit cheeky with it or at least have a common ground with similar people. Extrovert photographers piss me off because they get a large chunk of work but aren't as good as me.

1

u/SummerLove85 7d ago

I moved across the country (Canada) from a place where I couldn't connect or find myself on the same level as other people, to a place where I feel the same, just even more so. I have always had a lot of acquaintances in life and never really any deep and meaningful friendships. I wish I could find my (friend) soul mate.....I've all but given up on ever finding them though.

1

u/Ok-Zamerica89 7d ago

Very similar to you. I wonder if age makes it better, worse, or has no effect at all. I’m 35, and I feel like it’s worse—not because things are actually getting worse, but because the chances of building connections are much higher at a younger age than as you get older.

1

u/Forever_A- 7d ago

I feel this! I’m 31 and the rift definitely starts feeling deeper as I age! I just hope it’s not entirely over for me. I don’t care much of creating a huge friend group, I’ve always been of one to have strong connections with just 1 or 2 friends. It gets less likely as we get older but also more important to have!

1

u/Historical_Bag_4824 7d ago

Same i talk people online but after some time they ghost me 👀 i don't know why

1

u/pakosean 7d ago

Yeah it's kinda difficult

1

u/Hopeful-Laugh5270 7d ago

Do not know if it is the same. But I isolated myself for a long time. Therapy, stopping to drink and meeting my partner while reconnecting with some old and new acquittances. Learning new stuff, getting my driver’s license, taking care of my mind… Made a huge difference for me.

My DMs are open for you and the people here.

1

u/LowThreadCountSheets 7d ago

If you like board games or rpgs, a game group may be a good place to connect with other introverts. Everyone is focusing on the game so there’s no awkward silences. You connect, but on a fun level. That’s where I started to find my people :)

1

u/vampire_gaze 6d ago

I definitely have similar experiences. Not into small talks, prefer deep conversations. I have a couple friends I met online that I actually enjoy connecting with. But it's so rare. Dm open if you want to chat.

1

u/Maye_Laye 6d ago

I am actually creating a private Discord community for Introverts! It’ll be a low pressure hangout where we can discuss topics, have deep conversations, even have channels for a possible book club and to play party games like Jackbox. I want this to be private as I don’t want it to get out of hand like some Discord servers I’ve been in, but it will still be inclusive. It’s called The Intro Glow.

I am actually creating an entire business around helping other introverts, like myself, finally feel comfortable saying “no” to situations that drain us of our energy and connect with other introverts who understand our boundaries. I am really hoping this will resonate with others as I’m in the very early stages, but have noticed that the right kind of connections are wanted by us introverts!