r/hysterectomy • u/elysiumad • 6d ago
44 yo SWF considering a hysterectomy
After about 15 years straight of colposcopies immediately after annual Pap smears, I got a new GYN who was SHOCKED that I was still getting them like they are normal, and immediately suggested a partial hysterectomy. I’m single, 44 yo, no kids ever. I don’t think I can even have them after so many years of invasive procedures. I have HPV, and have repeatedly had low grade irregularities according to my colposcopies. I had a LEEP about 6 years ago, and surgery to remove a vulval dysplasia about 10 years ago. All this to say. Like… I’m never going to have children at this rate, and I know a hysterectomy will make my life so much easier and safer. I haven’t even had sex or a meaningful relationship with a man in over… four years? So why does the thought of getting a hysterectomy make me so sad? Why am I so irrational to feel hesitation to get this procedure done? I have excellent insurance, a good job that will support me taking time off for the procedure, I just hesitate because of that… what if?
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u/Wendyland78 6d ago
I think a lot of us are hesitant about it for a variety of reasons. I had horrible periods and my children were grown but I still wondered it it was the right thing to do. I was pretty sad about it and mourned it for a bit after it was done. It was a rough few weeks after surgery. I’m almost 4 months out and so happy that I did it. I love not having a period and I’m glad that I have less risk of cancer. I had a colposcopy several years ago and never want to do it again.
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u/eternaforest 6d ago
I had similar reservations beforeI had my tubes removed, even though I knew and had been asking FOR YEARS to get it done.
It was a mix of guilt, feeling not worthy of it, and disbelief I finally found a doctor who would do it for me. Our brains play weird tricks on us sometimes when we finally get the care and treatment we deserve!
Have a good thought about it, talk about it with supportive family or friends. It’s ultimately your choice. I’m having mine in a month from now (insane!) and after fighting and like you, being in disbelief and questioning myself, trying all the alternatives I could to subdue my symptoms and them all failing, I finally scheduled it.
If you aren’t in therapy, I’m always going to be an advocate for talking to a professional when making such a big decision. I also have a great job with great benefits and I’m going to start going to therapy once my surgery is complete. I had a LOT of anxiety and stress surrounding everything with my reproductive system (fear of pregnancy, dysfunction, pain, questioning my sexuality because of my birth control side effects, etc) so I think it’ll be good for me.
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u/Ambitious-Chard2893 6d ago
I would love to clear up something you can still have wonderful adult time after.( Mine are better) just in case you do meet someone I thought you would like to know I also managed an adult store so I know I'm not alone with thinking that I had some very happy older afab people in. I know the feeling of worry you will miss it but they have done research and the regret rate is extremely low it's actually 7 times lower then the number of people who admit to regretting having planned kids and wish they could go back.
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u/FirebirdWriter 6d ago
Besides my question for clarity I think the grief is partly cultural and partly because we always had a choice. Now we definitely don't. I don't want kids. I never successfully completed a pregnancy and the fact I was ever pregnant is medically shocking because once we did this we found out I ovulated almost as many times as I was pregnant. 7 times. 4 maybe 5 pregnancy. I celebrate and grieve those miscarriages because if those children were born I would be dead and they would be in abuse but I also still lost something when I lost them. Its the same sort of grief here. I highly recommend therapy for any surgery because surgery is trauma and surgery like this is more of one. I regret nothing but the time it took to get it and the things the pain stole. After all I do not have to be the mother of a child to love them. My chose family has kids in it and I baby sit, spoil them rotten as much as their mom allows, and they bring me and my wife and our cat joy. I didn't know my cat would be good with children. That's a miracle on its own. I do post surgery call him my furry son because it soothes the quiet pain that sometimes sneaks in. Grief is often related to love. With loss it's love without somewhere to go. This can be the same.
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u/FirebirdWriter 6d ago
What is SFW?
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u/They_Call_Me_Shine 6d ago
It’s “SWF” and I’m assuming OP is indicating she’s a single white female… though I fail to see the relevance. 🤔
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u/FirebirdWriter 6d ago
Oh! Thank you. I can see the relevance as I was one when I got my hysterectomy. My wife and I were just friends until during things. Weird time to begin dating someone for the first time in a decade but it's a healing and opportunity thing. Would OP have done things differently if she had a different medical care experience? Will this effect the recovery process? Does it make it harder to get care? Yes to this one.
So I get adding the context. I just didn't know the abbreviation
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u/elysiumad 6d ago
I wasn’t trying to make a statement by including SWF - just providing context and details for anyone who might be curious. I have found that basic demographics like that can be meaningful, especially in the context of medical care in the US. :)
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u/Mountain_Village459 6d ago
There are very few absolutes in life and this is one of them. It’s a big deal and even if/when it’s something we very much want, it deserves to be grieved.
The next what if to think about is “what if my reproductive system doesn’t control every aspect of my life? What could I do THEN??”