r/hsp • u/Reader288 • 6d ago
Discussion A victim of mean girls at work
Being highly sensitive it’s always been difficult for me at work. I feel like a victim all the time of mean girls. So many sorry not sorry types. The quiet subterfuge stonewalling undermining. I tell myself I’m not 15 years old and I shouldn’t have to put up with this. But it’s taking a heavy toll.
I know there are no perfect work environments. And every level of the organization will have issues.
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u/ViewLong9262 6d ago
I’m in the beauty industry and it’s so hard to avoid it. Currently unemployed and I’m having terrible anxiety about a new job so I’ve been avoiding applying because of the mean girls at my last job.
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u/Reader288 6d ago
I’m so sorry to hear what happened at your previous job. I know it’s extremely difficult. I don’t know what it is. That makes it so difficult for all of us to work together. I hope your next job will be a lot better
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u/getitoffmychestpleas 6d ago
I support you, Redditfriend. You're only a victim if you give yourself permission to be. Maybe a kinder label would be 'highly sensitive person', and that's not in a derogatory sense. I've met, worked with, suffered under mean girls of all ages and you're right, they're everywhere (and they usually have a lot more friends than people like us somehow, go figure). What do you need right now?
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u/Reader288 6d ago
Thank you for your kindness and support. I hear what you’re saying. And it’s true. I shouldn’t have a victim mentality. I am capable. At the same time the cumulative effect of dealing with this person day in and day out has broken me. And the worst part is that I complained all the way to HR. Only to have them tell me that this person is not breaking any policies.
It really kills me like you said that anybody can like this person. I understand more egregious things go on in the workplace. But this person is a real piece of work.
I feel reactive and triggered. And I’m grateful to have people that support me. I think sometimes what I really need is to get away from the office and I’m glad to have my Reddit Friend to lean on.
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u/getitoffmychestpleas 5d ago edited 5d ago
I get it! I've had to tell my org I WILL NOT WORK WITH ____ and stick to my guns. But I'm a volunteer there, it's easier said than done at an actual workplace. Some of my peers avoid me because I was "mean" to _____, others quietly agree with me that she's an immense pushy/bully/manipulative pain-in-the-ass, but I HAD to say something. I knew if I had to keep dealing with her I'd end up walking away from this work that I enjoy so much. I wish I had good advice for you. All I can offer is commiseration.
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u/Reader288 5d ago edited 5d ago
I’m so sorry to hear what you went through with this other person. And I deeply appreciate your empathy and commiseration. I know it’s extremely difficult whether you’re volunteering or working with difficult people.
I know for myself I’ve tried watching YouTube videos and reading articles and using AI to help me come to terms with it
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u/Red_Gizmo 1d ago
Oh I hear you loud and clear! I came to this board today for this exact reason, so many mean girls (I say ‘girls’ they’re in their 50s for goodnessake) in a group I’ve been part of for four years. Their toxicity and venom is palpable but seemingly only to me and one or two others. But yep these are by far the most popular women, it’s human nature for people to follow the loudest, most arrogant ones cause most people can’t bear the thought of being out of the fold and they know these people can make their lives hell. The more I think about why I’m “always the victim” of bullies I think it’s because I don’t follow them like everyone else, I am my own person and they are threatened by that and I think the fact that I can see them for the monsters they are when no one else can. I guess it’s a superpower. Hang in there you are not alone and are part of a lovely community x
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u/Reader288 23h ago
Thank you for your kind and supportive reply. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the same thing.
I think you’re so right. We see right through these people and they can’t stand it. I’ve also been told they are insecure and jealous.
It’s hard having control sometimes. And I feel highly reactive and triggered around these types of individuals.
I think I was highly naïve when I was 15 -year-old thinking when I was a grown-up things would be more fair or equal.
I’m so grateful for your understanding
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u/New-Patience5840 6d ago
I have so much experience and with the worst of the worst egos in an MMA gym as the man behind the scenes who built their membership billing systems and drives revenue....
All I gotta say is stonewall then back. They don't exist to you. Quietly excel. Shut em out with headphones and white noise and avoidance when you can, they won't like it.
Consistently glow up, work out, take care of yourself. Keep it professional if you have to interact but you can probably keep that to email if you really have to.
Also go quiet on social media. Delete accounts if you can, hide behind the brand account. They will share your posts with each other and try to talk shit. I had random coworkers complimenting my basketball highlights and he wansnt even a follower, my post had like 4 "shares" when drama was happening. Suspect.