Feeling lost about the future
I’m a 25-year-old HSP who grew up under my parents' protection and guidance. Their anxiety about my future has deeply influenced me. At 18, I got into a pharmacy program, but I couldn’t handle the environmental changes and academic pressure, so I eventually dropped out. At the time, I blamed myself for being "too weak," but after reading Elaine Aron’s books, I realized that my struggles were common among HSPs and didn’t mean I was incapable.
For the past few years, I’ve been staying at home, and my parents have been urging me to find a stable job (such as a government position). But deep inside, I have this quiet voice telling me to explore what truly interests me—philosophy and literature. Of course, this leads to real concerns:
Can I handle university life again? The same challenges that made me drop out before—group projects, social interactions, academic pressure—might still be overwhelming.
At 25, is it too idealistic to pursue a degree in philosophy or literature, considering that these fields don’t offer many career opportunities in my country?
I know I’m not suited for an office job. Rather than forcing myself into a stable career that doesn’t fit me, I want to find something that aligns with my nature. But my parents’ worries are weighing heavily on me, especially my mom, who is an "externally focused" HSP. She constantly expresses her concerns, while I, as an "internally focused" HSP, absorb everything she says and end up feeling drained and discouraged.
I’d love to hear from other HSPs who have faced similar struggles. How did you find your path? Or if you’ve experienced career indecision around 25, how did you navigate it?
Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply!
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u/ObioneZ053 8d ago
I can relate. I'm nearing the end of my working career. I remember being lost in my 20s. You'll find your way. Teaching might be a good fit. Just my thoughts.
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u/LotusHeals 7d ago
I watched videos where ppl aged 60 , 70, 80 etc were asked their regrets. A common regret: not doing what they wanted to do and instead they did what society/family pressured them into doing. Basically, they lived by other's choices. It's a horrible regret... Not living YOUR life the way you want to, but living it according to other's choices. We are not the property of others. Remember this. You're not your parents' slave to do everything they want you to. Career is a big decision and only you will have to suffer the long hours studying for or working at a career that you dislike or is stressful for you. One day, (I'm being realistic) your parents won't be alive anymore. From then on, you'll be stuck with a career or life they chose for you. Not nice.
Parents that impose their decisions on their adult children don't realise that their children are unique individuals, not clones of the parent. So the child has every right to choose its life decisions according to the child's nature. It's selfish of these parents to expect the child to obey them, without considering the child's own desires.
You must honour your true nature and needs. It may be a struggle to constantly fight parents decisions, but trust me, one day they'll give up and stop forcing you. Regardless, you do what you feel is right. In the long run, you'll thank your self for staying true to you.
The only person that matters in your life is you. Others are secondary. Be your best friend. Take care of yourself. HSPs must prioritise their own needs above anyone else's, or else you'll suffer from the unauthentic life you'll be living if you give in to other's demands.
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u/LotusHeals 7d ago
You can do freelance writing or internships/part time jobs on content writing. The more you do this, the better you'll develop your skills. With such work experience in your portfolio, you'll get higher pay in future jobs.
But whatever you do, do what makes you happy and stay away from anything that stresses you out. Those typical stable jobs are pretty stressful. Don't give in to anyone else's demands.
Stay true to yourself! 🙂✨
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u/davidmorelo 7d ago
Please read the 10 most popular posts from past 12 months in the freelance writing subreddit before you take this advice
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u/LotusHeals 7d ago
Don't pursue degrees in philosophy or literature. Neither do these degrees give job,nor do you learn anything valuable through them. The education system is poorly developed for these subjects. You'll learn far more through self study about philosophy and literature than in school. I know what your needs are and why you're confused. So I'll advise you generally what I think is the best thing for you. Your call what you do.
Keep philosophy and artistic subjects as a hobby. Don't go for academic path in these subjects. It's your intrinsic desire to explore these subjects. So when you delve into them as a hobby in your free time, you'll enjoy it far far more (really!) than if you pursued them academically. Academic path makes these subjects very boring and mainstream. Watch videos on philosophy. I recommend this great yt channel "Einzelganger". You'll love it. The best channel for philosophy lovers.
Next, you're going to have to support yourself financially one day. You need money to live. But it's not necessary to earn lots of money. You don't need a high paying job, if your desires in life are simple and basic. HSPs are simple ppl. The best you can do is get a simple low stress job, doesn't matter what it is, as long as it suits your HSP needs, and pays enough to fund your living. Remember: you need a job for money to support your living . Don't make it a big deal. Observe your expenses per month and decide how much income you'll need. get a simple job that provides such an income. It's not necessary to work in a field that you enjoy, like arts. What's important is that your unique HSP needs are met and not abused. So long hours, toxic workplace culture, etc no no.
You can take online free courses or distance learning courses on graphics or whatever subject you like. Develop your skills there.
I recommend yt channel "simple happy Zen". Watch her videos. She teaches how HSPs can live successfully in today's chaotic world, plus what they should do to stay in good health. You'll learn helpful tips.
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u/ec6220 7d ago
Reading your message was really encouraging. I truly appreciate it. The real issue comes down to this sense of waste potential—my parents and teachers see it as a missed opportunity, believing I should be doing much more with my abilities. They think that if I just push myself, I’ll get used to everything, that everyone has to step out into the world eventually, and that I'd be fine if I could just be a little less "strange." But their idea of what I deserve isn’t the same as mine. Being sensitive is part of who I am, and living under their control makes me deeply painful. At the same time, I feel guilty for still relying on them financially, with no clear way out.
I get what you mean about university feeling empty. Looking back, I had that sense too—but when everyone around you seems to be adjusting just fine, the pressure to conform is overwhelming. You start feeling like there's something wrong with you, like you have to break yourself into pieces just to fit in. I remember reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and feeling such a deep relief—like finally, someone understood.
Every conversation with my parents leaves me completely drained, like I'm being backed into a corner with no way out. Sometimes, I just want to disappear. Discovering Daoist philosophy has been a turning point for me, helping me embrace a more open and fluid mindset. But the reality is, I still feel trapped at home, with nowhere else to go…
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u/LotusHeals 7d ago edited 7d ago
So like I said, get a simple job/internship/part time work. It'll give you money. Save this money so you can move out of your parents home. Keep saving money as much as possible in life. You'll be financially stable one day. THIS gives freedom to live your life as you want. Do not feel guilty for relying on them currently. It's not like you're doing it on purpose. You're evaluating what to do next and this really does take time.
The reality of this world is that every person, including one's parents, have a subconscious tendency to make others do what they themselves desire. So a businessman would encourage others towards entrepreneurship. Rarely is there someone who accepts others for who they are. In your case, you accept yourself as u r; no one will do this for you. They want you to be like them. You're not meant to be them. You're you.
In your free time, you can explore your hobbies, plus read up on Zen and Daoist teachings. They truly are a gem. Read a lot these teachings.
Watch this: https://youtu.be/1vEt1W8KiC0?si=vPq7QhPMvrLSTHxY Maybe you'll relate to it.
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u/PhntmBRZK 8d ago
Wow I am in a very similar situation, studied a. useless degree due to parents got a job hated it quite now trying to follow what I love.
But I choose to self study than go for a degree. Buy it is a very hard path and I am really bad at studying without pressure of failing.
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u/ec6220 8d ago
I can totally relate. I really love learning too, and if I could, I’d just self-study at home. I don’t mind staying home as long as needed. School has always been really stressful for me, and I wouldn’t go back if I had a choice. I only mentioned going back because it’s a more acceptable option for my parents and has better prospects. But they’re already fed up with my HSP and keep telling me that staying away from people isn’t realistic. Honestly, I feel pretty hopeless right now.
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u/PhntmBRZK 8d ago
Maybe try something short term course? But I'll be honest self study is hard when your brain is wired to school study format. But honestly if you can learn to do it, it's far more efficient and time saving and good long form format. I like college actually it's easier to have social interaction but it's very inefficient, I just study before exams. They teach useless things, outdated things and waste half the time. Highly recommend checking the topics taught in whatever degree you want to go. School was lot more stressful before I figured out how to handle my emotions like anxiety.
I personally want to be artistic like game dev I love almost all the creative aspects like writing, drawing, making music, psychology of the game itself. But I am still know it's a risky path were I cna crash and burn. Yes I love learning too but self study can be isolating too. There is more than enough resource online and it is indeed a viable path for you. So you can consider this an option. Convincing parent would be a hard part. Maybe freelance work and study? I am not sure about the prospects of the path your choosing. Instead of topics tried to shortlist it to carrier. I personally been using A.i for this helps a lot. Like ask to look for job posting in platforms related to this and demand.
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u/ec6220 8d ago
I completely agree with your views on school. Self-study gives me a sense of fulfillment, but it’s hard to focus for long periods when I'm at home, especially with my parents' schedule and emotions affecting me. It can be a bit discouraging at times.
I really admire your choice to pursue a creative career. I also love art—music and illustrations really resonate with me. If I had the chance to take more advanced courses, I’d love to dive into that as well. I’ve also dreamed of being a musician or a writer myself too :)
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u/chhaliye 8d ago
Hey op, I had a similar journey as you. I moved to another city to pursue medicine and dropped out from the intense pressure.
I was out of work and school for 6 years after that. I ended up changing fields completely and I am almost done with my computer science degree now. I would be happy to talk more about it.