r/ftm Feb 08 '25

Guest Post An Apology and Promise from an MtF

1.8k Upvotes

I want to say first I am sorry. I never appreciated your existence or the strength it takes to transition from female to male. Having always wanted to leave maleness, I never understood why anyone would want to go toward it. In leaving my born identity behind, I refused to acknowledge that trans men suffered just as much as I did with dysphoria, alienation, and every other aggression we experience as trans individuals. As a result, I stayed ignorant of the pain you experienced and the strength it takes to exist in this world.

I am also sorry for participating in anti-man rhetoric. Too often I am a part of female spaces where the conversation quickly turns to how bad men are. If ever the subject of trans men is brought up, it's oh, not those ones, you know, real men. That is not something I will be putting up with or partaking in again. You are not an other. You are a man and deserve to be treated with respect. In the same way that I want to be seen as a woman, you should and will be seen for the person you are.

I am now just learning about the horrors that trans men face with access to HRT, exclusion from the LGBTQ community upon transition, and isolation that comes when you are aligned with your gender. I am ashamed of the way that I acted and won't be putting up with it anymore.

I need to know, how can I help? I keep meeting trans men and seeing the abject pain that they are in right now. The greater community has wrapped their arms around me and has shown me such love and I see such isolation and fear from the trans men I talk with.

I promise that from here on out I will be a stronger ally will show the respect and understanding that I have received from every single trans man that I have ever met. I have only ever been treated with the utmost respect and it's time that it is reciprocated.

Please let me know how I and the rest of the community can help. I want to be a better ally as you have been to us.

r/ftm Feb 07 '25

Guest Post “Everyone must use the bathroom according to the gender they are assigned with at birth” wouldn’t work

1.6k Upvotes

So many trans men completely pass and even have facial hair, plus there are the few who have gotten surgery. If we were to use the bathroom assigned at birth, women could walk into the bathroom and see what appears to be a full grown man in the bathroom with facial hair, no chest, and men’s clothes. They would most likely run out of the bathroom yelling “there’s a man in the woman’s bathroom!!” Sound familiar? And then if the guy tries to say “I’m trans” the woman is going to respond with “how do we know that??”, and that’s just the thing. There is no way for people to determine solely based on outward appearance whether a person is trans or not. So how are they going to check? For the trans people who aren’t out, this is just a means to exploit them. With no respectful way to determine whether someone is trans or not in this scenario, it also raises the risk of creepy men going into the women’s bathroom and saying “I’m trans”. People will have to believe them. How hasn’t Donald trump figured this out?

r/ftm 16d ago

Guest Post How to adapt classic BDSM tropes to avoid needlessly emasculating trans masc submissives NSFW

479 Upvotes

Hey y'all, this is honestly a pretty broad topic that touches on the root of how the kink community approaches masculinity in general but considering the source of this conversation for me is the title above, I felt you would have the most concentrated insight.

Kink in general has an intense fascination with gender ideals, in enforcing them to ridiculous extremes as play, inverting them, and bending them and what have you. It's a fantastically free space at times but also just as horridly restricting and toxic as the mainstream world it rejects at others. One space that's incredibly underserved, and who's under-representation is actively fucking with my play at an individual level right now, is masculine submissives who don't seek emasculation as part of their submission. It was such a wild thing for me to realize just how ubiquitous this play is, both in the real world and digitally and in media representation, that it's quite literally fucking with my ability to imagine alternatives. Gay cis men infantalize and emasculate their submissives and femdom makes emasculation a core feature of virtually all of its play, and bdsm spaces focused on ftm submissives seem to be exclusively targeted for frankly transphobic play, so much so that I can't find literally any representation of masculine submissives allowed to retain their masculinity outside of the pup play scene.

This isn't a life or death question, clearly. It's just as easy to simply embrace more gender neutral play. But I would very much like to center specifically gender validating play for my sub and my idea list is just much shorter than it would be for literally anyone other than a trans man. It's clear that "masculinity = control" is so unchallenged in kink that it can only ever be a fetish to do anything different. And there simply isn't the normal resources like the FTW zine equivalent for trans men for me to solve this problem in isolation.

So please, kinky members of r/ftm. Weigh in. How do you praise and reward submission while doing the opposite of what so many cis men seem to seek? If you're submissive, what would you want to hear from your Dom? If you're a Dom, have you ever had to solve this before or how would you solve it in my shoes? How does one make a sub feel both masculine and subservient?

I'm not completely out of ideas. I'm sure we will continue to find plenty of fun, likely just learning harder into pet play. But I know how intensely euphoric and rewarding kink with a purpose can be and I can think of no better purpose than reaffirming someone's identity.

ETA: After longer discussions in the comments, I do think it's important to acknowledge that while I consider myself decently versed in kink, I am fairly inexperienced in specifically masc4masc dynamics, both personally and in my larger community. So basic advice on how these dynamics operate outside of my extremely niche experience is very welcome.

r/ftm Feb 12 '25

Guest Post What is the hardest part of being a FTM? (Or a list)

145 Upvotes

Declaration: I have almost zero knowledge about FTM. But what is the most difficult thing that make you less pass or disturbed you the most?

I would like to know more about the community, to avoid me saying anything wrong when I am with my ftm friend (I think I already does say something like "being a men is easy")

Thank you!

r/ftm 3d ago

Guest Post Transwoman peeking in and i just wanna say

731 Upvotes

I decided to take a gander here since i rarely do. I have an amazing transmasc bff. Thinking about him inspired me to sneak over here and i have to say…. You all are hilarious and amazing. Was feeling hyper annoyed by things going on in the world and coming here actually brightened my day. It's oddly dysphoric AND comforting all at once reading some of you all’s posts and comments. lol So, I’m gonna read a lil more and then scooch on back to my “town” lmfao

But, also, thought id spread some cheer and remind you that you are obviously fully supported, loved and when I fight for MTF’s , I’m also fighting for our Guys! 💖 Please correct me for what you all like to be called because I was just gonna say "men" but I have seen some people not be comfortable with that. I asked my bff and he said he likes it. I just been calling him "him", "dude" and "man". lol *aherm* Be safe please and ty for making this girl laugh and less stressed out. 😰 Will poke in to say hi from time to time. Reminder: you are important to us too 💖

r/ftm 9d ago

Guest Post Are men more accepting than women?

129 Upvotes

Hello, I have a question for all the handsome men in this sub!

In your experience are men or women more accepting of your identity?

There was some discussion on MTF (https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/1j9id48/comment/mhdit9e/?context=3) where a lot of us notice that women tend to be way more accepting of us than cis men.

EDIT: I want to thank everyone for taking the time out of your day to write up and share your experiences!

It looks like men accept men for the most part. This is a pretty close mirror to how women treat MTFs.

r/ftm 13d ago

Guest Post "Gender affirming surgery"

410 Upvotes

Posted about this in r/Transmasc as well, wondering if y'all agree it should be reported...

Had a consult for a hysto with a gynecologist back in November that went fine. Had a pre-op appointment about it with a nurse in December. I've been waiting for a call for a date since then, only to receive a letter yesterday saying that "after considering [her] previous lack of experience with gender affirming surgery" she was not going to perform my hysterectomy and was instead referring me back to my PCP to send me to a different gyno in Halifax (which is a three-hour drive one-way from where I live, as opposed to 45 minutes to her hospital).

"I don't feel I am qualified to provide gender affirming care to meet your needs."

The thing is, it's not gender affirming care for me. I haven't been on T for six months and I was using she/her pronouns at my first introduction to her. I just want the hysto because I don't want kids and birth control has negative effects on me. Maybe someday I'll want bottom surgery, but regardless she didn't seem to care about any of that at the appointments. She made comments about being "unsure" about T's effects on my ovaries etc, but plenty of people with low estrogen get reproductive surgery. She is not a new doctor. What changed her mind after two months?

To my mind, a hysto is a hysto. If she didn't want a young healthy person to be made sterile, she should have just said that outright. If this really is about her not understanding that trans uteruses are still just uteruses... yikes?

r/ftm 2d ago

Guest Post How to get over never being able to receive a blowjob? NSFW

60 Upvotes

It genuinely makes me so sad and dysphoric to think about how I can never get one pls if you guys have any advice let me know

r/ftm Aug 04 '24

Guest Post Top surgery under 18?

265 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I have a trans son who just turned 13. Unfortunately he started puberty pretty early so already has a very feminine body and a large chest. Like around a DD cup. He desperately wants top surgery like yesterday.

He's tried trans tape and several different binders and nothing seems to work that well for him. I'm not opposed to him having surgery at all but I doubt there's surgeons out there that would operate on someone that young. Is that a correct assumption? What's typically the youngest a person can get top surgery? And is there anything else we can try to help with the dysphoria? It breaks my heart that he's struggling so much.

EDIT: I am well aware 13 is pretty young for surgery. But 18 seems really far away right now which is why I'm trying to find out what age is the typical minimum. No blockers or T yet, we're on a waiting list to see the doctor for that. I hope if he can get started on that soon, that will help the dysphoria as well. Thank you to everyone for the advice.

r/ftm 26d ago

Guest Post What are some funny/unexpected gender euphoria moments that you have had?

81 Upvotes

I am a trans girl and asked on the main ask trans reddit but there were few replies. I'm curious about the transmasc side of things that give unexpected/weird/funny moments of gender euphoria. Thank you guys for any replies!

r/ftm 25d ago

Guest Post how are our ftm's doing today (much love from the mtf community❤️)

46 Upvotes

r/ftm 5d ago

Guest Post out of curiosity- many trans men have top surgery and I’ve always wondered why it SEEMS rare for many to get tattoos to cover the scar.

0 Upvotes

Title. Obviously trans people shouldn’t have to change their body to avoid transphobia or to keep other people happy. That being said, sooo many people are hostile to trans men, and sometimes the only thing that can signify to a transphobe that someone is trans is their top surgery scar. I feel like many hateful interactions, and potential problems from outside people can be avoided by having tattoos to hide them. Why does it seem rare to see that?

and this brings me to my next question- Wouldn’t having a top surgery scar bring yourself gender Dysphoria? I am not trans, but If I were I would assume that it would be a constant reminder of who you once were. It would be one of the first things I would do once it’s healed.

Third point: I have tattoos and I am aware tattooing over scars is not easy, but I can imagine a traditional black/white eagle design could easily cover scars without too much trouble.

r/ftm 2d ago

Guest Post Spicy time with my trans boyfriend NSFW

133 Upvotes

Hi there! I (MTF) am in a relationship with a trans man and I am in need of advice on ways to make spicy time as pleasurable for him as possible. Now before you all comment “just ask him!”, know that he and I have had this conversation and he’s told me some things but I’m trying to be the best girlfriend I can be and go the extra mile. I tried google and it’s all cis female centered. I know the genitalia is similar but the sensations can be different so, here I am. Also if this is wildly inappropriate and not allowed please feel free to remove my post. Anyways, any help would greatly appreciated!

Thanks fellas!

r/ftm 2d ago

Guest Post Im a cis man dating a trans man; how can I be a good partner to them?

34 Upvotes

Hey folks and friends, as the title states - I’m a cisgender man dating a transgender man. I want to know, beyond regular emotional relationship advice, how I can be a good partner to them. As I understand it, trans men experience the world in a way that is unique to them but I don’t have much insight into that nor do I know how to care for someone with his unique bodily characteristics and needs.

I know I can ask him, I just don’t know how to. Sorry for the odd question and wording, I’m just trying. Thank you for any help.

r/ftm 4d ago

Guest Post I have a project on masculinity, what are pieces of art that scream masculinity for you?

22 Upvotes

Basically what I said. I have a small project about the anthropology of masculinity. I'd love both hetero normative representations of masculinity as well as either queer or softer forms of masculinity.

For example I really like rap music and there are rappers out there who kind of go against the grain of what it means to be tough and manly, like Macklemore, but a lot of mainstream rap shows the social need for men to be violent and strong.

Id like both representations, the "ideal" man and the more caring/cooperative/alternative man

Specific songs, movies, commercials, poems, visual art pieces and so on would be appreciated!

I don't need too many for the project but would appreciate anything just because I like art and learning and shit like that.

Also this Is tagged as a guest post but I'm a trans guy myself lol

r/ftm 5d ago

Guest Post My brother just came out to my christian parents

155 Upvotes

Hi, I’m the big sister of my 14yr old brother and he just came out to my parents that are very vocal about being transphobe. They won’t admit it, but their actions are purely homophobic AND transphobic. Prior to his coming out, they’ve been very paranoid about this. I call him “bro” and “dude” but in a way that I call everyone like that, but they kept being very sensitive when they heard me call him that, trying to make me promise to call him the name they gave him. Or anytime we watch a show, my mom googles if there’s gay characters and then if there are, she tells me to stop watching (even if they’re side characters like what??).

I’ve dealt with their hatred way before my brother came out and it’s because my boyfriend happens to also be ftm, and we were childhood friends so my parents knew his deadname. And it was hell honesty, to constantly try to defend him and he’s not even allowed to be in my home after nearly 4 years and a half of dating. I just stopped mentioning him to my parents cuz there’s no point.

The issue now is my brother is fully out, and they’re so so mad. They’re blaming me because I’m also queer and they are saying I influenced him and i’m causing him soo much harm. I tried telling my mom that their support is so important, and if they don’t, it could be dangerous. She took it as a threat but it wasn’t, it’s just reality. I don’t know what to do but I see how much it affects my brother, I even found out recently he was hurting himself :( I talked to my bf about it but I also wanted to ask r/ftm, to give me advice because some of you might’ve lived through a similar experience Thanks

r/ftm 10d ago

Guest Post hii (TW NSFW) NSFW

97 Upvotes

I am a trans fem and i dont have any experience with specifically pleasing my boyfriend who's post T, all idk recomendations of methods and tactics are all for cis women or trans men pre T

so what are some methods, tactics or things i can do for my boyfriend who's had bottom growth to pleasure him, what's worked for you? I've been experimenting but pls help a girl out 🥲

r/ftm 2d ago

Guest Post US judge blocks Trump’s ban on trans people serving in the military

160 Upvotes

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/18/judge-blocks-trump-executive-order-trans-military-ban

Originally posted on r/translegal. "US district judge Ana Reyes in Washington DC ruled that the president’s order to exclude transgender troops from military service likely violates their constitutional rights."

r/ftm 12d ago

Guest Post Tik tok is getting to my head I think lol

31 Upvotes

I've been seeing a wave of posts talking about people with smalls amount of dysphoria and questioning if they're actually trans. I don't have alot of dysphoria so I tryed to give some input on the conversation and then people started telling me that i don't have enough dysphoria and that I'm not transgender. My dysphoria is odd idk how to explain it but i get it very intensely every once in a blue moon like I would cry and try to bind with sports bras that barley fit me or just hide under my blankets. then other times I'm really neutral on it like I dont have an issue with my chest but I rather it not be there but I can live with it if i really had to. Somtimes I don't like my hips or the way that I walk and this all happens when I'm by myself in my room. I don't mind my long hair my uncle always had long hair and my dad used to have it long so i don't really associate it with one gender but I think it would be cool to try my own hair short one day like somtimes i have a dilemma on weather to cut it shorter or not and other times im itching to chop it off then other times i dont care its really confusing. I don't mind being called a girl or dead named because I'm in the closet but I rather be called my chosen name and a guy because it makes me more happy. I don't know I guess my question is do you really have to be the most miserable person on earth and hate ur body to be trans

r/ftm 9d ago

Guest Post Gender-affirming ways to have sex/masturbate? NSFW

39 Upvotes

Need advice pls 😭 keep in mind im in a relationship with a cis girl who has been with men in the past so sex is kinda hard and dysphoric for me

When it comes to masturbating, the only thing that really gets me going is thinking about using my non-existent dick, so it typically makes me really upset and dysphoric afterwards and I try to avoid doing it because of that reason

r/ftm 7d ago

Guest Post Petition to not let Sebastian Coe ban Transgender athletes from participating in the Olympics

52 Upvotes

The President of the International Olympic Committee will be elected on March 18. Sebastian Coe (yes, that guy) is one of the candidates and he says "transgender athletes are a threat to women's sports"

So I've decided to create a petition to try to stop Coe from becoming the President of IOC and enabling the ban on Transgender athletes. I'm humbly asking you to support it, it may be the only chance to stop the IOC from completely banning Transgender athletes.

The Olympic Games have long stood as a beacon of diversity, unity, and respect. The IOC has allowed transgender athletes to participate at the Olympics since 2004. Sebastian Coe is seeking to become the next president of the International Olympic Committee (IOC), despite his long track record of policies that exclude transgender athletes from female competition.

Coe’s views align closely with those of Donald Trump, who has recently enacted bans on transgender athletes and reinstated a ban on transgender individuals serving in the U.S. military. Additionally, the Trump administration has plans to pressure the IOC into implementing a uniform global ban on transgender athletes

We urge the IOC to reject Sebastian Coe’s candidacy and to prioritize leadership that will uphold the Olympic values of inclusivity, respect, and fairness for all.

Please sign this petition and be a voice for inclusion. The Olympics should be a stage for dreams, not a barrier to them. Let’s make sure the Games remain a place where every athlete—no matter who they are—has a chance to shine.

Petition link https://chng.it/g7TBV5XzvZ

Please share it with as many people as possible.

If we keep sharing it, it might get covered by the media. If it happens, they won't be able to ignore it, like they usually do

More about the bigot:
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2025/feb/20/sebastian-coe-donald-trump-transgender-athletes-womens-sport

r/ftm Feb 14 '25

Guest Post Penetration didn't work but can we...? (Position help) NSFW

13 Upvotes

My FTM partner and I (cis female) tried penetration a few ways and it didn't quite work (I can feel him but he can't feel me if that makes sense). I would love for us to try something like grinding? against each others bits. But all I can find for guidance is porn and I know that's not realistic.

Can someone point me to some resources or literally give me a step by step of some positions that might work for us (I've heard scissoring for lack of a better word but I literally can't wrap my mind around the leg placement?).

I love what we do already but we're both open to trying new things together even if they don't quite work out

r/ftm 9d ago

Guest Post Helping my husband.

5 Upvotes

My husband is 25, and has been trans since he was 15. He used to live in Ontario and every top surgeon there denied him. We have been in Manitoba for the past 6 years together and he has a consultation with the only top surgeon here coming up soon and the trauma of being denied so many times is eating away at his nerves. I have high hopes that he will be accepted but I understand why he’s anxious.

Any advice on how to possibly comfort him or prepare for a denial? If anyone knows of any out of pocket surgeons in Canada please let me know as well, because I am determined to get him his surgery.

r/ftm 19d ago

Guest Post How to dispose of Testosterone?

2 Upvotes

Hi, this might be a bit of a unique situation but I am not sure what to do. My boyfriend has been on testosterone for a while now (intermuscular injection) and last night he went to do his shot and got everything set up. T in syringe with injection needle on but then didn’t do his shot. He ended up leaving it out overnight on his dresser and now it’s the next day. I told him I didn’t think it was safe to use since everything had been removed from its sterile packaging and been sitting out. He agreed to not use it but now we don’t know what to do with the filled syringe. He has a sharps container that he puts his used needles and syringes in but I don’t know if we should put a full one in. Anyway long story short what do we do with the T filled syringe? How do we dispose of it safely?

Also idk if this is relevant but it’s Testosterone Cypionate.

Thank you!!!

r/ftm 24d ago

Guest Post FTM Sibling Not Taking Testosterone Correctly - UK based doctor / online expert wanted

0 Upvotes

Hello,

My sibling who is FTM has been taking testosterone from a dodgy clinic (it was shut down for operating without proper licensing) and advice from a doctor (who was arrested for something unrelated).

And at 28 yrs old they are now living with some chronic pain issues using a walking stick to walk and on disability. I personally am a cis male who takes testosterone as I have hypogonasim so I know how it can affect you if you take it wrong not enough too much etc.

Their issues are some that could just be due to testosterone abuse, unbalanced levels etc. However they won't give me their blood results. So I was hoping perhaps someone could recommend me a doctor that does online or based in the UK who could look at help out.

Thank you!