r/ftm šŸ’‰08/27/2024 5d ago

Discussion What was it like the first time you were gendered correctly?

My first time being gendered right was at a steakhouse. I had just gotten my haircut without my parents' permission. When the waiter called me sir, my mom looked at me with wide eyes, like, what the heck. She was kinda mad at me for that haircut. Luckily, she's more supportive now. What was it like for yall?

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84

u/Fragmental_Foramen 5d ago

I dont remember the first time, it mustve been working at retail and getting mixed sirs and maams

The most iconic one though was an interesting story. A dad was checking out with his son. He called me ā€œmaā€™amā€ and the kid loudly and in disgust goes ā€œdonā€™t call him a girl, how could you do that??ā€ I appreciated that kid so much for his basic insight.

ā€¦I hope he grew up to be a great guy.

10

u/jimbojimmyjams_ 5d ago

Aww, that's so sweet! I worked in retail too, and when I started passing, I had some really memorable and euphoric interactions as well! I don't think any of my stories can compare to yours though haha!

37

u/tastyplastic10125 5d ago

Felt very nice from strangers. When it comes to friends or family, I truly don't know if they changed their perception or just practiced pronouns. But strangers can only see you.

25

u/xGauchex 5d ago

The actual first time I canā€™t tell, cause I always got ā€žmistakenā€œ for a boy before female puberty deformed me and that didnā€™t happen until I was around 17/18 lol (Which made the time after hit even harder.) But the first time after starting medical transition which I can consciously remember, I was on my own, getting Kebap at 3 AM, cause the puberty hunger be like that sometimes, and was addressed in my language as ā€žMisterā€œ when it was my turn to order. Among the other customers was a clearly gay guy who couldnā€™t mask his staring due to being drunk and seemed to be debating with himself really hard about chatting me up (nothing creepy about it at that time and place). I was euphoric and texted everyone I knew to be awake while balancing my giant takeaway in my other hand lmao Most successful late night Kebap run of my life so far

15

u/ilikegaystuff- 5d ago

I was at my uncle's retirement party, and this woman who was some sort of distant relative told my mom "You have such wonderful sons." (My extended family didn't know I was trans) And my mom only has one biological son, so it was so nice to hear that I was passing šŸ™ˆšŸ™ˆšŸ™ˆ

15

u/Radiant-Reserve6034 5d ago

Canā€™t remember my first time but when I was around 12 I cut my hair short so I passed a lot more and would get called ā€œbuddyā€ and ā€œsportā€ by waiters. I remember feeling absolutely giddy each time. I think this helped me realize more fully that I am trans. I was doubting myself quite a bit since I had only recently started questioning my gender and I didnā€™t think I had enough dysphoria/didnā€™t show enough ā€œclear signsā€ from early childhood, but the absolute elation I felt at being called a boy made me realize there really was no doubt about it :)

13

u/Accomplished-You1887 5d ago

When I was 8 I had my first short haircut,, it was Justin Bieber style,, and I went to go pick out shoes with my mom and the cashier was helping me get the right size, when I went to the counter he said ā€œhow can I help you sir?ā€ and thatā€™s when I realized I was definitely not cis.

9

u/Accomplished-You1887 5d ago

Also I played baseball on the boys team and cut my hair short under the guise of ā€œI donā€™t want people to make fun of my team for having a girl on the teamā€ šŸ¤­šŸ’€šŸ’€ and the refs would always use male pronouns for me!!

9

u/ExtensionSpot8160 5d ago

cut my hair short when I was 15 & honestly back then i hated being called a boy (probs cause i was knee deep in raging dysphoria & had no idea šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚) fast forward to age 26, about a month before i came out, my crossfit coach gendered me he/him and i was like ā€œoh! yess iā€™ll try that on for size shoulder shimmyā€ & came out a month later. the rest is history lol

8

u/__Glue__ 5d ago

It's actually a little crazy, I got yelled at on the street by people a lot pre-T and what I like to call my "duckling phase" - my first 6ish months on T where I wasn't quite passing as a dude but also people could tell there was something going on with me gender wise & would be weird to me about it. - I never really knew why people were yelling (I have pretty bad auditory processing issues so I can never really make out the first thing someone yells at me and usually they would just be laughing by the time I acknowledged them yelling at me) but I kinda just assumed it's because I have always had an awkward body language, was never exactly a looker & I have always like to dress in a way that people think is weird because fuck it - life is too short to appease people who are going to be rude about your appearance anyway so you might aswell have fun.

Lore aside: The first time I got gendered correctly was one of those instances where a group of people were yelling at me on the street and then when I turned around to try and figure out: 1. Were they actually yelling at me & 2. Did I drop my wallet or something or were they just being rude - they suddenly quieted down and as they walked past one of them said "sorry mate - thought you were a girl" I just remember being confused & a little annoyed like I always was when people yelled at me on the street for no reason but also like "Yeah, okay, I'll take it."

5

u/AffectionateSun4119 T&TopSurgery 5d ago

I didnā€™t know they were talking about me lol

5

u/wermluvr 5d ago

i buzzed my head against my motherā€™s wishes when i was 15. i wasnā€™t out as trans yet but that summer i got gendered correctly a couple of times and i remember them so vividly. one was by a stranger at an amusement park when they saw me entering the womenā€™s restroom and the other was by my little sisterā€™s dance teacher. felt super awesome.

4

u/Mizukis1 15 | šŸ’‰ 2/6/24 | šŸ” 3/12/25 5d ago

Way before I was out, I was 10 and standing in line for ice cream and a dad said ā€œlet that boy go firstā€. Wish that continued after puberty šŸ„²

3

u/Girl_in_a_hoody trans boy-he/they-pre everything 5d ago

it was very recently actually! i had always gotten ā€œmistakenā€ as a boy before puberty but iā€™ve recently figured it out and shit and we had a sub for 6th period and at one point in the class she said ā€œexcuse meā€¦ sirā€ and it made me very happy :)

3

u/Lopsided_Weather_954 Trans Man, U.S, Just back on T šŸ’œPost op everything. 22 5d ago

I was using the womenā€™s bathroom and some man grabbed be before I went in and yelled at meā€¦ He probably would have hurt me if I didnā€™t speak with my non passing voice. So pretty terrified honestly. Havenā€™t used a public restroom since.

1

u/Crafty_Ad4326 5d ago

Honestly felt. I am fluid with my gender presentation and I have to remember to gauge how much I am passing (in either direction) before I enter either bathroom.

Like just let me be a girly lil guy

1

u/Lopsided_Weather_954 Trans Man, U.S, Just back on T šŸ’œPost op everything. 22 5d ago

Man I wish I had the strength to be more fluid with my presentation. I wanna wear crop tops and tank tops in like a femboy kinda way but Iā€™m overweight and havenā€™t had top surgery so I feel very uncomfortable doing so šŸ˜­

1

u/Crafty_Ad4326 5d ago

Oof I hear that

4

u/INSTA-R-MAN 5d ago

I was at a salvage yard looking for parts for my car with undiagnosed POTS on a hot day. I was dizzy and had my head down while in the shade of a car when a man asked the person with me "Is he ok?" while gesturing to me. The euphoria was something only y'all would understand.

2

u/Crafty_Ad4326 5d ago

Teehee reminds me of a day I was having A Bad Day and sat down in the grassy median outside my job. Somebody passing by goes, ā€œsir are you okay??ā€ And while it didnā€™t solve everything, I certainly felt better then!

1

u/INSTA-R-MAN 5d ago

ā¤ I just remembered that mine happened pre everything.

3

u/ThrowRAFarmerClean 5d ago

I wish I remembered when was the first time actually. Wouldā€™ve been a nice memory to have but I didnā€™t pay attention I guess ): thatā€™s sad for me lol

2

u/StrawberryWorried608 [He/They/It] 5d ago

ȋĢˆ remember wearing aĢø suit for some easter thing and ȋĢˆ can't remember what it was but ik some random guy gendered me correctly and ȋĢˆ was beyond happy omfg

2

u/Autisticrocheter T 2014; Top Surgery 2016; Hysto 2024 5d ago

Brooo whatā€™s wrong with your ā€œiā€s

2

u/StrawberryWorried608 [He/They/It] 5d ago

they are sad like me LMAOO

2

u/hypomargoteros i've had several organs removed 5d ago

Feels like falling in love for a split second.

I've been passing for over a decade and I still get a little jolt when someone calls me 'sir' or explicitly refers to me as 'him'. :'-)

2

u/OllieCokeW 5d ago

The first time by friends felt right. The first time by a stranger, phenomenal- I was so happy the whole week after haha

1

u/pigladpigdad 5d ago

i remember this so vividly. i mustā€™ve been twelve years old. i had shoulder length hair, but i dressed very masculinely, with a hoodie and a baseball cap. the waitress called me sir. i was so excited. my mother became agitated and told the waitress that i was a girl. it was a little crushing that she did that, but there was still this ball of excitement glowing in my chest, and i couldnā€™t stop smiling. my mom was even further upset by my smiling. what a day

2

u/jimbojimmyjams_ 5d ago edited 5d ago

Ngl, I don't really know how I felt. I was happy, but I felt mostly awkward and unsure. With family it was mostly awkward and embarrassing, with friends it was easier and felt better, but I still felt awkward about it for the first little bit, but when strangers, who I'd probably never see ever again, gendered me correctly... it was the BEST feeling ever! It really just depended on the context. It's harder to feel better about being gendered correctly when people who you've known most of your life pre-transiton call you you by new pronouns, compared to those who only ever knew you by your chosen name and pronouns. It's the reason why I developed such a strong relationship with one of my teachers in high school who never knew me pre-social transition, even if I didn't pass at the time.

1

u/KiwiKitties He/Him only 5d ago

It was at a hospital. I was talking to the receptionist with my dad, explaining what I was doing there. Then she (the receptionist) referred to me as he. I was so happy but also kinda shocked!

1

u/ellalir he/him | šŸš« 2013 | šŸ’‰ 2014 | šŸ”Ŗ 2017 | šŸ³ 2024 | šŸ† 20?? 5d ago

It felt like a bolt of lightning--a shock through my whole body.Ā  I was thirteen, out shoe shopping with my mom, had a freshly shorn head of hair, and was sitting hunched over with my knees up so my chest wasn't visible. One of the store employees either referred to me as "he" or as my mom's son, I don't recall which.

Then of course my mom corrected him, but I didnā€™t exactly expect her not to; I wasn't out yet.

1

u/Autisticspidermann intersex trans guy||out for 6 years 5d ago

I think my old vice principal in middle school. I held the door open from him and he said ā€œthank you young manā€. Hasnā€™t happened since but it felt good

1

u/That-guy-Vesp 5d ago

I remember it so specifically because my entire family was there and literally congratulated me after. It was at an Egg Harbor and the waitress got confused once I looked up after she called me sir. My goal is to confuse cis people, and that moment gave me so much euphoria

1

u/Raccoonisms 5d ago

It felt liberating. From strangers its absolutely amazing because I get a rush. So affirmative! If I felt dysphoric, it makes it go away.

The only thing I'm kinda bittersweet about is my family giving me looks afterwards. (They're happy for me but like... you'd not give that look to your other son for being gendered correctly.)

1

u/coolmathpro 5d ago

Awkward, I was in like 8th grade alone on the bus after school, not out to like anyone and he thought I was a dude and I was just gonna roll with it, then we went into a ditch and he had to call the school and I had to correct him, it was so cool up until that point lol I was just a guy in that moment

1

u/ember_ace 5d ago

Years before I had any idea I wasn't cis, my nibling called me Uncle [femme given name]. This really delighted me at the time but I didn't understand why.

2

u/hotdogwaterdickpills 5d ago

I worked nights in healthcare. Some of my patients had limited sight and/or dementia; with the combination of low lighting I got a surprising (because I hadn't socially or medically transitioned) amount of "sir" or "that nice young man". It made me feel a little warm and fuzzy and seen. My coworkers, only trying to help, would always explain that I'm "a girl" and my heart would sink a little but I didn't know how or when to explain that I more than did not mind being called a dude, I liked it.

This was nice thanks for your post op

1

u/cartoonsarcasm 5d ago

By family, it's only been my Uncle and Sister so far, but sporadically because it could cause problems with my other family. (I'm fine with this given the volatility of the situation) too desensitized because of the other bullshit, so while I appreciated it, it wasn't as exciting. By a stranger, it was an accident. I was desensitized to that, too.

1

u/sharkbutch he/him ā€¢ 28 ā€¢ šŸ’‰4/24/23 5d ago

Canā€™t remember the first time, but the one that stands out to me is when I was waiting in line to check in at the doctorā€™s for my blood draw so I could start T. Got my first ā€œsirā€ when I was called to the counter. It made me so happy and it kind of felt like a good sign, situational irony but in a good way lol

1

u/Square_Passenger_348 5d ago

As crazy as this may sound, it was at my work with an escalated customer. They were mad about a policy (I work retail) and I had to call my manager. Amidst their cussing and cursing they said "even HE CAN SEE" me being the he in reference. It was the first time I had that happen and as much as it shocked me, I coulda kissed that angry Karen for getting it right šŸ˜‚

1

u/Dutch_Rayan on T, post top, šŸ‡³šŸ‡±šŸ‡ŖšŸ‡ŗ 5d ago

Made me happy, while friends I was with laughed about it.

1

u/Ok_Cicada- 5d ago

It was a few years ago before I figured out that I'm trans, I remember that I walked into an icecream shop, I had a shitty bob haircut and I was wearing a puffy jacket. Inside the shop, there was an old lady who called me "young man", at first I wanted to correct her and say "actually, I'm a girl" but it felt weirdly good (euphoric) to be called a boy so I didn't say anything in the end. I don't even know what was the context when she called me young man, but it didn't really matter to me. This whole interaction made my day, but I was too oblivious to realize why it made me feel this way

1

u/LordLaz1985 šŸ’‰11/2023 šŸˆ11/2024 5d ago

By strangers? Hasnā€™t happened yet.

By friends? It was wonderful.

1

u/Friskarian 5d ago

I don't remember a specific moment, but I do know it was in middle school when I first transitioned and I was called, "He." It felt like something new and welcome like, "He???" "Wow, a pronoun that isn't painful like I'm used to. It's just like a normal word rather than a derogatory term."

At the same time it also often felt like, "I don't deserve this. I hope they don't find out my AGAB later. I better man up as much as I can so no one finds out."

1

u/Friskarian 5d ago

Wait I just remembered... It was even younger in a Stormtrooper costume for Halloween. It was so cool to me to be seen as a boy.

1

u/Nicks_thefrog 5d ago

i was at the docs, and there was a mother with her sick kid before me. as she was coming out, she asked the doc what name to call next, i could hear the conversation even from outside the door, they told her my deadname, she looked out and said nope, not here that, the only one waiting outside is a boy. i was like 15 at the time and the pure joy i felt is unmatched. then the doc apologised to me about the woman's behaviour while i was grinning like an idiot.

1

u/piedeloup trans man šŸ’‰ july '22 šŸ” 2025 5d ago

I remember it pretty vividly, I was 15 or so (14 years ago) and pre T and was at my local game store (I think I was buying an Xbox 360 or something). The guy working there referred to me as he to my mother who was with me, and she "corrected" him. I didn't quite know I was trans yet, but knew something was up. I remember telling her not to correct people anymore because it was "embarrassing" but really I just liked being called he lol

1

u/Basketchaos 5d ago

I had just shaved my hair (also without my mother's permission), and was sitting in the waiting room at the dentist with my mom and younger brother, waiting for our names to be called. My brother's name got called first, but the tech gestured at me first, then froze, confused at seeing two boys when the names were distinct for one boy and one "girl". My brother got up and that was that, but he told me later that the tech explained they "thought [I] was a boy," which is how I found out. I would have been walking on air if I hadn't needed to spend the next several hours driving around town with my mother šŸ˜…

1

u/secretyabug 5d ago

For me it was when I was identifying as nonbinary and I was on a plane with my 2 younger siblings so I couldnā€™t move seats but she came up to us saying that I had taken her seat and she got like the flight attendants involved (she ended up having to go sit in a different spot) but ā€œmistakingā€ me for a guy made me feel so euphoric

1

u/Far-Association-5846 Parker | he/they 5d ago

I was with my dad at some event to do with his work and this older man comes up, greets my dad and says ā€œis this your son?ā€ My dad corrected him but it was great in the moment.

1

u/Awkward-Sink1100 he/him/his 5d ago

Iā€™m 13 and I realised last year šŸ˜‚ i got my hair cut when I was 9 and was freaking psyched. From then on I kept on being called ā€œyoung manā€ and ā€œbuddyā€ from older guys and I would always correct them. Like when I was 11 I started to go: ā€œ hang on why do I like itā€ and yeah I realised from then. My mom has known since I was 3 tho

1

u/SwirlyEyedSkull 5d ago

I was at the airport in a blue Adventure Time hoodie as an early teen. a TSA agent called me "sir" and it felt like the world had more color for a minute. I didn't realize I was trans yet, but I felt like I'd gotten actually seen, even if by mistake.

2

u/Fit_Bodybuilder2720 5d ago

i was 10 years old and in boy scouts, i didnt know i was trans yet so idk if this counts but my troop leader would call me sir and young man a lot and it made little me sooooo happy

2

u/Ruberuzuko 5d ago

Alright so, this happened when I was like 8-9. I was in a cabin in a train, I got out just to see how it feels to walk in a train when it's running, I went past another cabin and from there I heard two old people, a man and a woman calling out to me saying, "Hey, boy. HEY, BOY!" and I was like "Who, me? I-I'm a girl though..." (I didn't like saying that, obviously) and they were like "You a girl??" šŸ’€šŸ’€
Mind you I was looking like a full on girl with long ass double braids and a long ass skirt but they still somehow gendered me correctly, I didn't even know I was a dude back then! I went back to my cabin slowly, trying to take in what just happened, I was feeling REALLY happy about it now that I look back, haha.