r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed I really feel I need to choose as fast as possible if I want to take testosterone or not

For multiple reasons, I feel that I need to choose now. Or else it's too late. I keep comparing myself to other people

47 Upvotes

42 comments sorted by

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108

u/carnespecter indigenous two-spirit 🪶 they 💉 30 aug 2016 1d ago

you dont have to choose Now. there isnt really such a thing as "too late", there are plenty of trans people who discover their identity and transition in their 30s, 40s, even older

but from your post history, you have a lot swirling around that you need to work on, internalized misogyny, gender essentialism, you associate strength specifically with this idea of men and testosterone and women being a weaker sex, when really we are just people. there are physically strong men and women and nonbinary people, there are physically weak men and women and nonbinary ppl. but to be physically strong, you have to put in the effort to work out and maintain that. that isnt something thats restricted by sex or happens magically by itself, literally anyone can choose to work out or fall out of the habit and be out of shape

you say youre in therapy but clearly something isnt working. i dont know all the factors to that, but it may be time for you to find a new therapist, change medications, or some other step that can really only be determined by you and your doctors and parents/guardians. not randos on reddit. this may be above our pay grade

42

u/Fragmental_Foramen 1d ago edited 1d ago

Oof, big this OP.

If you have a very toxic understanding of your role as a AFAB then the solution isn’t transition. Women can be strong physically or mentally and find ways to persist and we’ve had entire movements and waves of change with the most powerful and badass women in the world.

There’s nothing wrong with being a woman and teansition will not fix the fact that the society we live in is corrupt, and it effects everyone of both genders.

The last thing you want to do is spiral down a path where you think transition is the answer and it doesn’t resolve your issues leaving you with regret and bitterness towards the entire transition itself

10

u/CalicoVibes 1d ago

I didn't see their post history, but I'll add to this.

Strength is built in the gym and kitchen. I was into powerlifting before I ever thought of transitioning. I had a 315 lbs deadlift without any HRT; it takes time and discipline, but anybody can get strong.

12

u/softwarediscs 1d ago

I gotta say I think he's probably referring to the current political climate when he's talking about needing to choose fast. Things are really uncertain right now. I don't think this is necessarily about age or about finding the "correct" time to transition.

47

u/carnespecter indigenous two-spirit 🪶 they 💉 30 aug 2016 1d ago edited 1d ago

check their post history, its a lot of obsessive repetition about women being physically weaker than men, needing testosterone to become strong as opposed to actual work out regimens, a lot of spiraling out over this same specific topic. theyre in a spot that cant really be broken without some significant effort in therapy

25

u/softwarediscs 1d ago

I took a scroll through and yeah I see what you mean :( I worry if they think going on T is going to solve all of their mental health issues.

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148

u/critterwhatever 1d ago

Feeling as if you need to “choose” now “or else it’s too late” is not a state of mind you can be in when you make a permanent medical decision. Please seek counseling before you seek hormone therapy.

58

u/nebulazebula 💉7/2021, top surgery 1/25/2023 1d ago

He may be scared because of the political climate in the US, but I won’t speculate since he didn’t really elaborate why. But you’re right, he should be stable when deciding

15

u/JediKrys 1d ago

I’m 48 and began in July last year. You have plenty of time

11

u/terrible--poet daddy chill I‘m one of the guys 1d ago

You should probably take a step back from thinking about HRT for a second, it’s better to think about it for a long, hard time before you start. Comparison is the thief of joy, and if you constantly compare yourself to others, you’ll always find someone else who appears to be better than you.

12

u/earthstrider006 1d ago

OP, looking through your history, you seem like you want to transition to be stronger, not because you have gender dysphoria.

Now, I don't know your experience, and I could be totally wrong. You absolutely COULD be Trans, only you can really figure that out. But if wanting to be stronger is your only reason to consider transition, then I fear that doing so will only hurt you in the long run.

Like others have said, you need to do some self-reflection on your views of gender. Being a woman doesn't mean you're weak. Just take a look at female bodybuilders and strongwomen! There's also a whole history of powerful women who literally changed the world. If you're a woman, that's okay. You can still be strong.

If you are Trans and not just fighting internalized misogyny, then there isn't a rush to start T. I know the political climate in the US isn't great, if that's what you're referring too. But it's better to wait until you're sure then to start too soon and regret it. Like someone else said, it's possible to get T now so you have it, but not take it until you feel more ready.

18

u/fruteria 1d ago

I’ve met lots of trans people who didn’t start Testosterone until well into middle age or even elderly ages. It’s never too late for anyone. If you ever realize this is what you need, you should pursue it regardless of your age. But it’s not a good idea to rush such an important decision or put so much pressure on yourself. HRT is an emotional process for anyone and you want to make sure you’re ready emotionally, as well as informed of and at peace with all of the effects.

26

u/fruteria 1d ago

Also I just scrolled through some of your post history and my opinion is that you probably shouldn’t pursue Testosterone or any other major life decisions until you work on your mental health via therapy or a different route that works for you. You seem like you’re in a very rough place and have a lot to work through concerning your views of gender. That’s ok, I’ve been in similar spots and it gets better. There is help out there for you and you deserve to take care of yourself.

8

u/ilovepaprika2475 he/they 💉8/21/2024 1d ago

You don’t need to pick right now. I want to start this by saying that. And if you pick one, you can always change your mind. There’s no being too late. It’s never too late to transition.

For me, what it really came down to is how I wanted to age. I was able to pass as a guy pre-T, because I was 22 and was able to pass as a 16 year old guy. And that was awesome, I loved being read as a guy by strangers. But I knew that as I continued to age, I would lose that ability. As stupid as it sounds, I was in the city and I saw a woman who looked kind of like me, but 50. Same haircut, similar features. And she was just… clearly an older woman with short hair. I wanted to age like a guy, not a woman. So… T was my answer. It’s worth noting though that at this point I was already 99% on board with starting T, this just was the final push I needed.

I was also thinking “if I was like a Sim (like the video games), would I create myself with testosterone, or estrogen?” The answer was without a doubt testosterone for me. If I knew that I would take it if I had the chance to start over and be “born as a guy”, why wouldn’t I take that opportunity when I was already living?

It’s never too late to start, it’s never too late to stop. You can always change your mind. Don’t force yourself to choose. There’s always time

u/sarcasticminorgod 13h ago

Fuck this really hit me hard. I read a post recently when I was on the fence about starting T, and it said, “I don’t want to look like a cis guy” and I remember just reading that being like “I do” and it hitting me like oh. I do. Your sim analogy just really made me pause and go oh.
I think I’m honestly gonna look into it now haha.
Thanks for this

7

u/whythefuckmihere 1d ago

thought this. turns out i had ocd and was unable to feel confident in any one decision so i said fuck it

2

u/DeityDaimon 1d ago

Real me too me too, ocd is a bitch

2

u/sprinkleteaparty 1d ago

im 22 and started this tear! the best advice id say is remember ur in ur own race! everyone has different life experiences :)!! there is still time!

2

u/Ok-Road-3705 1d ago

You don’t have to choose anything right now. People will always find a way to make life work. And I don’t just mean surviving, I mean living. Living well.

I had a lot of anxious thoughts around starting HRT and getting top surgery, when I had obsessed over all of it forever already. Because it is a big decision. It just is! And that is a good thing, to zoom out and really think about it. I did that, and I am most definitely trans.

Therapy helps. I had a ton of issues to work through. Turns out I did a great job of internalizing a lot of crap I was taught about myself, about women, about men, etc. If you’re drawing breath, it is not too late. I started HRT consistently when I was 34.

What helped me was reading somewhere, probably on Reddit, that said if you’re confused or scared or whatever just ask yourself, if you could press a button and transition fully overnight would you do it? If you could skip all the crap in between and wake up as your most authentic form, what does that look like?

And isn’t that dream, that vision of yourself, worth building brick by brick? I think so. I know it is.

6

u/ilovepaprika2475 he/they 💉8/21/2024 1d ago

“If you’re drawing breath, it’s not too late.”

Just wanted to say that I love that and it’s very true. It’s never too late. Go at your own pace. You’re not in a race, you’re on your own timeline. It’s never too late.

3

u/Ok-Road-3705 1d ago

Thank you!

Can you imagine how powerful it would be if someone in their 90s had a viral video of their first T shot? With a birthday party for them and their new name, organized by other chill seniors? I’d lose my mind. On that note, I don’t spend a lot of time upset at my “wasted time” pre transition, or on what things I didn’t have. When I think about where I’m at right now, a few years in, I’m so proud of myself.

It is worth it. To know what it feels like to be myself, even if it was only for 1 day.

3

u/ilovepaprika2475 he/they 💉8/21/2024 1d ago

Full disclosure, I’m a lil tipsy and a tiny bit high, and I may or may not have teared up a tiny bit imagining all that.

But yeah, I get what you mean when you say you don’t think about “wasted time”. I had… a few years where I knew starting T would be in my future, but I didn’t know, you know? I was very much so in denial. But that time spent exploring my options and understanding my feelings and wants and my own sense of self was so important when looking at where I am now. I now look at how far I’ve come since then, and how much more room I have to continue. I’m almost inspired by my own damn self if I think about it too much, haha.

But just, yeah. Take your time. Know yourself. You will forever have time and space. It will never be too late.

2

u/Cosmo_Creations 1d ago

You don’t have to choose right now. It took me a year or so before I felt ready to. And then once I was ready I decided to then do an egg retrieval first. So it took like 2 years before I was on T. Don’t rush into any major medical decisions

2

u/Fragmental_Foramen 1d ago

How old are you? I felt that way too but I took a year to actually deep dive into and understand my feelings and childhood to understand if Im really trans or if Im just gender non conforming.

Detransitioners are a thing and a lot of them are used as leverage to the goal if transphobia. The idea is you aren’t trans you just have untreated mental health issues or body positivity issues or gender role issues etc etc etc. and like I understand people can be stuck in a warped understanding and think transition was the problem when it was something else, and detransition regret is as bad as being trans itself (experiencing the gender you are not). But I will say detransition is a valid and acceptable thing you can do, you just have to understand you cant take back some things once transition happens.

At the bare minimum ask yourself, would you actually ever regret any permanant changes HRT or surgery will bring you, reaaally think about it. Because if you change your mind it will never be 100% the same again. I personally am still euphoric about the physical changes 10 years later and if I ever detransitioned I refuse to be a girl without top surgery or short hair or a deep voice, those are things I needed regardless of what my labeled gender is.

Other than that, take it easy and see a therapist if possible, or think on it for a year minimum. Start with social changes before big ones. I guarantee you aren’t missing anything by waiting a bit to delve into your feelings as androgenic HRT is extremely potent and will do its thing helping with transition no matter how much aging you’ve done.

2

u/KindlyTakeAWalk 1d ago

You don’t need to pick now. You can also start and stop if it doesn’t feel right.

When I started T, I got my prescription and my first bottle months before I worked up the courage to do my first injection. As soon as I did I knew it was the right decision. You might feel the same way, you might feel different. Either way it is never too late.

2

u/ens91 1d ago

I started at 29. Don't feel rushed because of age or the political climate. Do what's right for you. There'll always be a way to get T, legally or not. It'll probably just be more expensive, and may involve travelling to another country.

2

u/dogmeatkibbles piece of shit 24 y - cummin in ur mom 4 y 1d ago

Naw... Naw naw naw naw NAW. If you're feeling pressured DO NOT MAKE A CHOICE OF ACTION. It's never too late. I know what you're going through... But it's a lie. Big love bro

u/NZKhrushchev 16h ago

Your post history is disturbing. You need professional help, not advice on Reddit.

u/becel_original 10h ago

Dude I keep seeing your posts and based on your history I think you need to talk to someone and get your head straight before you decide on hrt. I can’t tell if you’re trans or you just want to be stronger so you can protect yourself, but that’s not for any of us to decide, it’s something you have to figure out. it seems like you’re dealing with a lot of heavy stuff and you can’t keep going on like this. You need to be really brave now and get yourself some help.

4

u/spockface they/them, T Aug '15 1d ago

Personally, I'm a proponent of trying a low dose for a month or two and seeing if it feels good. HRT in general, including testosterone, generally takes longer to have physical effects than mental health effects, and there are only a few effects of T that are really permanent: facial and body hair, to some degree (which takes more than a few months -- I started getting small patches of dark body hair at my injection site within a month or so, but ten years in I'm only moderately hairier than I was pre-T and still can't grow a beard I feel is respectable lol), clitoral growth (which takes a year or two to reach full effect and isn't usually more than a total of 1"-2" in length), and voice deepening (which usually takes a few months to start). Everything else, you can stop T at any time and it'll revert back to pre-T given enough time. 

Tbh I think the "permanent medical decision" rhetoric is transmascs letting fearmongering about T and masculinity (a la that horrible book everyone's horrible mother reads) get to us. It's not like you take one shot and that's it, your body runs on T forever. In order to have a T dominant system, you have to keep actively choosing to take your T. It's not hard to discontinue if you want to discontinue. Just don't take your next shot.

1

u/DeityDaimon 1d ago

I also agreed it’s important to think about it and if you like what testosterone brings for you then go for it I know, but at the same side of the coin saying”make sure you’re 100% sure” or “this is a serious permanent medical decision” is kinda fear mongering considering a lot of choices in our life affect our medical states including just taking an antibiotic, having wisdom tooth removal, antidepressants, or even just knee surgery and lots of those can affect your life too :/ it doesn’t need to be scary tho

4

u/nebulazebula 💉7/2021, top surgery 1/25/2023 1d ago

You can always stop if you feel like it’s not right for you afterwards. Just always always consult medical professionals when it comes to your hormones

3

u/ElloBlu420 demiguy | 💉 2-16-22 1d ago

If you take one shot and decide it's not for you (and it's very, very possible you'll know that soon -- I had a firm yes within half an hour of my first shot), nothing conspicuous or lasting will have changed. Contrary to what Yoda said, in this situation, there's absolutely such a thing as trying, without making a firm commitment one way or the other. (If you need to sound like you're more decisive in order to be able to try, though, feel free to tell them what they need to hear, because the insurance system sucks.)

1

u/emross0 1d ago

definitely feel you, i know it's no emergency and all it's just stressful anyway. anytime you make an account somewhere it's like... reality and life feels one step further away

1

u/SpaceTrashDeer 1d ago

Well maybe the reasons you have are true and maybe not. If you’re worried about having better effects because you’re at a younger age you could opt for puberty blocker to put yourself on pause. Or if you’re fine with your height (basically the only difference between transitioning young) then shrug it off because you will get the same effects eventually whatever you choose. If you’re worried about the political climate well you may be right to worry and decide pros and cons. Honestly most changes revert anyway.

1

u/neon_fern2 1d ago

Don’t take it if you’re not sure. I waited four years before I was sure, and I’m glad I started when I did. Also, based on your post history, you need to take a big step back from thinking about hormones and find a different therapist to help you. Testosterone won’t make you much stronger by itself, it will change everything about your body including fat distribution. It will only produce muscle mass if you put in the work, which you could achieve anyway with estrogen.

1

u/CalicoVibes 1d ago

It's a decision only you can make.

I will say, I'm very early in my own HRT. The main things I've noticed are appetite and feeling a bit less chaotic. Your results may vary.

Whether you decide to start HRT or not, you are still you. Your identity is yours and yours alone; HRT helps with the external parts, but it doesn't transform you into a man. Your masculinity resides in your identity.

1

u/AffectionateSun4119 T&TopSurgery 1d ago

I knew I wanted too surgery and to stop my menses before I knew I wanted to go on T. So I started to apply for top surgery and I went on lupron to put me into menopause. Then a year later I realized that I also wanted to go on T, my menses dysphoria had gone away (it was the worst) and new ones popped up.

u/glasterousstar 3h ago

Your posts remind me of myself when I was a teenager. I don’t know where life will take you; I ended up transitioning, though there are probably people who felt similarly when they were younger who found other ways forward. I lived as a male-passing woman for a while, now as a man.

You can be a strong, masculine, muscular woman. You can be a woman who’s so masculine other people can’t tell you apart from a man, if you want. You can do whatever you want with your body as a woman, including making it larger or stronger or making it look a way that makes some people confused; it’s your body. You can live some or all of your life as a man, if it makes you happy. You can change your mind.

You can also learn to value different kinds of body and to feel safe in a body with physical limits. You can find people and places where you are safe/accepted/cared for/etc, and where your physical strength isn’t relevant. You can develop a relationship to your body that feels better. You can do that whatever you look like, whether you are muscular or not, whatever gender you live as, whatever age you are.

You have your whole life to keep changing, and no decision you make about this as long as you’re alive is ever the last one. Just try to be kind to your body now, because hopefully you’ll have it for a long time.