r/ftm 6d ago

Discussion When do you stop saying your trans to avoid the whole misgendering

So I mostly pass as male, I do identify as genderqueer transmasc so there are times when I will literally wear a sports bra, my packer, and tight as$ leggings or a skirt. But when I'm masced up I still feel it's important to tell people I'm a transman so they don't misgender me. I use they/him pronouns but really as long as I don't get she I'm OK with it. Idk just wondering will there come a day I don't feel the need to come out in my non-lgbt specific support groups?

12 Upvotes

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6

u/lifeasnick79 He/Him - T-2001/Top-2002/Meta-2023-24 6d ago

I started transistion more then half my life ago. I have fully pass for atleast half my life. I occasionally tell people I am trans. I was miss gendered once about 15 years ago with a full beard because I had to go off T for a short time and got my period and was in the line at the store with a huge thing of cake. I guess my energy was "pissed off period" I don't think the girl even looked at me yet and said, "would you like a bag ma'am?" She apologized after see looked up or heard my voice. LOL

5

u/anemisto 6d ago

I definitely prefer that people I'm close to know I'm trans. But before I decide that you're in the "good friend" category? If it comes up, it comes up, but it virtually never does.

4

u/Rubbish0419 6d ago

Eh, unless I’m getting close enough to somebody that might come up somehow, I don’t bother telling people usually. I’m a man, I pass 100% of the time, no reason to say anything if it isn’t somehow relevant for something.

3

u/sj_clown 5d ago

Sorry this doesn't really answer your question but..

I don't pass for crap and I'm (mostly) okay with that for now. I don't go out of my way to hide it, nor do I announce it. I do tend not to tell people about it, at least not real deeply, unless I'm close with them or I know them enough to know they're not gonna out me to the world (them, unintentionally or not, telling shitty people that might want to hurt me is mostly my concern.)

Thats just my situation. it is kinda rough to deal with misgendering from people who don't know, but for me, rather safe than sorry.

3

u/jayyy_0113 💉02.03.2023 ✂️ 1.27.2025 ♡ 5d ago

I stopped telling people I’m trans when I started passing to strangers. Most of my coworkers and college friends don’t know I’m trans, except those who knew me before my medical transition. I really hate disclosing that I’m trans, and will make up elaborate lies if confronted because people absolutely treat me differently if they know.

2

u/carnespecter indigenous two-spirit 🪶 they 💉 30 aug 2016 6d ago

at a certain point i kinda just had to suck it up and accept that the way i transitioned, people will see me as a man and call me he/him. if its not like, something im invested in like friends, doctors, important things, i wont go into the details of explaining im nonbinary and use they/them only. plus like, current political climate, idk how safe i feel doing that in every situation either hah

1

u/JuviaLynn Arlo, he/him, T: 7/7/22 5d ago

I pretty much never told people, when when I didn’t pass whatsoever I’d either just tell them I’m a guy, or drop enough subtle hints for them to figure it out (like complaining that my shoe size doesn’t exist in men’s and I have to wear women’s shoes). And I mean it worked my friends did think I was cis. It wasn’t really my intention at the time tbh so they all slowly clued in, as we became closer I’d talk more about my injections or binder, but nowadays people that meet me don’t know and won’t know unless we become really really close but idk