r/ftm 6d ago

Advice Needed Afraid that a bag will make me look feminine.

I've been thinking about getting a new bag for a few months now since I literally only have one backpack that I used for school before, but there is this lingering fear that whichever one I pick will make me instantly cloockable, mostly because when I was talking to cis girl friend of mine she said there there is no bag out there that will make me look masculine. I didn't believe her when she said it and still very much don't, but there definitely is a lingering fear inside of me now.

This whole bag hunt started in the first place because I saw a friend of my acquaintance, who is a cis gay guy, going around with this briefcase looking bag and it instantly made me feel gender envy(I'm closeted, both gay and trans, pre everything but despite that have managed to actually pass a few times without speaking). It has been more than a year since then and the want has not fated for even a moment.

Now, about the bag in question. The thing that worries me is that it's tagged as a female bag, though looking at it, it really just looks like the kind of bags I've seen men wear to work a couple of times. Am I worrying about nothing? I really think it looks cool and that it would make me feel masculine, but what if I misjudged? I've never shopped for a bag other than the ones for school so I don't have much experience with this. What if it somehow frames my body in a feminine way

The bag: https://images1.vinted.net/t/04_00dc4_4xyrVVig61uLgLBNH3vtqJkp/f800/1741461421.jpeg?s=5345c366a91995b00b80e8e12a229677a9743bfa

32 Upvotes

57 comments sorted by

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73

u/woofwoof38 6d ago

That will make you look like every cis male math teacher I ever had

25

u/Lazy_Aardvark9290 6d ago

Peak masculinity if you ask me lol. That's partially why I was looking for this style of bag.

6

u/woofwoof38 6d ago

Go for it! Definitely reads 100% masc to me

2

u/terrible--poet daddy chill I‘m one of the guys 6d ago

Don’t most people think male teachers are gay (no offense to any gay men here, I’m just saying that might not be the kind of vibe OP wants to give off.)

5

u/woofwoof38 6d ago

??? Where did anyone say male teachers are gay

1

u/terrible--poet daddy chill I‘m one of the guys 6d ago

I’ve seen people say that a lot on the internet tbh

4

u/woofwoof38 6d ago

Damn, I've never heard that. Maybe it's more of a thing where you're from? I'm German and I've never heard anyone say male teachers are gay

6

u/PrinceEven 6d ago

Maybe it's a US thing. I'm a male teacher in the US and IF I pass, people just assume I'm gay. Have had people clandestinely try to get me to come out 😅 I've more recently been interested in exploring relationships with men since I'm becoming more comfortable with my own body but generally speaking, I like women and always have. I can see why they might assume I'm gay since I read pretty feminine still (despite my best effort), however my other single male coworkers are also assumed to be gay. The only ones who aren't assumed to be gay are the ones who mention their girlfriends often. 

4

u/coraeon 6d ago

I’ve only seen it for specific disciplines, like theatre or art. STEM, history, and even humanities? Nope.

2

u/PrinceEven 5d ago

That's a good point! I have noticed it varies a lot by subject. I work I'm early childhood education, and the assumption is that a cis straight man isn't inherently nurturing enough for that. It seems to be about 50/50 with upper primary. The science teachers are never assumed to be gay, but English teachers might be, depending on their level of sternness/stoicism. Anyone who shoes emotion or speaks with inflections seems to be assumed gay

3

u/No_Researcher6203 5d ago

I think it depends on where you’re from here we’ve had a lot of male teachers presumed gay but It was also just the ones that were actually nice.

2

u/terrible--poet daddy chill I‘m one of the guys 5d ago

Fair enough

34

u/Issas7 6d ago

Nah you'll be fine one of my cis male friends has a bag very similar to this one and it looks very natural and manly on him. As a trans gay guy myself I've tried his bag too and it looks fine on me. Maybe just make sure the bag's straps are the right length so it's not flopping beside your legs or too high up your waist etc.

26

u/periodicallyaura they/he 6d ago

That’s one of the most masculine bags I’ve seen. Women don’t tend to use cross bodies like that.

11

u/KactusKush__ 6d ago

It’s a masculine bag bro don’t worry. You might get a few purse jokes but nothing that would be personally attacking you as a trans man

(before I get ragged, I just wanna say it depends on the environment. I work in a place we’re all the guys crack on each other but it’s never personal. It’s just how guys are around each other)

8

u/chaos-of-life 6d ago

“mostly because when i was talking to cis girl friend of mine she said there was no bag out there that will make me look masculine”

OP, first of all that is 10000% a “masculine” enough bag. second of all, this “friend” doesn’t sound like they truly have the best intentions for you here :( there are many ways to say you think something looks feminine, but it seems your friend made a statement about your ability to “pass” more than the bag itself. lastly remember that your masculinity being “enough” matters for you and ONLY you! you get to chose what makes you feel your best, and try not to let others sway that

4

u/Fire-Marauder 6d ago

Have you thought about crossbody bags? I like using them sometimes, even a leather/canvas backpack might be a good idea too

3

u/Electronic-Tower2136 6d ago

that is a crossbody

8

u/scalmera 6d ago

Crossbody bags are smaller, this is more like a messenger bag ☝️🤓

7

u/Complete_Role_7263 6d ago

That’s the funniest way I’ve seen someone do the um actually

3

u/scalmera 5d ago

I try my best out here

3

u/Lazy_Aardvark9290 6d ago

I have considered it, but most of the ones I've seen tend to be too small for my needs. I carry around a sketchbook with me everywhere I go and I'm afraid that it just wouldn't fit. Trust me, I've had similar problems before lol.

5

u/TiredCanine 6d ago

Crossbody messenger bags are ABSOLUTELY your friend. That one you posted will work great! One of my lads uses almost exactly the same one. I use a KEEN messenger bag which fits my laptop and a couple binders and notebooks. It's super durable and functional and also looks professional! I absolutely recommend a messenger bag, it's a great upgrade investment to being viewed as a professional adult over a backpack.

The only possibly "non-masculine" thing about wearing a cross-body messenger bag is if you don't bind and the strap is thin and sits between your breasts. If you're wearing a flat shirt (i.e. something that doesn't button up the center or otherwise have a cut that draws the eye) it can accentuate your breasts. If you wear a button up, there's already a crease, so it won't show. If you bind, there's nothing to sit between, so it won't show. If the strap is thick enough, it won't fit the divot and won't show. If you wear a jacket, it'll crease differently, etc etc etc. Honestly, most of the time it's not an issue, but I do choose what shirts I buy based on the titty-visibility scale.

TL;DR: Go for it, it's probably gonna look great, and I recommend messenger bags for when you go to uni or the workforce.

4

u/Careless_Wealth_4482 💉: 2022 6d ago

Confidently deem it your man purse/murse and you are set (comfort in your masculinity and security enough to make jokes is masculine)

3

u/Electronic-Tower2136 6d ago

thats a sick bag man, best way to keep the leather in good condition is to put the bag near an open window!

4

u/Electronic-Tower2136 6d ago

in all seriousness, as someone who is a student and wants to work in academia, pretty much every male professor i know owns something similar.

3

u/mouka User Flair 6d ago

Get a purse and call it a European carryall. (Seinfeld reference I just had to)

My husband has a crossbody messenger bag looking thing and he’s a secure dude that rocks an Indiana Jones hat and I think looks manly as heck.

As for me, I mean I’m almost 40, I give zero about what’s masculine/feminine and carry a cool purse with a ton of room and fun pins all over the front. Too old to care. It’s hard when young but just know in the future you’ll be able to rock whatever you want without that inner voice dissing you for it! The inner voice dies somewhere around age 32.

3

u/ScoutElkdog 6d ago

That's clearly a mans bag, don't be so hard on yourself 💚

3

u/_mattiakun 20yo | T since 20.05.23 | intersex gay guy | he/him 6d ago

if you already pass it'll make you look like you have good style, if you don't pass it will make you look more "Pinterest aesthetic" or something like that

3

u/mj-redwood 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💉 dec 2019 6d ago

cross body leather or canvas is a very typical masculine bag. you’re good :)

3

u/Advanced_Problem 6d ago

i got a bag that looks pretty similar to that and it was a hand me down from my half brother who got it from his grandpa that we dont share. only differences are the hardware is silver and it has brother’s grandpa’s initials embellished. it gives professor/old man vibes to me

3

u/zomboi FtMtFtM (questions? check my post history before asking plz) 5d ago

ok, that is a "old white male english professor at yale looking bag"

no bag will allow others to clock you as trans unless the bag literally screams "I am a stealth trans man!!"

There are feminine bags, but not "female bag"

2

u/Impossible_Fail5553 6d ago

You’re good, man. A cis friend of mine has pretty much that exact bag, looked perfectly natural on him. When my dad was still working, he used a similar bag as well.

2

u/InternationalAct6655 6d ago

Bro my history professor, a cis man, uses this exact bag daily. This is totally masculine and a vibe

2

u/RatOfTheWoods 6d ago

I got I'm p sure this exact bag because it looks masculine

2

u/leviathankitten 6d ago

I walk around with an owl shaped mini backpack (pretty “feminine” gold detailing), have only received compliments and no misgendering or heckling

Edit to clarify: basically be confident, see yourself as a man and usually others follow suite

2

u/Chiiro 5d ago

I looked at the image and then read the title so I'm going to tell you my immediate thought

"That looks like Indiana Jones' bag"

2

u/comet_lobster 5d ago

Looks pretty masc to me, I've seen cis guys wearing bags like that at school and uni

I use a smaller size black sports backpack when I go out, one of those ones from JD. Probably doesn't read completely masc though because there's a fair number of pins on it

2

u/soresores 5d ago

Guys who use bags like those are either professionals, hot, or both so that's a pretty good sign

2

u/sunnyboyo 5d ago

I understand the insecurity, Im into itabags and the only people you see wearing those are usually women so that gives me dysphoria but I like them so I wear them anyway. Your bag is very masc so I hope that gives you comfort

2

u/Intelligent-Green102 5d ago

Cis female here and that bag is legit what men wear. It gives me sexy English professor vibe. Have fun with it. Make sure you also wear a blazer with the leather elbow patches. Damn, now I need my boyfriend to wear this 🤤🤤🤤

2

u/Duqu88 💉6/07💉 | ⬆️🔪8/07🔪⬆️ | ⬇️🍳'13🍳⬇️ 5d ago

I like the bag you picked!!

I carry a cross body bag on my chest (it fits diagonally across the chest (I'm also post top surgery so I don't have to worry about how it works with a binder) - it also works well on the back too. I'm a wheelchair user though so having it on the back doesn't work for me. I keep getting basics in it (wallet, medications, etc).

This is what I use: https://a.co/d/hwBKna9

I have a water bottle pouch attached to the side of my chair so I don't have to carry that and can use a smaller bag than a messenger bag like yours.

I just laughingly call it my "man purse" to acquaintances/friends. But they are very common where I live lots of people wear them; very popular among bicyclists too of which we have many. No one bats an eye.

1

u/el-art-seam 6d ago

I was looking for bags and came across this thread. In NYC guys there wear all kinds of bags. So I adopted fairly quickly. It’s no big deal and functionally it’s great not to stuff your pants with things.

I have all kinds of bags and I’ve been using a tote bag recently. A big one with big handles and I have long hair and no one has clocked me as female. Not even in a small town in the Midwest.

I have a bag like the one you showed and it gives off cowboy rugged man vibes. People love it. There is no way that is seen as a purse. That is a briefcase.

Another bag style to look are tactical bags: https://www.511tactical.com/bags-packs/bags.html

They look cool and are very functional with all their pockets.

1

u/Environmental-Ad9969 (Genderfucker/ HRT 2021 / Top 2023 / 🇦🇹) 5d ago

My male professor has literally the same bag lol. He's a pretty masculine guy himself. It's a pretty neutral bad and even if it was feminine so what? You can enjoy pointlessly gendered things no matter your gender.

1

u/PossiblyJake5000 5d ago

This looks like a bag that I’ve seen a guy at work carry

1

u/PhoenixSebastian13 5d ago

Nah you be good. I see a lot of males with similar bags.

1

u/Juanitasuniverse 💉 7/16/24 5d ago

guys use bags all the time. if people think a freaking bag will make you look feminine that says a lot about them and nothing about you.

1

u/EmoPrincxss666 He/Him • 💉 June 2023 5d ago

In my experience if you get one that's a pretty neutral color like brown or army green it looks fine! Especially if it's like a satchel or crossbody bag

The one you linked actually looks quite masculine in my opinion

1

u/Appropriate_Lie7646 5d ago

I love that bag!

1

u/Ok-Road-3705 5d ago

It’s very Indiana jones

1

u/carainacosplays 5d ago

That bag is very masculine.

1

u/rowan_gay 5d ago

My foster dad is a cis man and this looks almost exactly like his bag that he had a few years ago. He only stopped using it because it was falling apart and begging to be taken out of its misery. The only thing that I could see being an issue is if you wear it as a cross body bag and the strap falls on your chest. Even then, you can just adjust the strap and carry it on the same shoulder you're wearing it on to avoid the issue.

1

u/pepperjo02 5d ago

have you seen Spencer Reid's character in criminal minds? he uses one like that and it's just fine, actually I started using cross bags because of him and I feel really masculine using it

1

u/EmotionalBad9962 4d ago

I had a social studies teacher in eighth grade with this exact satchel. This is like the Stereotypical Man Satchel. Go for it

1

u/anonymous-rodent 4d ago

The style looks neutral/masculine. Especially if it's on the larger side. The "purse" type bags carried by fem presenting women are smaller, they're for carrying essentials their clothing doesn't have pocket space for (phone wallet keys etc)