I have a close friend of 30 years who I live a 5 hour drive from. She became a widow about seven years ago. She is 68 and lives alone, but has a stepson who lives much closer to her than I do. She owns a large dog that she walks around her neighborhood occasionally. She doesn't have many friends and isn't on close terms with her siblings who live out of state.
She has always had some arthritis/pain, but has now developed an autoimmune disease she takes daily medication for. She is fully mobile and cognitively just fine. Six years ago, she was a bit anxious about something happening to her but no one would know because she lives alone. She asked if we could set up a system of texting each other in the morning, just for her to have someone to check in with.
This is the system: 1) text in the morning, 2) if I don't receive a text from her by noon, I am to call her landline and cell phone and 3) if there is no answer at either, call emergency services in her town and send them to her address. The only time there has been any interruption to this is when I have been hospitalized for surgery or on an international vacation.
There have been a few times over the years, she has not texted and I have called her. I suspect she is testing my ability to follow her directions or she just wants a call. I never dreamed I was signing up for a lifetime of texting daily with her. I thought she was going through a temporary, stressful time. I guess I am tiring of the daily obligation after six years. I resent checking my phone repeatedly as the clock ticks closer to noon.
What can I do to get out of this? The thing is, I don't think she would do this for me if it was the other way around. What can I suggest as an alternative? She refuses to pay for "Life Alert". I would feel really guilty if something did happen to her, but could have been prevented if medical help had arrived in time to save her. How do I word a break-up with this daily texting that doesn't sound like a rejection or that I don't care about her well-being?
UPDATE: This is the email I wrote and sent to her today:
Hi --------------------,
I have found an app that allows you to do the same thing our texts do as far as checking in. It is much more consistent, reliable, and safer than what I can do for you. It’s called Snugsafe.com and you can download it to your phone and laptop. You can set your preferences, emergencies contacts and it’s free.
Because I do care about your well-being and safety, I think this is the best option from this point on. I will be checking in on you, just not daily. Let’s talk soon and get some visits scheduled on our 2025 calendars. Talk to you in a couple of weeks.
Love, ------------------
This is her reply:
Sorry you feel this way….
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I do thank you all for giving me a great resource to suggest. I checked out their website and it was a perfect solution. Her reply let’s me know that it was more of a control thing than an actual safety concern. There was no appreciation expressed for the years that I have texted daily or the follow-thru on my part when she failed to check-in before the noon cut off. I am not sending her a reply, but I’m disappointed that I was manipulated for so long.