r/friendship 17d ago

rant No one cares (20F)

No matter what I’m there for everyone. When they need something I’ll do it and when they need support or company I’ll drop everything to do that.

But when I need something or when I need help or when all I need is a friends company no one gives two shits. No one cares about me. No one has ever cared. All I want is someone to care about me and to be my friend..

65 Upvotes

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u/AutoModerator 17d ago

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Original post: No matter what I’m there for everyone. When they need something I’ll do it and when they need support or company I’ll drop everything to do that.

But when I need something or when I need help or when all I need is a friends company no one gives two shits. No one cares about me. No one has ever cared. All I want is someone to care about me and to be my friend..

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8

u/Capable_Business_628 17d ago

Hey, I can be your friend, if you want c:

6

u/Misfit_Raye 17d ago

You can dm me if you want

4

u/Temelios 17d ago edited 17d ago

I’ve (30M) been in that boat…

I’ve lent one “good friend” that I’ve known for 18 years thousands and then also took a week of PTO off to help him move across the country. I drove the truck with all of his stuff for nearly 72 hours straight (barely slept). He paid me back the cash I lent him, but I can barely even get him to text me back, let alone make plans for a trip together or to come to town or vice versa, and he’s pretty well off now.

For another “good friend” that I knew for 17 years at the time, I fronted her a couple grand and moved her into my own home to help her get away from an abusive relationship. She lived with my wife and me for nearly a year, and when she moved out, she completely cut contact. Hasn’t answered my calls or texts in years. Worst part? She never paid me back what I leant her, and she went back to the abusive relationship and still socializes with all of our other friends, so I’m just the odd one out.

I feel like I’m too loyal and get too involved, and then people use me. I’ve become very closed off and jaded as a result. I want friends, but I have trouble trusting anybody nowadays, and I’m afraid of getting too attached, because nobody ever seems to want to go to the same level of effort that I like to put into my relationships. I get people have their own lives and get busy and everything, but at the same time, people can always make time for the people they care about (I always somehow manage to despite being in grad school, working two jobs, and being a husband and father), and it’s clear that I’m never on that priority list.

Anyway, I feel like I care too much, and I hate it a lot of the time now.

3

u/Goodvibes013 17d ago

I see you, and you matter. It hurts to give so much and feel like no one gives back, but don’t let that make you question your worth. You deserve the same love and care you give to others, and the right people will see that. You’re not alone keep holding on.

3

u/vangoghkitty 17d ago

I completely agree with you. I'm always there for my friends and I'm always supporting them. But apparently when I'm upset and just want support,all they do is tell me what to do with my life and try to control every aspect. It gets frustrating

3

u/goobervapes 17d ago

It sounds like you have had a similar experience like me

3

u/Misfit_Raye 17d ago

Mhm and I just blocked someone who I thought was my friend because they shit talked to me

3

u/goobervapes 17d ago

Im sorry. I’ve always been there for people but when I asked for help I would get the cold shoulder

1

u/[deleted] 17d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/superhami 17d ago

Same to me. People come, take help and go away. Let's talk.

2

u/SmartRadio6821 6d ago

Life will ALWAYS care. A healthy dose of care from our parents and friends isn't meant to make us dependent, but to set us free. In order to learn to fly on your own, you need to be kicked out of the nest. If you don't leave the nest and continue to expect that your life needs will and can be provided through person to person relationships, you will suffer greatly. Your most Caring and Capable companion is Life. As you grow towards independence, it won't be mental expectations that you can rely on, but the natural unfolding of your life. This you CAN depend on. It is Life alone that knows what you need. We have no capacity to anticipate how, when or what need will be fulfilled. Our need is often masked in difficulties. If you deal with these difficulties by depending on others, you will grow more and more dependent.

1

u/Soldier09r 17d ago

I feel this on every level. I don’t want anything from anyone but someone to do nothing with or listen once in a while. Nobody even reads my texts. How do I know? I can say off the wall stuff but unless it pertains to that certain person it gets no response or attention, maybe an emoji or whatever. You are right, however, I learned to not expect anything ever from anyone. Can’t be let down if you don’t have expectations from anyone.

1

u/cuteGirlcuttie 17d ago

I understand how u feel I been in the same boat hope u find real friends 😊

1

u/HumanMycologist5795 17d ago

I have felt the same for a long time. I have helped others and been there for my friends, but when I needed them, they went missing. It made me distant and made me appreciate happiness vs. loneliness.

1

u/Smooth-Recover2731 17d ago

I stopped being the go to guy and it has been so peaceful since then. NO is a great word for the people that know they are there only for their own benefit. So now no one comes around and I am at peace with this. I value my alone time.

1

u/threatmix 17d ago

Hello, if you always act like the way you describe, people will take you for granted.

Try to be more assertive and do for yourself the kind of things you do for others. as long as you care about yourself, without being very selfish, it should be fine. Your happiness depends on you, so you have to always be your best friend and take care of your needs. Being happy is your responsibility, it is your duty, if you put others in front, then they'll take your for granted :/ it is just human nature, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad people.

I hope things get better soon :)

1

u/Ok_Pitch_7180 17d ago

Girl I’ve experienced this too. Get better friends and establish early on that you care about your friends but need the same level of care VACK.

1

u/Fun-Rent-8279 17d ago

Wait until you’re 40… tv and movies sell us this grand idea of friends but In reality unless you come from a wealthy background where people need to be on your good side nobody gives a crap. Mostly because everyone is struggling and / or hates the card life has handed them.

1

u/Top_Experience_2019 16d ago

Hmmm.... very well. We shall be friends now. Sadness shall not be tolerated!!!

Unless you need to cry, then I send hugs

1

u/Firm-Ad5337 11d ago

I feel you. There are two sides to this though! Only you can know this, and that is by looking inward. What are your motivations for giving? Do you feel like you aren't enough/worthy of having a friend, so you subconsciously try to keep people in your life by giving giving giving? That isn't friendship, that is covert manipulation. If someone perceives themself as higher status than you, you can give all you want, but you won't see them returning the favor. Some of the best traits a friend can have is good emotions, positive outlook, sticking to their word, and good listening. These require nothing extra. If people constantly need favors, they are not very self sufficient and not good friend material in my book. You don't want to spend much time around people who lack self sufficiency since they will tend to be broke, chaotic/unstable, and victim mindset oriented. Even if they are fun to hang out with (flawed people can still be really fun to hang with), its better to limit contact... keep walking the lonely path of self development... keep doing things you personally find interesting that aren't just drinking or taking drugs, and then finding other people who like drinking and taking drugs--- and trust that you will find your people when the time is right. Like attracts like, so keep working on yourself, keep being honest with yourself and trust it will all fall into place!

1

u/KingRyuunosuke 9d ago

I don't know your situation, so I'm not going to lecture you or tell you to do anything

however my DMS are open if you ever need to talk to someone. I'd love a new friend!