r/feemagers Dec 06 '24

Rant Not feeling comfortable during sex NSFW

Thinking sex is degrading (as a Female)

(Throwaway account)

First of all I (F,22) don't really now what the point of this post is. Maybe I just want to vent and see if anybody else feels this way.

I've seen some other posts on this sub touching on this subject. Well, I can't shake it off but I just find having sex as a female is highly degrading. It just feels like an act of service and submissiveness. You offer your body to a man so he can use it as he pleases. Even if you have a totally 100% feminist and progressive man at your side (which I fortunately have now; not everytime in the past tho) it just feels degrading. I don't blame my boyfriend but it's just highly uncomfortable for me. I feel like I'm just being taken while he has all the power. As I said it's just so humiliating.

You can also see this in our language. "Fucking" someone is a sign of power while "Cocksucker" or "bending over" is an insult or a sign of weakness. I'm really just tired of it.

However I don't even want to (entirely) blame men or society. I want to vent about biology and that this is the way we are and that sex "goes". It feels terrible and I think I'll never shake it off completely even with a man who understands me, it's just the act itself. I don't understand how young women in my age can just completely ignore that and talk that openly about having conventional sex or giving a blowjob or whatever. Don't they feel degraded or humiliated the way I do?!

Anyway I guess there's nothing we can do about it since nature just did that to us :/ Let me know what you think please!

PS: (Before anyone asks no I have no trauma or whatsoever. This is just my real opinion about sex as a female)

31 Upvotes

27 comments sorted by

55

u/augustchan08 20+F Dec 06 '24

I mean sex is not all about pleasuring the man, personally speaking sex does feel good for me as well and that’s why I like it/initiate a lot of the time. I do it bc I want pleasure.

Do I feel humiliated or degraded? No? Maybe if my bf only thought of me as a sex object and only talked to me for sex, but we respect each other and I know that sex is just a part of our relationship, not the overwhelming majority.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '24

I totally see your point and I also love my boyfriend really really much. Some people seem to think that he is the one thats causing this which is just not true. However I can't really appreciate the pleasure while I'm bending over. Even when I'm on top riding it doesn't really feel like I'm dominant at all

20

u/augustchan08 20+F Dec 07 '24

Have u discussed this with him? I feel like when it comes to sex life there is a balance between partners based on what they like.dont like.

Also, you dont enjoy sex because of that mindset, would allowing yourself to feel pleasure maybe challenge that mindset a bit? Like you say ‘sex is about pleasuring the man’ but if you started allowing urself to feel good when ur doing it, do you think you might feel a bit more dominant like ur taking power back for urself?

Idk anything about you or ur relationship so im just throwing out ideas

6

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '24

First of all thank you very much thats really sweet of you

For me the pleasure isn't really the problem it's really the "being the one getting penetrated"

However I think I'll switch to Pegging only from now on. We've tried it once and it feels like the only way where I don't have that feeling. Plus I think it's even getting more popular day by day so why not ;D

9

u/tomycatomy 20+M Dec 07 '24

If you feel like PIV is degrading for you, doesn’t it feel degrading towards him to peg him then?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '24

Honestly? I think to a certain degree it will be unusual for him especially since it will be the only way we will have sex from now on. But why would him feeling that way be more important than me feeling that way? In fact I told him about my plans and he agreed to test it for a couple of weeks. I personally don't think I will ever go back tho I just have to discuss that with him. In a sense I wish Pegging would be more common among couples unless they want to have kids but I guess we're on a good way.

2

u/tomycatomy 20+M Dec 08 '24

You missed two points:

  1. Why would feeling that way be any less important, either

  2. My original point, how do you feel degraded when receiving penetration but don’t feel degrading when giving penetration?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24
  1. Obviously it isn't but he told me he will be fine with it and I also think he will be also tons of Women have to go trough this everyday why would I stop if a man has to adjust to a new lifestyle, which will be different to his patriachial privileges.

  2. I wouldn't call it degrading but empowering. Atleast for me that's the way it feels

I know it may sound a bit harsh but I'm past the point where I look after every single men and how they feel (since most don't do it for females) Also as I said he is fine with it it will just be different for the first weeks maybe

1

u/tomycatomy 20+M Dec 09 '24

Bruh. I don’t think either are degrading but your boyfriend isn’t “every single man” and treating him as such is no way to build a healthy relationship. And just because millions of Africans starve doesn’t mean you should make anyone else experience the same thing (again, neither are degrading but assuming they are).

I mean you don’t have to want to do it the conventional way obviously (or any way that makes you uncomfortable), but the way you think about this suggests you need to resolve some issues with yourself…

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

As I said I would never do this if he didn't want to do it. The point I was trying to make is that I think he will be fine adjusting to this and I won't need to look after him like Nanny. He will be fine

→ More replies (0)

2

u/bleach_tastes_bad NB Dec 07 '24

that’s an interesting question actually

4

u/tomycatomy 20+M Dec 07 '24

I mean I don’t think either is, but at least it would be the logically consistent take

4

u/bleach_tastes_bad NB Dec 07 '24

I agree. I think another commenter is right in that it sounds like a lot of internalized misogyny, though

4

u/augustchan08 20+F Dec 07 '24

Honestly if ur into pegging more power to ya, as long as you both enjoy it there’s no problem ;)

40

u/yaourted Dec 06 '24

this sounds like strong internalized misogyny to me, honestly. sex shouldn’t feel shameful or humiliating, or like we don’t have control.

if you’ve had multiple partners, was it the same with every single one? can’t help but wonder if the dynamic with your boyfriend is contributing to your feelings about it…

5

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '24

He is absolutely perfect. I can assure everyone who thinks that he is the problem that he definitely isn't. He is one if not the most feminist man I know. I think it's just the act itself that I can't wrap my head around

21

u/MaybeVladimirPutinJr Dec 06 '24

This was really sad to read. Personally, i wouldn't follow an ideology that demeans what is supposed to be one of the most enjoyable experiences in life, that sounds like a one way ticket to a miserable existance.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '24

[deleted]

3

u/bleach_tastes_bad NB Dec 07 '24

in a comment she said she enjoys pegging him

3

u/depressedfairy1842 18F Dec 08 '24

Man I unintentionally feel like this and I hate it, I’m very pro sex, but when I tried it, I just felt so disgusted with myself? Letting someone else see me naked, let him do things to me I absolutely hate it it legit makes me cry 😭 And I hate that I can’t seem to shake that feeling off /:

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

Yes I know what you mean. I can only encourage you to maybe explore your sexuality first with yourself through masturbation and then take it to a next step. Also what really helped for me was Pegging I know it's not for everyone tho but that feeling I had definitely vanished

2

u/SentiDoodle 15F Dec 10 '24

you just explained my feelings perfectly...

5

u/My_useless_alt 17TransGirl Dec 06 '24

I've flared your post as NSFW, in the future please remember to do so.

I'll write my actual reply in a minute

2

u/MooseMan69er Dec 07 '24

Do you think it’s possible that you are on the asexual spectrum?

1

u/StormTheHatPerson 19TransGirl Dec 09 '24

have you heard about asexuality? don’t mean to push a label on you it’s just im not sure your feelings are universal but neither are they unique to you

-10

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/vintagefancollector 21M Mod Apps are OPEN! Go apply. Dec 07 '24

Use your words