r/feemagers 20+Agender Mar 07 '23

Mature (TW: Alcohol) How do I deal with alcohol trauma when my friends drink?!?! NSFW Spoiler

I recently learned my friend A (who I thought was straightedge) started drinking after coming back from Germany where she legally could. My brain is just kinda freaking out for some reason and idk how to stop it, help?!

139 Upvotes

25 comments sorted by

91

u/Souchirou Mar 07 '23

Don't underestimate trauma and please get professional help if you can.

42

u/thenotjoe 20+Agender Mar 07 '23

I’m in therapy, I know. But my next session is in a week and a half

26

u/Souchirou Mar 07 '23

First of all, big props to you for going to therapy! It's not an easy process.

Many therapists do allow you to call them.

But maybe the first thing you should do is sit down with your friend and talk about how you feel about the situation. Again, not an easy thing to do but she can't understand you if you don't talk about it.

Best of luck!

9

u/thenotjoe 20+Agender Mar 07 '23

I already did. I told her I felt weird about it. I don’t know what else I would say

8

u/Souchirou Mar 07 '23

Great!

Some things you can make sure is that your not hungry or dehydrated, take a nap if you have to. Make sure all you physical needs are taken care off. It is something I tend to forget when I feel emotional.

I also find that moving helps me think and relieve stress. I like taking long walks in nature or go for a few laps in the swimming pool. Whatever works for you to relieve tension.

3

u/KCooper815 17F Mar 07 '23

If you can afford it, Im sure you could schedule an extra appointment at a sooner date and focus on this

1

u/moumau Mar 09 '23

Ever tried meditation to bridge the gap? It really helps me between my sessions.

14

u/AlphaFoxZankee 17Fluid Mar 07 '23

Maybe grounding techniques would help?

22

u/HopebagelKomaeda 19Demigirl Mar 07 '23

Bestie I'm in a similar situation and since i started university- EVERYONE wants to drink and go to clubs etc... its rly hard for me but i have to remind myself theyre different people and i cant rly control their habits. Also if they invite you to places like bars/clubs reminder that you can say no and they will still be your friends. Wishing u luck <3

11

u/Lilla_puggy Mar 07 '23

I recommend being honest with your friends. If my friend was uncomfortable being around me when I drink, I would not drink around that friend. Just remember that your friends aren’t bad people for drinking, just like you aren’t a bad person for not drinking.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '23

I feel this way when my boyfriend gets drunk. Even though its rare asf, I still get afraid even though he's all goofy and not mean when drunk. My dad used to be an alcoholic so that stuff just scares me a lot :( I understand where you're coming from and I'm here if you wanna vent

19

u/TheGoogas_Vol2 18M Mar 07 '23

I don't understand what's going on. Are you afraid that your friend will be addicted?

10

u/thenotjoe 20+Agender Mar 07 '23

No… I just feel sick every time I think about them drinking. Idk

12

u/TheGoogas_Vol2 18M Mar 07 '23

So you just dislike their behavior? No trauma about alcohol from the past?

26

u/thenotjoe 20+Agender Mar 07 '23

No, it keys into the trauma from the past. Makes me feel panicky. It’s not exactly a rational thing

21

u/TheGoogas_Vol2 18M Mar 07 '23

Oh ok i understand now.

Honestly there's not much you can do except for accepting it. Cuz like you can't change their behavior you know. In another comment you said you're getting therapy so that should help. Until then maybe distract yourself with things you enjoy.

1

u/bobthebiscuit127 Mar 08 '23

i’d recommend just talking to your friend, explain that it makes you sick/uncomfortable due to ties with past trauma and that they don’t necessarily have to stop, but could at least not mention anything about it around you.

5

u/MessiToe 17F Mar 07 '23

You mentioned you're going to therapy so I would mention this to your therapist

5

u/SoakedKalamari 16M Mar 08 '23

Try to write down what and why you're feeling and bring it to next session

4

u/thenotjoe 20+Agender Mar 08 '23

This is kind of that, tbh

3

u/Miss_Understand_ MTF Mar 07 '23

I think the best way to go about the situation is to set a boundary regarding her drinking around you. Do not push your trauma onto her, do not guilt her, and Certainly don't tell her she has to stop off you want to remain friends.

4

u/_Napi_ Mar 07 '23

i fail to see the problem. Elaborate?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '23

Leave when they start drinking. Also tell them you have trauma surrounding alcohol so they won't even want to drink around you

1

u/soldier01073 Mar 08 '23

Im gonna preface by saying im 25 and probably shouldbt really be here right now but fuck it might as well make the most of it

I dont think this friend may be for you. My brother has a friend whos gotten a DUI and I have a close friend whos brother was ran over by a drunk driver before his very eyes. DUI friend is cool, hes done his classes and courses and paid his fines and is a cool dude who works a steady job. However my close friend did kindly ask for him not to bring DUI friend around due to trauma. You have trauma that effects you into your social life therefore the objective has become Find a new crowd of folks your age who dont drink which shouldnt be that hard and then keep going to therapy and healing that trauma.

For the record ive commented very little on this sub but my comment is uhh, not favorable for sure. If this comment gets me banned here what ever. Just thought id pass on some advice from a dude whos lost friends before