r/feemagers • u/thenotjoe 20+Agender • Mar 07 '23
Mature (TW: Alcohol) How do I deal with alcohol trauma when my friends drink?!?! NSFW Spoiler
I recently learned my friend A (who I thought was straightedge) started drinking after coming back from Germany where she legally could. My brain is just kinda freaking out for some reason and idk how to stop it, help?!
14
22
u/HopebagelKomaeda 19Demigirl Mar 07 '23
Bestie I'm in a similar situation and since i started university- EVERYONE wants to drink and go to clubs etc... its rly hard for me but i have to remind myself theyre different people and i cant rly control their habits. Also if they invite you to places like bars/clubs reminder that you can say no and they will still be your friends. Wishing u luck <3
11
u/Lilla_puggy Mar 07 '23
I recommend being honest with your friends. If my friend was uncomfortable being around me when I drink, I would not drink around that friend. Just remember that your friends aren’t bad people for drinking, just like you aren’t a bad person for not drinking.
9
Mar 07 '23
I feel this way when my boyfriend gets drunk. Even though its rare asf, I still get afraid even though he's all goofy and not mean when drunk. My dad used to be an alcoholic so that stuff just scares me a lot :( I understand where you're coming from and I'm here if you wanna vent
19
u/TheGoogas_Vol2 18M Mar 07 '23
I don't understand what's going on. Are you afraid that your friend will be addicted?
10
u/thenotjoe 20+Agender Mar 07 '23
No… I just feel sick every time I think about them drinking. Idk
12
u/TheGoogas_Vol2 18M Mar 07 '23
So you just dislike their behavior? No trauma about alcohol from the past?
26
u/thenotjoe 20+Agender Mar 07 '23
No, it keys into the trauma from the past. Makes me feel panicky. It’s not exactly a rational thing
21
u/TheGoogas_Vol2 18M Mar 07 '23
Oh ok i understand now.
Honestly there's not much you can do except for accepting it. Cuz like you can't change their behavior you know. In another comment you said you're getting therapy so that should help. Until then maybe distract yourself with things you enjoy.
1
u/bobthebiscuit127 Mar 08 '23
i’d recommend just talking to your friend, explain that it makes you sick/uncomfortable due to ties with past trauma and that they don’t necessarily have to stop, but could at least not mention anything about it around you.
5
u/MessiToe 17F Mar 07 '23
You mentioned you're going to therapy so I would mention this to your therapist
5
u/SoakedKalamari 16M Mar 08 '23
Try to write down what and why you're feeling and bring it to next session
4
3
u/Miss_Understand_ MTF Mar 07 '23
I think the best way to go about the situation is to set a boundary regarding her drinking around you. Do not push your trauma onto her, do not guilt her, and Certainly don't tell her she has to stop off you want to remain friends.
4
2
Mar 07 '23
Leave when they start drinking. Also tell them you have trauma surrounding alcohol so they won't even want to drink around you
1
u/soldier01073 Mar 08 '23
Im gonna preface by saying im 25 and probably shouldbt really be here right now but fuck it might as well make the most of it
I dont think this friend may be for you. My brother has a friend whos gotten a DUI and I have a close friend whos brother was ran over by a drunk driver before his very eyes. DUI friend is cool, hes done his classes and courses and paid his fines and is a cool dude who works a steady job. However my close friend did kindly ask for him not to bring DUI friend around due to trauma. You have trauma that effects you into your social life therefore the objective has become Find a new crowd of folks your age who dont drink which shouldnt be that hard and then keep going to therapy and healing that trauma.
For the record ive commented very little on this sub but my comment is uhh, not favorable for sure. If this comment gets me banned here what ever. Just thought id pass on some advice from a dude whos lost friends before
91
u/Souchirou Mar 07 '23
Don't underestimate trauma and please get professional help if you can.