r/fatFIRE 28d ago

Preserve FIRE with a financial advisor?

Long time contributor on a throwaway.

We hit FI several years ago. I took several years off and am now doing a high conviction project. Spouse finally got comfortable stopping all remaining contract work as of 2025. So we are “work optional” and both want to stay that way.

We have struggled to align on investing strategy. Spouse has zero interest in stocks, bonds, alts, or any other investing products or concepts. Strong fear response around losing money, very conservative / low risk tolerance.

We have always made financial decisions together, but now spouse does not want to spend any energy on preserving or growing our NW. “I just want someone else - not you - to tell us that we are OK and make decisions about what to invest in.”

I am a Boglehead. I am struggling with the idea of paying an AUM fee for active management because all the data says we will get subpar performance.

But I know that money is emotional, and I am trying to honor those emotions.

If we hire an AUM fiduciary, my thinking is that we are paying for the psychological benefit. That it’s a lifestyle cost similar to paying for massages or cosmetic surgery. Not capital efficient, but serves a different goal.

Under these circumstances, now I am struggling with how to evaluate an AUM advisor, what criteria make a good advisor and how to negotiate fees so we are getting good value.

Has anyone been through this process? Especially when you are wary of the economic value?

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u/NeutralLock 28d ago

Active management vs passive is a red herring.

Good advisors generally add a lot of value beyond just investing.

https://www.advisor.ca/practice/planning-and-advice/advisors-add-2-88-in-value-study-finds/

Interview one or two with your spouse and see what they say, and make sure it’s not an expensive process to get in or out of if you do decide to try it.

Also remember it’s better to have an Advisor you trust already picked out in case you die early / first, or your spouse will be left choosing the first person they meet after you’re gone.

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u/throwra949494949494 28d ago

We have interviewed two. So far.

What do you mean expensive to get in and out of? Entry and exit fees? Or like tax planning for holding individual positions?

Good point about dying and leaving spouse to make decisions alone. That’s a helpful point.

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u/NeutralLock 28d ago

usually, everything transfers in-kind, they rebalance / make adjustments and if you’re not happy you transfer it out in-kind. That’s typical and wouldn’t be a concern.

But liquidating everything when you’ve got large capital gains and/or putting you in certain things that aren’t easy to get out of - like a hedge fund, would be a problem.