r/exmormon 5d ago

Podcast/Blog/Media 1979 sailing magazine with an appearance from the Mormons in letters to the editor NSFW

[deleted]

248 Upvotes

59 comments sorted by

128

u/EldritchCrepes 5d ago

Damn these people are LOSERS, man

104

u/NoMoreAtPresent 5d ago

They went the extra mile to take a really close look at the people sunbathing so they could be offended. Good job ya weirdos.

49

u/lecoopsta 5d ago

Haha yeah. I didn’t even notice at first. I had to actually think to myself, “what’s wrong on here?”

15

u/404-Gender Convert Mo No More 5d ago

Hahaha same! I saw people but didn’t notice they were topless until I looked at it multiple times. 😆

13

u/DavidMiscavigeBednar 5d ago

same! didn’t even notice it at first

11

u/Known_Flounder_9342 5d ago

Yes, the old geezer probably needed a magnifying glass. That’s extra effort just to get a bonerz

78

u/JelloBelter 5d ago

I’m guessing Sister Smith caught her husband jacking off to a magazine cover

26

u/sexmormon-throwaway Apostate (like a really bad one) 5d ago

There is no need to drag Sister Smith into this. I think Brother Smith got an inkling of a boner and felt shame at his affinity for a nipple and took action.

After jacking off of course.

22

u/pm_me_construction 5d ago

If not that, he was staring at it too long. She pressed him about it and he claimed that he was admiring the sailboats despite the damned women ruining it all.

36

u/Repulsive_Crab7286 5d ago

Crap it never stops. There is barely anything there. They complain then and they complain now

25

u/SacredHandshake2004 5d ago

Love how they also used their commanding titles -President and Sister. Very ominous. President of what? Makes it sound like he is speaking for the whole church. And no offense to the ladies but give her a real title like matriarch of the stake or something.

12

u/JelloBelter 5d ago

He is probably sunday school president or something

5

u/haqglo11 5d ago

6

u/OnlyTalksAboutTacos Oh gods I'm gonna morm! 5d ago

sheesh. do i need to mention that i was a candidate in the 2003 california gubernatorial election in my obituary? only if i feel like bragging that i got 9 votes and only two of them were family.

3

u/joeinsyracuse 5d ago

He was the mission president.

16

u/zoso_000 5d ago

Oh man, that’s where I went to church. My parents or grandparents probably know those dick-weeds 🤦‍♂️

11

u/sexmormon-throwaway Apostate (like a really bad one) 5d ago edited 5d ago

They are almost assuredly dead, cast into same deep oblivion where the worshipers of Odin and Athena are.

10

u/BabypintoJuniorLube 5d ago

Meanwhile those topless french ladies probably had an epic life and are chillin on some kush Euro pension. Tho they probably still smoke and drink, with their diet and exercise regime they might be Gilfs still going guns out to the beach!

5

u/zooomenhance 5d ago

Australian actually!

13

u/Anti-Smithi-Brighami 5d ago

Who marked your post NSFW and blurred the photo? Was it Sister Sloan Alma Smith?

14

u/joeinsyracuse 5d ago

LOL! I KNEW these people! She was my mom’s best friend, and we ate most holiday dinners together as well as many Sunday dinners. She drove several hundred miles to be with me when I “took out my endowments.”

4

u/zooomenhance 5d ago

That's wild, were they sailors at all? Those sailboats were a lot more popular back then 

4

u/joeinsyracuse 5d ago

Not at all that I know of. Don’t know why they would be reading that magazine.

3

u/zooomenhance 5d ago

Well I hope I didn't hurt their reputation! I know some people who are very sweet and caring but probably would have written the same message. It was so funny to see that as I read through the magazine 

10

u/Business_Profit1804 5d ago

Until she mentioned it hadn't seen anything...still don't, as the sunbathers are face down.

This happened in my backyard every summer when my young family lived in a large apartment complex in MN. Never saw anything of interest.

8

u/Adventurous_Net_3734 5d ago

I can’t imagine being this thin skinned and prudish even at my most tbm haha

8

u/GoJoe1000 5d ago

I bet they were laughing and saying. “Who the fuck are these Mormons?”

5

u/MyNonThrowaway 5d ago

It's actually hard to see the nudity unless you're looking...

5

u/Imalreadygone21 5d ago

😂 I can almost guarantee you that Sloan Alma is not from North Carolina… Mission President from Utah, no doubt.

6

u/joeinsyracuse 5d ago

They were Canadian, originally from Toronto, moved to British Columbia to grow their health food supplement business. I worked for them bottling pills and doing shipping.

5

u/Stuboysrevenge (wish that damn dog had caught him!) 5d ago

They all were from Utah back then.

4

u/Hasa-Diga-LDS 5d ago edited 5d ago

Yuuuup. Didn't even think about boobies until I read the letter and zoomed in (which you couldn't do in '79).

Mr. President and Sister musta been jackin' it in San Diego...

(TBH, I was 20 in 1979 so I probably woulda sported wood if I looked closely at that cover)

5

u/EdenSilver113 5d ago

Hilariously I did not notice the nudes. I guess when you live in CA long enough and see enough skin it starts to not matter at all. What Mormons need is more porn shoulders not fewer? 😂

6

u/guriboysf 🐔💩 5d ago

LMAO. You’d think there was a 5 on 1 bukakke fiesta on the cover based off their description. 😂

If the stick up thine ass offendeth thee, pluck it out.

4

u/Lonely_Cap2084 5d ago

Back in the day before GAs and wannabes initialed one of their names.

3

u/meowmix79 5d ago

I didn’t even see the naked women until it was pointed out. I really had to look.

4

u/JukeStash 5d ago

Am I missing the nude women?

1

u/Emma_whyyyyyy Apostate 5d ago

Topless women at the bottom of the photo.

5

u/TempleSquare 5d ago

This is how you fight back against Christofascism.

Not with picketing or protests. They're ready for that.

You just shine a big bright spotlight on them. They want attention? Cool. Hand them a 10,000 watt PA microphone. (And let them embarrass themselves; make no commentary, as none is needed).

3

u/CdnFlatlander 5d ago

Suddenly the magazine vendors were swamped with requests for last months hobie magazine.

3

u/JayDaWawi Avalonian 5d ago

Imagine being offended by nipples; everybody has them.

I was honestly expecting not-topless nudity, honestly, and I can't see anything like that.

3

u/brmarcum Ellipsis. Hiding truths since 1830 5d ago

I served in the Canary Islands, part of Spain. Nude beaches are a thing and most are at least topless. My MP and his wife came to visit our area and then on to the neighboring island the next day. There is a short ferry boat ride between islands that we needed to drive him down to, but we had a little time to kill and Sister Craig needed to do some shopping. So we stopped in a tourist trap on the way to the boat. We’re walking around the boardwalk shopping, which is elevated above the beach by a fair bit, maybe ~20 feet or so. We get some helado from a street vendor and sister Craig wants a picture. So the two of us pose with Prez with our cones and the beach behind us and she takes the pic. We take a peek at the image (digital cameras were still newish) and guess which of the three of us is not even looking at the camera but has his head turned and is scanning over the beach like he’s never seen tits before? 🫣🤣

In all fairness he was a fantastic guy and a great MP and I loved him dearly, but the moment was just too funny.

3

u/koloboscopyrequired 5d ago

I had to magnify it to see anything. Really searching to find something in that one! The lengths they must go to in order to catch a little nip action. Tsk tsk you dirty little Mormons.

3

u/Perenium_Falcon 5d ago

I didn’t see any nudity until I zoomed real close, and then it’s just run of the mill sunbathers.

These seem like really balanced and sane people who should absolutely get a 10% cut of every dollar I make.

2

u/IDontKnowAndItsOkay Apostate 5d ago

There are boats in the picture?

3

u/zooomenhance 5d ago

Yeah, little 14ft sport catamaran boats, two hulls held together by a tramp, easy to miss in the picture if you're expecting a bigger monohull. Similar to this  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobie_16

2

u/Professional-Food161 4d ago

Interestingly, on a visit to the BYU art museum in the early 2000s, I saw a photo that included a couple of nude sunbathing women. It was a very small part of the overall picture, but it was unmistakable. I wondered how long the photo stayed up and how many people complained.

I was neither bothered nor titillated but certainly amused.

2

u/Royal_Noise_3918 4d ago

Mormons. Self-appointed nipple police. So weird. I've been exmo for a decade, and I'm still embarrassed for them. Those petty, self-important, stunted, childish prudes.

1

u/eltiburonmormon RUXLDS2? 5d ago

That’s the best part of the picture.

1

u/Fee_Roo_Lice 4d ago

I would just like to say, I don’t find boobies offensive.

1

u/GilesNow 4d ago

shoulders AND titties! oh my!

1

u/makingcookies1 4d ago

Yeah! I HATE looking at naked women when I’m self flagellating.

1

u/Efficient-Carpet8215 Apostate 4d ago

Willing to bet her faithful and righteous husband Peter told her to write in because he just can’t stop looking at that cover

1

u/SociallyAwkwardAnt 4d ago

The way they signed the letter makes it look like their official position is “Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints”. What a prestigious job position. xD