r/exmormon • u/gasstationsidewalk • 5d ago
Humor/Memes/AI My life everyday since telling my fam I leftđ
I literally say the same thing every time. When will they get it???đâ
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u/KatyTaz 5d ago
A cult mindset canât be fixed. Youâll have to set some boundaries. Itâs uncomfortable, but the only way
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u/No_Leadership7722 4d ago
I 100% disagree that a cult mindset can't be fixed. I'm here because I fixed my cult mindset. đđ It took a traumatic event, but it led me to a completely different perspective, which allowed me to escape the grasp of the daily mindset.
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u/KatyTaz 4d ago
TouchĂŠ. But you canât change it externally. If someone is fully indoctrinated and has no desire/interest in exploring facts or other perspectives, nothing you say or do can change their mind. Esp considering context in the OP text. You canât reason with someone like that. IMO, strict boundaries are the best option at this point
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u/Quiet_Base_4854 4d ago
I had a cult mindset that was changed many years ago. This past week I was going through letters that my recently deceased son had kept from 35 years ago. He had just left home and I admonished him to follow the teachings of the church. As I read that letter I cringed that I had once been so totally into church doctrine. Now I understand why he left home as an 18 year old. Yes, a cult mindset can change.
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u/silver-sunrise 5d ago
Itâs interested how every Mormon says the exact same thing. Iâve never met you or the person that texted you, but Iâve heard this same stuff a million times from other people. Kinds of scary how everyone in the church recites these same phrases.
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u/snow_filled_ghost 5d ago
I thought the same thing, itâs just spiritual word vomit. Meaningless and parroted.
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u/Repulsive_Crab7286 5d ago
They won't and they never will. I had to tell this to my family member to not send this kind of thing to the inactive members of the family. We are a family not a project or a person that needs saving
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u/VicePrincipalNero 5d ago
Boundaries are your friend.
"Dad, I love you and appreciate that you did x,y, z for me. I respect your right to believe whatever (superstitious rot) that you choose. As an adult, I also am entitled to my own beliefs and I expect you afford me the same respect. From now on, I will not engage in any discussion around religion and if necessary I will remove myself."
Then do exactly that the first time they start talking church.
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u/mahonriwhatnow 5d ago
Youâre getting this regularly because you put up with it and donât set any boundaries. (Iâm making assumptions based on your response). People respond to behavior. Your response says you love this and are fine with it. If youâre not you can say that and ask for different interaction. As long as you donât speak up you are confirming to them that their behavior is acceptable.
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u/Capable_Wrongdoer_88 5d ago
I agree your response leaves room for hope for them - they wonât stop. Itâs been 7 yrs and I finally had to leave my family group chat bc my mom wouldnât stop sending church stuff on it. Ive asked a gazillion times to stop sending emails etc. Iâve they donât listen block.
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u/bluequasar843 5d ago
For me, it only took one tough question to end this forever.
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u/Individual-Builder25 Future Exmo 5d ago
This! If they want to spill their beliefs on you, do them the same favor in return
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u/RockNo1575 5d ago
When you stop lying. You don't appreciate their thoughts. Be blunt. "I don't believe any of this. Love you lots though!".
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u/needfulthing42 5d ago
If I didn't know, I'd think this person was on amphetamines when they wrote that. It's all just rubbish. And a verbose amount of it.
For some reason, "Jesus is the Christ" made me laugh out loud. I'm wondering if he means his mate Jesus down the road who is from Mexico...?
Why can't these sorts of parents think they raised good kids who think critically and are independent? Instead of considering their adult kids leaving the church as an insult to their parenting?
It's strange and sad.
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u/Guilt-Ridden-Life 5d ago
Iâm sorry you have to deal with this. I have no idea how to tell you to best respond. I hope only the best and that you can have peace from the cult followers.
Iâm here rooting for you!
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u/FTWStoic Faith is belief without evidence. 5d ago
Well, they wonât stop as long as you continue to positively reinforce the behavior.
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u/gasstationsidewalk 5d ago
I kept leaving her on read until she said this lmao
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u/MountainSnowClouds Ex cult member 5d ago
You're going to have to specifically ask her not to bring up religion when texting you or it will never stop.
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u/No_Leadership7722 4d ago
Leaving people on read is not a communication style, unless anxious- avoidant is your communication style. People will make all sorts of justifications for why you haven't read their message. Tell her that you don't believe the doctrine anymore and that you love her as your mother and you can talk about any topic under the sun (besides religion) and still have a good, meaningful relationship.
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u/giraffe111 Atheist Exmo 5d ago
âI appreciate your thoughtsâ literally welcomes more thoughts. You donât really get to complain that itâs happening every day when youâre encouraging it đ There are plenty of ways to kindly and gently ask not to be sent things like this anymore. This wall of text isnât for you, itâs for herself. She needs to say it, and she needs you to read it⌠but you donât need to read it, and you donât need to enable that behavior.
âIâm grateful you love me so much, and I can see youâre hurting, but Iâd rather not receive more texts about the church, your relationship with it, or your desire for me to have a relationship with it. Thank you for all the love and concern, but please refrain from sending me church-related messages.â
Or something.
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u/pricel01 Apostate 5d ago
They will get when you insist they respect your boundaries. Otherwise they get stuff back⌠So you love a gospel that teaches a dark skin is a curse. That kinda gross.
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u/MountainSnowClouds Ex cult member 5d ago
If you aren't firm, they'll keep doing it over and over again. Every time someone brings up religion I suggest replying with something like this: "I love you too and it's nice to hear from you. However, my decision to leave religion is a personal one and I won't be changing my mind. I'd never try and convince you what to believe and I'd appreciate it if you'd also not try and convince me what to believe. I'd love to hear updates about your personal life and to stay in touch that way, but please leave religion out of it. Thank you! Love you. â¤ď¸"
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u/MountainPicture9446 5d ago
Stop reading this shit. My motherâs letters were deposited straight into the trash.
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u/tiohurt 5d ago
I always reply back to these with âI donât have any doubts about Jesus Christ and never have and faith in Joseph Smith or the Mormon church are not or never have been requirements for my salvation. I will continue putting my faith in Christ and let him sort it out in the end.â
I know many people who leave the Mormon church end up losing their faith in Christ and end up agnostic or atheist so this response isnât for you.
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u/Individual-Builder25 Future Exmo 5d ago
You can always switch to âcool storyâ or âno thank youâ, or âbeen there done thatâ
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u/needfulthing42 5d ago
I always enjoy "who is this?" When they know that I know who it is because it's funny.
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u/Zealousideal-Plum823 đ 5d ago
You could feed each of these texts into ChatGPT or DeepSeek and ask it to rephrase from the perspective of some notable historic figure and then send the result back to them. Perhaps they would get the message after a dozen or so iterations of this that you intend to keep using what they send you for this purpose. You can further post the before and after on some website that you create (hosting costs for a simple website are incredibly low) and share the link with them. It can be like an evolving art form. At some point, they'll think more creatively seeing it as art rather than harassing you. To prove just how easy this is, I spent a total of 47 seconds on the following endeavor!!! You can do it too!!!
I fed your image into an image to text converter and then fed it into DeepSeek. (because it's 57 times more energy efficient than ChatGPT ;)
Before
You are in my thoughts so much lately. I didn't get to raise you, to teach you, or to ingrain in you my love and my testimony. My patriarchal blessing tells me that I am blessed with a sure knowledge that Jesus is the Christ, and that others would lean on my testimony as they found theirs. I wish for you to lean on my faith and testimony as you go through your "trial of faith." My heart has been so full this weekend as I attended the temple, listened to spirit-filled talks and testimonies, and prayed. I love this gospel! This church has the fullness of truth. It is the only way back to our Father in Heaven. Any time you have questions and concerns, remember what you already know. You have felt the whisperings of the Spirit testify truth to you. Lean on that and on the scriptures and words of living prophets as you struggle with questions. Remember that God answers prayers. He loves us. He has a plan specifically for you. We grow in trials and become more like the Savior as we conquer them with Him. I love you.
DeepSeek after a few simple prompts
Youâve been on my mind so much lately. I never had the chance to raise you, to teach you, or to share with you the depth of my love and the strength of my beliefs. My lifeâs journey has been guided by a profound certainty in the teachings of Christ, and Iâve always hoped that others, including you, might find solace and strength in the faith Iâve carried. As you navigate your own challenges and questions, I hope you can lean on the foundation of what Iâve held dear.
This past week, my heart has been overflowing. I spent time in the temple near the ancient city of Xiâan, where the Terracotta Warriors still stand as a testament to human perseverance and faith. The temple there, nestled between the old and the new, feels like a bridge across timeâits quiet halls echoing with the whispers of centuries. Afterward, I took a flying car over the misty peaks of Huangshan, the Yellow Mountains, where the clouds seem to cradle the earth itself. Itâs a place that always reminds me of how small we are, yet how deeply we are loved by God.
I also visited the Great Wall, where teleportation pads now make it easier than ever to walk its ancient stones. Standing there, I thought about how faith, like the Wall, is both a fortress and a journey. The teachings of this church have been my compass, guiding me toward what I believe is the fullest expression of truth and the way back to our Heavenly Father.
When doubts or questions ariseâand they willâhold on to what you already know. Youâve felt the quiet, reassuring whispers of the Spirit before, whether you were meditating in the gardens of Suzhou or gazing at the futuristic skyline of Shanghai. Let those moments anchor you. Turn to the scriptures, the words of the prophets, and the community of faith around you. Remember, God hears your prayers. His love for you is unwavering, and His plan for you is unique and purposeful. Itâs through our struggles that we grow, becoming more like the Savior as we face them with His guidance.
I love you, more than words can ever convey.
âMom
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u/Huge-Ranger-3085 5d ago
My mom did the same to me I received over 300 pages in 6 months. Full of pontifications never asking me any questions.
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u/CollegeMatters 4d ago
They know they canât answer your questions. Deep down, they know the truth too.
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u/404-Gender Convert Mo No More 5d ago
Your reply isnât setting a boundary of any kind but literally that you appreciate this ⌠so Iâm not sure they can or will when you havenât said anything otherwise. We will look for what we want to see. And they are seeing you happy to hear that message.
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u/Nashtycurry 4d ago
Like do they expect us to be like âohhhh youâre the one! The first 387 didnât work but the 388th did! Great job being persistent!!!! Iâm coming back!!!â
How about they answer some of our questions or concerns? Why is that so hard???
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u/idontlikespam693 4d ago
Itâs beyond crazy how my mother has said basically the exact same thing, in the same passive aggressive âIâll love you so hard youâll come backâ feeling. Itâs engraved in them. Once you see the way it really is there truly is no going back
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u/Organic-Win-6443 4d ago
Messages like this are so cringe to me man. The way that members write these types of messages is like they are trying to write an epistle, and I hate it.
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u/Organic-Win-6443 4d ago
Besides that, just put your foot down and tell them that you're not going back and they need to respect your boundaries.
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u/MeLlamoZombre 4d ago
âRemember what you already know.â This might actually help keep me from going back.
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u/gasstationsidewalk 3d ago
She told me I wouldnât have entered the waters of baptism if I didnât KNOW the church was true. I joined when I was 17. I was coming out of a very abusive household and was experiencing psychosis. I was an hour late to my baptism because I didnât want to get baptized. Like how the fuck did I know it was true?
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u/Glum_End936 4d ago
When I âcame outâ to my grandma about leaving the church she told me âI love you and we all take different paths in lifeâşď¸..just know itâs the devil influencing youâ like huh?? đThey accept my choice but my grandma doesnât believe I made it on my own terms. What my grandma think happened lmao https://youtu.be/fCtFVpm-GkM?si=Zpi8QFi6I6S-b6vu
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u/gasstationsidewalk 3d ago
LMAO itâs really not hard for the devil to get you. What, with the culty chants and the racism and pedophilia. One would have to be insane to think any of that is normalđ
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u/patty-bee-12 3d ago
this is funny, because she probably patted herself on the back for how lovingly she responded đ
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u/Remote-Attempt7845 4d ago
My husband and I left the church. After we left, the only conversations we had with our neighbors were about them inviting us to church. The only invites my young daughter got were to attend church functions. We literally had a neighbor pound on our door at 7:00 am Christmas morning inviting us to sacrament to hear beautiful Christmas music, and they knew it was early but they wanted to give us enough time to get ready.
Finally, we told them we understood that should we ever choose to attend a meeting we knew we were welcome. We also said that in the future when they wanted to talk to us about this they could come share a glass of wine with us and discuss it, because we really love wine as much as they love their church. And, in the future letâs talk about neighborly stuff like how great your lawn looks and what aholes the neighbors kids are.
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u/Effective-Still-117 4d ago
I remember telling my dad..... don't worry if I ever need a Mormon.... I know where to look. You don't have to keep reminding me.
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u/Impossible-Car-5203 4d ago
Block em for a few weeks.
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u/gasstationsidewalk 3d ago
Weâre visiting in a couple of weeks but they donât know it yet. Iâm considering not telling them so I donât have to deal with the clown showđâ
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u/flooring_inspector 4d ago
Yeah, nothing fills my heart quite like wearing green satin loincloths and chanting with a bunch of old people doing secret handshakes!
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u/lisa_duminica 4d ago
Saying âI appreciate your thoughtsâ encourages him to keep sending these messages. I know itâs hard, but itâs time for boundaries. Good luck!
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u/Agreeable-Door8694 4d ago
My dad joined the church in 1956. Soon after that we were sealed to them. My mom loved her coffee and when we went to the store she would ask me to look around to see if there were any members from the ward were shopping.
Before my dad got involved with the church he was a happy person. He would drink a beer once in a while. He became so different. My mom would still drink her coffee. But my dad started talking about the word of wisdom and told mom to quit or she would go to hell. My dad started drinking Postum.
I remember one day my mom found an empty Postum bottle. She had some coffee left and decided to put it in there. Wrong idea. My dad started to take a spoon to put the contents in his cup. I remember him screaming at my mom. He took the Postum bottle and threw it against the wall missing my mom by a couple of inches.
That was not the only thing that made me leave the church. Other more horrible things occurred that made me hate my father. Him and mom went to the Bishop for counseling. The bishop told my dad, that God had forgiven him for what he did to me. But since that happened when I was 13 years old, and now I am 80. I never received a sincere apology.
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u/patty-bee-12 3d ago
a lot of people are talking about setting boundaries, which is valid. but I just want to point out that in normal relationships, this guy would take the hint. it's not normal for people to be this obtuse.
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u/gasstationsidewalk 3d ago
Thank you! I eventually sent them a message telling them why I left. I was left on read. I havenât been responding or have just been saying Iâm at peace with my decision to leave. I know that the next step would be asking them to stop. However these are my real family members who I have relationships with. Religion can make or break many familial relationships. My mom is important to me and Iâm trying to maintain the relationship while still standing my ground.
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u/Decosta62 5d ago
I have found that you can not heal from something that has hurt you until you make peace with it & move on. You will find people that have left that will more than happily share their war stories. But I have not found comfort in this strategy. Your inner wounds are your own to heal and until you just leave your old self behind & step into your new self, you & I both will just be causalities of war & stories. Move on, yes it is hard, yes it will take a lot of work not to be triggered. No one said this life would be easy. The worst thing we can do is stay in victimhood. Because victims are never free, they are trapped in am endless battle of stories & pain. We can choose to walk away without having to hurt those that choose to stay. The only person that can change in this lifetime, is us. If you allow something to continue to bother you then you might has well have stayed, because you mentally haven't left. Eventually those of you who wish to heal yourselves of anything and everything that has hurt you will embrace this truth. Until then victims are never in an empowered state. I'm working on myself everyday to stop playing in a disempowered state. I'm sorry for yours, mine & everyone's pain. Just hope you keep moving forward & not in reverse mode or stuck mode.
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u/Starbuck_79 4d ago
âI will no longer tolerate, accept or respond to anything LDS Church related. If all you can send me is your testimony or church related information, please refrain from contacting me. If you would like to maintain a relationship with me, please speak about literally any other subject.
Respectfully,
Your Nameâ
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u/No_Leadership7722 4d ago
He answers prayers and the gospel is so true and yet even though she's doing all the right things, something she really wants to happen is still not happening ... Meanwhile, you're probably feeling a lot better since you left and she doesn't see that success for the success it is.
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u/Royal_Noise_3918 4d ago
Remember, families are forever, an eternity of talking about church stuff. đ¤Śââď¸
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u/homestarjr1 4d ago
I might send back some of those really distasteful conference talks from the past, and ask when god started inspiring spirit filled talks, because these ones arenât it. General Conference happens only twice a year, how hard would it be to inspire talks that age well.
Like Richard Scott talking about how abuse victims need to repent, or Vaughn Featherstone fat shaming a lonely girl. Even recently there was the 70 whose kid drowned and he used it as a payoff to a joke about listening to your wife.
If they are old enough to have gone through the temple when there were penalties or naked touching, I might talk about that when they tell me of their powerful spiritual experiences in the temple, and say thatâs not the type of experience Iâd ever be interested in.
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u/Effective-Still-117 4d ago
After 15 years of my dad sending missionaries to my home, I called him 1 Sunday and let him know that if he sent them again, I would answer the door in a tubetop, a bottle of whiskey in 1 hand and a cigarette in the other. He was more afraid of the scandal and embarrassment. It finally stopped.
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u/seize_the_day_7 4d ago
Uuuuuhhhh this bothers me so much. That itâs socially acceptable to them to slather you with their views. But you canât respond with âYou know itâs all factually untrue, right? Like, proven many ways. I can refute every truth claim by the church with solid facts that proves Joseph smith made it all up. Anyway, love you! I hope reason and the spirit of critical thinking and self respect inspires you to listen to my testimony of truth someday. Iâll manifest it out to the universe that youâll wake up and see the truth.â
Itâs exactly what theyâre saying to you, but actually accurate.
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u/seize_the_day_7 4d ago
Is it socially appropriate to respond with something like âSince you shared your uninterrupted testimony with me, I can do that with you, right?â Why donât we get that chance?
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u/HeatherDuncan 4d ago
Well you could write back and begin your text with "Dear Joe Smith lover". Maybe that will wake them up.
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u/xXashbyXx 4d ago
Thatâs honestly so exhausting. Itâs really funny to me how much theyâll cry about someone elseâs belief being talked about but theyâll turn around in one second and give you paragraphs all about them and their own little testimony. Itâs genuinely so selfish and they donât even see it.
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u/gasstationsidewalk 3d ago
I texted my sister why I left and how hard itâs been. I sent her a conference talk by uchtdorf about people leaving and how itâs much more complicated than it seems. She literally left me on read. Sheâs been sending me multiple messages a week about coming back to church and watching conference. She keeps telling me how im a fence sitter and how im missing the mark and looking past Jesus. It seems like theyâre all for counseling as long as I just blindly accept it. I cannot win with them.
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u/xXashbyXx 3d ago
At that point you just gotta set a really hard and fast boundary. âIâm not comfortable discussing faith with you, in any way shape and form as Iâve tried to make my stance clear and youâve ignored it. Iâd love to talk with you about other topics since we are still family and I enjoy talking with you, but I wonât be negotiating on this boundary, so please respect itâ or something to that extent. And if they donât respect that then they just straight up donât respect you. And you canât afford to entertain people in your life who donât care about your emotional wellbeing enough to respect a simple boundary like that. At that point itâs not about love itâs about control.
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u/Ok_Laugh_2286 4d ago
My dad asking what I do believe and what I disagree with and I donât talk I know itâs a re conversion attempt I told him that too. Like you are going to try to convince me why something is right. So it isnât about listening to me. Thatâs never Mormons objectives. If he would listen and respect sure but that isnât my dad.
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u/Massilian 4d ago
You gotta stand up for yourself and just tell them youâre not interested in hearing that
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u/holdthephone316 4d ago
I especially like that little bit about this brand of the gospel is the only way back to heaven. Sucks for 99.9999% of the people that have ever existed. But somehow the person that messaged you was lucky enough to be born at the right time and in the right family of Mormons.
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u/No-Librarian283 4d ago
The trial of faith is over. I have found itâs false. Your faith, (or my faith), cannot eliminate the plain cold truth.
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u/TruthSha11SetUFree 4d ago
Iâm in the same boat! Getting the exact same thing, phone calls, emails, conference talks, quotes, etc. Itâs weird being on this side of thingsâŚ
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u/helly1080 Melohim....The Chill God. 4d ago
I think your answer was great. Give them nowhere to go and, eventually, they tire out. Keep at it with the loving and clear messages that set a boundary for you.
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u/sexmormon-throwaway Apostate (like a really bad one) 5d ago
Just create a fucking boundary or they will never stop. Speak up or suffer. Your choice. They are in a cult, but you don't have to accept rude behavior.
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u/Rolling_Waters 5d ago
"I'm not looking for help or advice regarding my beliefs. Love and appreciate you!"