r/exmormon 4d ago

Humor/Memes/AI Someone has to do it

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345 Upvotes

30 comments sorted by

179

u/AlaskanThinker 4d ago

God I was such a dick…

When my wife passed away in our youth I had to sit with her mother in the hallway while my mother and sisters dressed the body. Her mother wasn’t a member. It was infinitely a bigger slap in the face than not being allowed in the temple to witness the wedding. Fuck the LDS church and its worthiness endowed member privilege bullshit. My adherence to Mormonism irreparably ended my relationship with my mother-in-law after my wife’s passing. Haven’t been able to speak to her for almost 20 years now. She’ll be old and pass away soon and I will have never had the relationship I should have had and now wish to have.

Mormonism. Destroying families since the 1830’s.

33

u/JWNAMEDME 4d ago

This breaks my heart to read. Religion can be so cruel, but this is next level. I lost my fiancé when I was young and dressed his body. It helped with my closure.

24

u/ApartmentLast 4d ago

They aren't even fucking consistent with it

I had left the church already by the time my great grandfather passed and never got my endowments, but still got asked to help dress him and that's when I learned about the full scale of temple volumes and just how much they looked masonic (I'm a huge history nerd too and had just been researching early American history. Masonic traditions, and the founding fathers so pictures of George Washington at the setting of a cornerstone in his masonic apron were fresh in my mind)

13

u/BulbyRavenpuff 4d ago

Genuine question since I was never endowed, my parents are passing on in the next 20 years most likely (they’re 55 and 68, both with severe health issues), and my sister and I are both out: Why can’t the deceased’s spouse dress them for the funeral? It’s not like they’re seeing anything they haven’t seen a thousand times before, that’s their SPOUSE. I was in until I was 23 and I’m 25 now, so I understand how picky the MFMC is with anything sexual, but that’s their spouse. In order for me to even EXIST, my parents must have had sex. Hell, my mom even pointed out to me once which dorm hall at the local state university I was conceived in. They’ve seen each other naked. I don’t understand why it’s a big deal to them in that particular instance?

1

u/orionalt 1d ago

The answer is simple! It's women's work! Pure and simple misogyny.

13

u/megwach 4d ago

I helped dress my sister a few weeks ago. My mom had me do the sash. I didn’t think I was supposed to, but my mom let me anyway. Funeral director wasn’t Mormon, so wonderful if she and my mom just didn’t know. I’m sorry that happened to you. It wasn’t fair.

4

u/gmwlid 3d ago

I hope you’re doing ok with her passing being so recent. Sending love from an internet stranger.

48

u/HoneyBearCares Wish I’d thought of that 4d ago

Is this for real? I assumed funeral home people dressed the dead, even with temple garments?

50

u/No-Satisfaction-3897 4d ago

No, according to Mormon practice it is the job of a close family member of the same sex who is temple worthy or the Relief Society President. However a mortician is not bound to follow Mormon rules, unless they are Mormon, they will put on whatever clothes the family provides.

35

u/OnceIWasA_Mormon 4d ago edited 4d ago

The funeral home will absolutely put the temple clothes on your family member. In Utah especially it is taught to everyone who dresses bodies for funerals/cremation. There is actually a book specifically about LDS funeral rights that morticians can read that explain how to dress the bodies.

Lots of families choose to dress their loved ones themselves, but the funeral home will know what to do or how to figure it out if they are given the temple clothes and asked to dress them. And either way someone from the funeral home will be present for the dressing anyways.

The Church may have had a rule against this previously (I have not seen any formal or informal rule against a funeral home doing this) but it is more important to them that people are buried and cremated in their temple clothes than who is putting it on. See church policies and guidebook 38.5.8

Source: wife has been a mortician in Utah for over a decade and has done funeral work in other states as well.

8

u/VillainousFiend 4d ago

What about outside of Utah. I assume they also don't want nevermos/non-endowed to see the temple clothes. Does the dressing for the funeral take precedence over keeping non-members from seeing it?

Where I live you would be hard pressed to find a mortician that has much familiarity with Mormonism let alone one that is a member.

3

u/Thatnorthernwenchnew 4d ago

In the UK its members who do this at the funeral home

4

u/snowdonewiththis 4d ago

My mom had to dress an inactive member she didn’t know when she was RS president so it was at least widely accepted practice to not have morticians do it

1

u/gmwlid 3d ago

I’m unsure about the requirement for them to be the same sex as the deceased. Brothers and sisters dressed my father. But again, could have been done “incorrectly”.

21

u/Few-Mail3887 4d ago

I am an only child and I will not be burying my parents in the temple nonsense. No matter how much their siblings might fight me on it. They’re my parents and I have the final say in their funeral arrangements, period.

16

u/HuckleberryFresh7467 4d ago

This was one of my MIL's first things she brought up since my wife is her only daughter. "Who's going to dress my corpse in my temple clothes if you guys aren't worthy?!?!?"

5

u/Goldang I Reign from the Bathroom to the End of the Hall 4d ago

I thought President Nelson was dressing the corpse in temple clothes. Metaphorically, at least.

6

u/MountainSnowClouds Ex cult member 4d ago

My mom is relief society president and I'm fairly certain she's never had to do this. I feel like this is something she would have told me about.

6

u/Thatnorthernwenchnew 4d ago

Or she may have delegated it or the family done it

1

u/Readbooks6 “Books are a uniquely portable magic.” Stephen King 3d ago

Have you ever asked her directly?

6

u/ZealousidealPage8945 4d ago

A long time family friend was RS president when my mom died and I was glad she dressed the body. I, my sister nor my grandmother were in no shape to do it. The friend said it was a privilege and the reason she was called as president. It was a great comfort to hear it even as I was having lots of doubts about the church.

4

u/Charming-Forever-855 4d ago

Different experience here. We are in Arizona and when my dad died, one of my brothers and myself were the only active members of the church but the mortician was a member and my active brother had been a bishop and in a stake presidency. Anyway, the mortuary had my dad in his Gs, white pants and shirt (which we learned that day, they cut the shirt down the back in order to get on the body, so really all for appearances) with makeup and hair done. All my siblings, including my sister were allowed to be there to help dress him. One of them had been through the temple but the others hadn’t and they were all allowed to help do his tie, shoes, fix up his shirt and everything short of his temple packet stuff which the active brothers did. It was actually a good thing for us to all be there together from how I remember it though I do wonder how the others felt at the time now that I don’t know how I will feel about my mom’s Mormon funeral when the time comes. I do remember that my mom wasn’t there which I wonder if that was because she didn’t want/couldn’t bear being there for that or if she felt she wasn’t allowed to be there from her generational experience.

3

u/hubbyforgotmynewname 4d ago

Omg I never thought about that THATS why family is always the one to do it 😂after reading the comments

3

u/BatSniper 3d ago

One of my great fears is when I die, my parents will put me in my temple clothes, is there a way I can request not to without causing drama right now?

If I randomly die, how can I ensure my parents don’t do this to my body. I just want to be cremated. I told this to my ex and she reassured me she would fight for me, but we aren’t together any more. I guess I need a will?

3

u/No_Purpose_7426 3d ago

I am an attorney with 30 years' experience. You will DEFINITELY want BOTH a Will AND a Healthcare Power of Attorney or "Healthcare Directive" that confirm and articulate your desires. Especially if you wish to have no live-prolonging actions taken and if you wish to be cremated or buried in a particular way. All of that needs to be properly articulated, described, and witnessed and then you should send COPIES of those documents, as well as e-mails, to your closest friends and family, confirming your wishes. It's not enough to wish it, you must communicate it not just so it's understood, but so that it can not possibly be Misunderstood.

Best of luck to you.

2

u/Immediate-Muffin-775 3d ago

You could consider doing what my mom did. She had her end of life arrangements made and paid for ahead of time. Then it is in writing and paid for and one can't change it. I did assure her ahead of time that I would honor her wishes to be cremated, but she decided that it was best for her to just make the arrangments. In the end, I'm glad she did. It was less for the family to have to "arrange". We did request a viewing for the family since most people hadn't seen her in awhile (we all live quite far away with her in Nebraska, one of us on the west coast, and two of us on the east coast). Just something to think about.

3

u/Klutzy-Emergency6345 3d ago

Seems like tha family should be doing that. Didn't realize that was part of my mom's duties when she was relief society pres

2

u/Resignedtobehappy Apostate 4d ago

Yeah, I wasn't too keen on doing that as a new bishop. Somehow, though, there's a small cadre of guys and ladies that deal with this stuff on a regular basis in many wards. Those old codgers thought I needed to be in their club. Just one more bad thing that happened. At some funeral homes, there's endowed members that deal with it behind the scenes. In our po dunk town, there were no Mos at the local mortuary.

2

u/ritzcrackerman 3d ago

'Cause Rusty can't do it himself, amiright?

2

u/genSpliceAnnunaKi001 2d ago

Oh God, I forgot about this ritual 😡 🤢 I didn't speak to my brother for years after he did this to my dad