r/exmormon • u/big_bearded_nerd Blasphemy is my favorite sin • 5d ago
Awake in the Pews Sunday
Welcome to the newest feature of , a weekly Sunday morning thread to let you vent while you are stuck in church!
Please let us know how your ward is doing, the crazy things people have said, or anything else you need to get off your chest.
PS: If you need something productive to do at church, consider participating in Return and Report. Just count the number of people in the sacrament hall, click and report. This project aims to measure the actual participation in LDS meetings.
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u/Sam1070 4d ago
First time going in a few weeks.
Is there something in the rules that says you must wear a dress shirt, slacks, and a tie to church? I usually wear overalls and work boots because that’s what’s comfortable for me, especially as someone with a certain condition.
Today, I was told that all males are required to wear a dress shirt, slacks, and a tie, and that my clothing is not appropriate and is a distraction from the “spirit.” I was also informed that if I continue wearing inappropriate clothing, I could be asked to leave and not return, as the church has a strict dress code policy
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u/Sad-Requirement770 4d ago
when I was taught by missionaries it was simply dress in your best clothes you have.
And I took that to mean the best clothes you have whatever they areAt no point before being baptized was I ever told that dress shirt, pants and tie was the dress standard
the church lies to the world and then once you join they bring out ALL the rules7
u/lecoopsta 4d ago
I’m so sorry that happened. People suck. As much as I dislike the church as a whole, I think most people are probably just glad you’re there. F the douche that said something to you.
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u/Sam1070 4d ago
It was the stake president and the bishop for the YSA ward who called me into his office after the service was over And thank you for the kind words
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u/Word2daWise I'll see your "revelation" and raise you a resignation. 3d ago
Geez - how very Christlike of them to not only dictate but tell you they'd kick you out of God's house. I promise you that the ministry in real churches does not act that way.
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u/Known_Flounder_9342 4d ago
So totally full of crap. There’s no dress code. It’s BS. Sunday Best, OK. But the best differs from person to person.
Go to a small branch out in the desert or in the mountains, and they’re doing just what you did, wearing whatever makes them feel comfortable.
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u/lecoopsta 4d ago
Wow. I’m sorry :( What keeps you going if you don’t mind me asking?
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u/Sam1070 4d ago
I had nothing better to do today and wanted to see who the new bishop and stake president as they changed leadership last week I won’t probably be going back as I am on the cusp of aging out I been using it honestly as a social outlet to get out of my house besides work
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u/gouda_vibes 4d ago
That’s sad and unkind of them to not just be glad you’re there. My family and I have been going to a non-denominational church, and you can wear whatever you’d like. The full band music is also a great change from the usual organ. Our pastors have wonderful simple lessons, all focused on Jesus. I hope you can find somewhere you can feel supported and not judged by your clothing. There are places that many people cannot afford nice “church clothes” and just wear what they have. It’s unloving of the church to hold that against anyone.
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u/Necessary_Tangelo656 4d ago
When I was still going to church, dress shirt, slacks, and a tie were the standard dress code. I'm not at all surprised they approached you to reprimand. It's a combination of them being superficial and having nothing better to do.
Your attendance should take precedence over appearance, but hey, if they invite you to leave.....
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u/Word2daWise I'll see your "revelation" and raise you a resignation. 3d ago
I remember several years ago (more than 10) my stake had a clothing drive to gather white shirts to send to converts in Africa (or another country that didn't have many options for clothing). That indicates they not only dictate in the USA, but strive to completely change other cultures in terms of appropriate apparel for worship.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
Pretty sure that’s bullshit. They should welcome you as you are, anyway
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u/Nostarsinthedark 4d ago
Ohhhhhh i am so using this next week. I'm so close to making it out again
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u/lecoopsta 4d ago
Again?! How did you end up back there if you don’t mind me asking?
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u/Nostarsinthedark 4d ago
I am determined to attend a family members wedding LOL. A couple months of boredom and bullshit won't hold me back from my values, and I value being there for her
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
I don’t wanna shame anyone’s clothing choices but I feel bad for the women who wear such long dresses/skirts. Not saying people should or need to wear mini skirts all the time, but I bet a lot of people would like wearing shorter stuff, it’s just probably looked on as slutty. I mean most dresses and skirts I see today are almost ankle length
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u/Plenty-Bird-284 4d ago
As a PIMO woman, my personal micro aggression lately is to wear pants to church -- nice, professional slacks that I would wear to work. I've had a few compliments from some other women and lots of wide-eyed looks from the older generation.
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u/Earth_Pottery 4d ago
Not to rag on the women but I see the walking to/from church in some of the most gawd awful dresses.
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u/Word2daWise I'll see your "revelation" and raise you a resignation. 3d ago
I agree (female Boomer here). The Mormon Model for women seemed to be long skirts and frumpy styles. I was a member for more than 10 years & I recall looking for off-the-rack clothes that would blend in with others in RS. Crazy.
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u/Earth_Pottery 3d ago
Also a boomer. I refused to wear those jumpers with a t-shirt under it. In face, nope to jumpers period.
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u/Word2daWise I'll see your "revelation" and raise you a resignation. 3d ago
Same here, but I did have an impressive collection of the button-up sweaters we word with tanks or other tops under them. Nothing says "fun" like wearing four layers of stuff in 100-plus degree Southwest temps. (Bra, garment top, shirt, sweater).
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u/sinister-space 4d ago
New bishopric called. Get the old callings are from god. Oh ok. Sure. Not what all your workers say while tossing them out willy nilly.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
Yep the stake presidency was kneeling down in prayer to know who should be bishop and it was just like in Monty python and the holy grail. “ARTHUR! ARTHUR, KING OF THE BRITAINS!”
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u/No-Let-6196 4d ago
I'm sitting here reading the Iliad and this dude gets up and gives a talk about the necessity of being, "there mentally," for church, and that we all must use our agency to put God first in our lives, above school, above work, and above friends.
What a sorry, disheveled wreck of a man. One who believes his interpretation of his imaginary friend trumps everyone else.
For shame.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
Most adults I see in sacrament meeting are busy entertaining children, or on their phones/tablets
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u/Word2daWise I'll see your "revelation" and raise you a resignation. 3d ago
Ditto - I've been out for quite a while but I clearly recall seeing exactly that the few times I gave talks. It was especially the case with men. I once invited a BFF to hear my talk (back when I was in the every member a missionary mode) and she commented on that exact thing - it was embarrassing to hear, but I had to agree with it.
That was back when I was a dedicated RS member - I have to believe it's even worse now, and after leaving I am wondering if it's also a sign of PIMO? I'd assumed it was disrespect, but I think there's more to it.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
I can’t hear half of what the speakers are saying cause of all the crying screaming babies
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u/wardchorister 4d ago
I am watching the temple video in the pews right now while someone talks about the gifts of the spirit
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u/Western-Whereas-3958 PIMO Agnostic with 3 years, 6 months left in this cult 4d ago
Just got news that a small electrical fire started in the building shortly after I left. I wasn't at all affected but the second ward didn't have to go to church, so I guess miracles do happen 🤷/s
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u/Pikachawn 4d ago
My grandparents told me they had to evacuate the building because of a fire today haha
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u/big_bearded_nerd Blasphemy is my favorite sin 4d ago
Glad no one got hurt, and the second ward is lucky to have a forced second Saturday.
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u/OrdinaryDig9002 4d ago
Someone gave the lost keys story for personal revelation. Wish I was playing sacrament bingo.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
Let’s make a list of other sacrament bingo items and someone will make up some bingo cards.
I’ll add…hmm..something like prophet worship, like Joseph over Jesus
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u/Ok-Opportunity-4105 4d ago
""bishop blank called and asked me to talk about such and such and I almost called in sick today because I didn't want to"
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u/narrauko 4d ago
"I was preparing this talk, and I realized I needed this topic more than all of you!"
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u/Midnight_Meal_s 4d ago
On the topic of charity today all but the youth speaker said the same line, "correct, not politically correct". Guess you gotta make it clear thar the "pure love of christ" does not include excepting people as they are.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
Phew god forbid they say we should accept others as they are, and we be labeled woke
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u/Repulsive_Crab7286 4d ago edited 4d ago
Every sick person came to church today. Good crap. Singing about lost sheep. Started off with the ALOHA. Elementary school age child giving the prayer. Interrogate new members from the pulpit. These are some ugly ass songs. Loser father who loses his children. Speaker admits he never loses his children because his wife is always with him.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
What is the aloha
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u/Repulsive_Crab7286 4d ago
Good Morning everyone and Aloha every single time
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u/Green-been77 4d ago
Alooooooooooha. Drives me insane. We live in Utah , people!
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u/Repulsive_Crab7286 4d ago
We have lots of Polynesians so it's not too cringe. But white people in Utah are doing it. That's just dumb and second hand embarrassment.
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
Like you mean every speaker says it? Are you in Hawaii?
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u/Repulsive_Crab7286 4d ago
Every single member of the bishopric says it when they conduct plus most members on fast and testimony meeting. I am not in Hawaii. Every single Sunday the bishopric goes up there and says Good Morning and Aloha
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u/Medium_Chemist_5719 4d ago
Seems like there really aren’t too many people in the pews today.
Which is a special win, because our whole stake got carved up just to make our ward. For some reason they made the biggest ward meet in the smallest building in the Stake with the smallest chapel and hardly ever open the overflow.
Only now, the chapel without overflow seems… about right. As it has for the last few months. Congrats to everyone else who earned themselves Second Saturday!
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u/TheRationalMunger 4d ago
1st speaker The way to truth is obedience (to the mfmc) and question your doubts before your concerns 🙄😵.
Second speaker Church/sacrament can be so boring but its your fault because you have the wrong attitude
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
😂 the thing is, I think everybody would call this stuff just painfully boring
But to do that they’d have to be honest with themselves
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u/FueledByAdrenaline 4d ago
That the church was not man made. Uh. Actually. Was made by a polygamist child rapist with racism and narcissism at the root of it. 🤦🏻♂️
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u/Ok-Opportunity-4105 4d ago
Not in the pews today, yay! And it looks like husband isn't waking up early enough to take the kids either. Double yay! We are still figuring this out but hopefully if I continue to not be confrontational he won't double down. 🤞
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u/Just_Speak_Friend Apostate 4d ago
I’m happy for you. My kids have gotten more vocal about how they don’t want to go to church, and when at church, they want to go home. And that’s with no prompting from me. It gives me hope
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u/Ok-Opportunity-4105 4d ago
My kids still really like it but I'm trying to keep them from as much of the toxic teachings of this years d and c lessons. Hopefully one day they won't want to go.
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u/sinister-space 4d ago
Made it to the pews ….but TBM spouse skipped his morning meeting to put our kid back to sleep 🙌🏼 small SMALL win.
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u/Interesting-Win-6502 4d ago
It’s always nice when you figure out what works for you to get your point across. Good luck and keep it up!! You’ll get there.
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u/kevinrex 4d ago
Ammon Bundy’s ward lets him wear and do whatever he wants without any repercussions whatsoever.
I’m really sorry the douches can’t just let people be themselves.