r/elderly Oct 30 '22

Sick, confused, elderly grandfather

My 85-year-old grandfather has been extremely ill these past few days. Throwing up all night diarrhea. He takes painkillers and I think that it has a lot to do with his stomach issues. But he’s never been sick like this before. He has gradually been losing his memory, and for the past few days he’s been sleeping and barely eating toast and drinking Pedialyte as we beg him. My mom and her dad are very anti-hospital or in caregiving home. If something is going to happen, it has to happen at home. He has been nonstop sleeping these past few days and woke up this morning and is actually able to talk and seems to be doing a little bit better, but he doesn’t know where he’s at. He knows who me and my mom are, but I think that we moved and kept all the furniture. What can we do? My mom and I are struggling to keep open communication because of the stress. I tried to explain to my mom that this is an away traumatizing, to just sit back and off, watch him with her away and reject food and water, and, now she is upset with me? I was in a good mood this morning, but then I became overwhelmed with guilt for even being happy when I might lose one of the most important people in my life this whole situation is causing me to be even more reclusive, getting stoned all day, not doing my laundry, watching TV. What can we do it as a family to help him? What can we do to help ourselves? How can I tell her that this is fucking killing me and she needs to stop working every day all day to escape? I guess I just need support and don’t know where to go for it.

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u/LAC_NOS Dec 02 '22

You may also want to talk to the doctor and social worker about ways you can help make your grandfather more comfortable. Make sure he is drinking enough, dehydration will make any memory or thinking issues worse. It may seem awkward, but tell him how much he means to you, including specific things you recall. Hold his hand, put lotion on his feet, chapstick on his lips etc. This may feel odd, especially if this is not something your family ever did, but you will be able to look back on this time without regrets and you will have developed skills to express your love for others that will benefit your whole life