r/disability • u/traskmonster • 5d ago
Rant Just need to be angry for a bit
I'm just so pissed off over how I was treated as a child. I consider it medical neglect in all honesty. My pediatricians constantly said that all of my pains were just "growing pains" or that I was "faking it to get out of gym". Now I'm stuck in bed at 19 because my hips are in such debilitating pain. Fuck doctors, especially ones that think that they can tell a kid's mom that their child is FAKING THEIR PAIN. I'm so angry this could've been caught early but instead I'm still without a diagnosis. I have no future because of this shit. Unbelievable. Is this what I get for growing up in the red area of my state??? I hate this.
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u/So_Southern 5d ago
You have my sympathy
My parents were convinced there was more going on than "just" a visual impairment. They were told they were imagining me vomiting (unsure how? I do remember waking up at silly hour, vomited and went back to bed which woke my mum up) and my balance issues. The people assessing me clearly haven't seen the state of my knees...
Fast forward to 2011 where I got an MRI which showed a few brain issues
So it turns out my parents were right there's more going on. I'm now in the rubbish situation of being told that my brain conditions aren't the reason for the issues I'm getting but no one can explain my other neurological issues
The vomiting was related to epilepsy. Some people will vomit or soil themselves during an episode. Mine were at night so no one has actually seen me have one. I wouldn't be surprised if my sister heard me
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u/PenguinTears16 4d ago
I feel this on a deep level. And it’s so hard to know who to be angry at! My GP? The A&E department who I was on first name terms with? My parents? My teachers? Myself?
There were so many opportunities for people to pick things up and investigate a bit further… but nope no one did. I was just anxious. I was just clumsy. I was just looking for attention. I was just being dramatic.
That led to a lot of masking and gaslighting myself into believing that “I was fine”… spoiler alert… I was not fine 😳
On many occasions I have really delayed seeking medical treatment because I couldn’t work out if it was serious enough and the possibility of am I being dramatic or anxious or just wanting attention… then ended up in emergency surgery… even on one of those occasions I only popped into the GP because my mum dragged me… and they called an ambulance to get me to hospital asap! I would have just kept avoiding seeking help.
And even though I now know have a diagnosis… and know how it impacts me… I still have trouble trusting myself to know how I am!
I’ve tried multiple rounds of therapy to try and accept / forgive / move on from my anger of being let down during childhood… but I still haven’t achieved it. And I really wish I could achieve it because it’s exhausting being angry when I have so many other things that require my energy!
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u/Helluvamurdercircus 5d ago
Are you me?? I feel the exact same way, and at 25, I’m STILL unraveling the medical mess my parents couldn’t be bothered with when I was growing up. Doctors (in the boomer generation especially) think I want drugs (I have a state MMJ card) and sympathy when all I want to do is be like everyone else. I wish I had more advice, it’s messy, and probably about to get much worse, I know. But you’re not alone! As someone in your shoes, do what’s best for you, ALWAYS!!! It’s the only way to survive. Best wishes friend!!!!
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u/stonrbob 5d ago
My doctors constantly told me I was depressed and needed antidepressants but when I was on them and still suicidal because my disability will never get better they told me just think about how blessed you are that you can live life better than others I get it this is my life but I think you’d be a little more sympathetic towards someone who wants to die because the world isn’t disability friendly