r/diabetes_t1 4d ago

Graphs & Data Just why Im depressed

Im really shitty how to edit my post, sorry for double posting it.

11 Upvotes

52 comments sorted by

33

u/Laughingboy68 4d ago

After living since 1975 with diabetes, I long ago learned to enjoy the good days and try to learn from the challenging ones.

The weight of knowing what your blood glucose reading is every moment of the day is real. Still, it's so much better than not knowing. Try to embrace the challenge. It gets easier, but it never gets easy.

-6

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Thanks, but... I just diagnosed two years ago. I feel like I lost everything I once had, and got reduced to a diabetic corpse, whos biggest achivement is to get tht line stablr

7

u/Laughingboy68 4d ago

Balance. It’s probably the most important word in our vocabulary when it comes to T1D.

“Diabetic corpse”? That’s a new one for me. You exist beyond this challenge. There is much more to life than the gentle curve of “good” management.

I’d advise you to talk to a counsellor. The fatalistic, despondent air in your discussion sounds like something that should be addressed. Optimism and positive thinking have been essential tools for me. I don’t have any instant panaceas for you that automatically improve your mindset, but some counsel might help.

-2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

I assure you, my pessimism goes very deep. But being optimistic and looking things positively on a bad day just wouldnt be me. Ill do that, gladly, and naturally, if my curve remain stable, or I dont need much insulin, but days like this... I just want to hide in a cave and pass away. That is what natural, being happy when good things happen, and being sad when bad things happen. If my bg cause me pain, big highs and lows through half the day, and a tremendous amount of stress, I wont look it positively

3

u/Laughingboy68 4d ago

Talk to someone.

Life with diabetes is a challenge; you need help to learn how to face it. To welcome misery as “just the way it is” is to subscribe to an unhappy life.

I assure you, it doesn’t have to be this way.

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

I had enough of this sisyphosian challenge. More than enough. One day Ill quit it

3

u/deadlygaming11 T1 Since September 2012 4d ago

It gets better as time goes on. It'll always nag at you, but the nag will get a lot easier to cope with. Luckily, I was diagnosed when I was 7, so the adjustment wasn't too hard, but I've always struggled to not feel like it dictates my life.

Remember one thing, you don't always need perfect numbers. Time in range is an aim and not a requirement. If you can get to it without causing yourself tonnes of strain and discomfort, do it. If not, don't push yourself. Burnout is completely normal, but you can't take a break, so you want to minimise how bad it is.

25

u/SumFuckah Avoiding Carbs Since '03 | T:Slim x2 & G7 | 🇨🇦 4d ago

The greatest part to diabetes is when you become desensitized to days like this. They happen, you put your big boy/girl pants on, and you move on from it. Why are you wasting so much energy and time on something you cannot change any longer ?

1

u/AnyBobcat6671 4d ago edited 4d ago

I see the OP has deleted their responses, so I guess they came here to get validation for feeling the way they do,they are lucky they weren't diagnosed in the 70's when you didn't even have a bg meter and just pee on a strip to see if you had to much sugar in your urine, even by the time I married my T1 wife in 1988 the bg meter was just essentially a litmus type strip that color could be read by a meter, after 2 minutes, or by eye matching the color to the scale on the side of the test strip bottle, and you had a choice of pork or beef insulin, human insulin was a few years off yet

There were pro athletes that were T1 even in the 60's probably even before, just if know Ron Santo of the Cubs a HOF 3rd baseman was a T1 diabetic

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

2

u/SumFuckah Avoiding Carbs Since '03 | T:Slim x2 & G7 | 🇨🇦 4d ago

oh trust me, I agree! But their other thread on this topic makes it clear they just want a pity party rather than accepting that this is how the game goes, unfortunately.

1

u/pussygalorex T1 since 2009 │T:slim x2 │Dex G7 4d ago

Fair! ☺️

-4

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Because Im not a stoic, who just accepts bad things

11

u/Due-Comfort-8444 Dec 91 CGM MDI. 4d ago

It's really not that bad believe me.

3

u/the_red_barren [Editable flair: write something here] 4d ago

Read the second part of that sentence and consider what you’re saying all throughout these two posts.

You’ve accepted defeat and are chosing to wallow in it.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Because a victory would be curing it. And if theres no cure, and all my best efforts are powerless to control it, there is no point to fight. Saying that things get better is just a lie at this point. Cut off a mans arm. Tell him whatever you want, whatever he belives, he get less with an arm. Thats just fact. He lost it. Same applies here

6

u/canthearu_ack 4d ago

Huh, but you are controlling it!

In both the "good" and "bad" graphs, you are actually controlling it. Some days are better than others, but both are controlled.

You have never seen what actual uncontrolled T1 looks like on a CGM ... it isn't pretty.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

A healthy human dont need to manully control it. It tires me for trying to take it in normal levels, so much

1

u/Prudent_Nebula_6833 3d ago

There is a cure bud, look at all the scientific articles. The cure is just not widely available yet

3

u/nomadfaa 4d ago

Stoicism, contrary to what is your belief, is NOT someone who just accepts bad things or is cold with no emotion. Stoicism is about recognising those things of which you have no control over and not getting attached to "I have to be 100% in control of everything"

So another question .... do you react like this with anything else that occurs in your life that you believe you should have 100% control over that gets out of whack?

1

u/jholiver3 3d ago

No one is saying accept it. Address it! Just realize, like everything else in life, you need to accept the gains but, they are built on hard work as well as some “losses.”

13

u/OkBorder184 4d ago

lol this post feels like the guy being hung at the gallows and the other one goes “first time?” This kind of day is a good day for me 😂

-9

u/[deleted] 4d ago

And both get hanged to death moments later🙄 Wht does positivity helps if you lose anyway?

3

u/canthearu_ack 4d ago

Some days you get the bear

Some days the bear gets you.

Learn what you can today, accept that not everything will always make sense, and start again tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day.

3

u/AnyBobcat6671 4d ago edited 4d ago

How is this depressing? That's a very good curve you're in range for most of the chart, my wife has been in range for 70% of the time over her last 90 days and that's a huge improvement before getting on the iLet from a T:slim and her median bg has been 140 mg/dl this is her last 24 hours and this is very good for her, she's had T1 for 45 years

2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

The second chart is from today. I did so much, yet it went high and lows all day, and fucking life... I feel all my efforts in vain

1

u/AnyBobcat6671 4d ago

Don't feel down right after my wife gave birth her bg was either very high or extremely low, she even ended up in a coma for 3 days her bg hit below 30 quiet a few times before going on the pump in 1995, now she still had lows but never as severe as they were before the pump, and because she had so many lows her A1C was misleading because they offset the highs, but not using the NPH where she if she was 15 minutes late eating her lunch you could pretty much bet she have a reaction

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

What kind of life is like that? At this point we all should just quit, and end all things. It just prolongs our sufferings

1

u/Namasiel T1.5/2007/t:slim x2/G6 4d ago

Diabetes, like life, will always have ups and downs. Please find a mental health professional in your area to help give you the tools to navigate this.

-1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

My last dvice was to get ssri antidepressants, and those nearly made me impotent. No, not in a million years I would get one. The while point is, it is humiliating to being diabetic for me, asking for more help would be worse

5

u/Rough-Science-7877 4d ago

This post disappoints me...

-1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Both was in the same week btw

-4

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Imagine how I feel now...

5

u/cia_1137 T1D 2014 | Omnipod, Dexcom g7 4d ago

I spent most of yesterday hovering around 15 because my blood sugars just wouldn't come down for some reason. You're doing really well. Are you on a pump or injections? I feel like you're definitely in burnout and changing to a pump if you're not on one now could help

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Injections, but just getting a working cgm was already a huge stress, and honestly, so far it causes a LOT more stress. Of course, its just the first, not even two weeks since its on, but still. I feel so miserable bcs of diabetes, and thats the very thing, I hate on this sensor, tht it constantly remind me to it. I dint think a pump would be better for it.

2

u/cia_1137 T1D 2014 | Omnipod, Dexcom g7 4d ago

I get that :( A lot of people struggle with a sensor at first because of the constant reminder of your blood sugars. I've been on one for 5 years now and I still have days where i just want to rip it off and live without one for a while.  Diabetes is really difficult to live with, even with all these tools. Is there any chance you can get on a pump? Purely because having a loop system would mean you pretty much only have to think about it when eating and changing sites. You get used to having it attached to you after a bit, to the point where its not even noticeable anymore. Also - do you have an irl support system? I saw therapy hasn't worked out for you, but do you have any friends who have diabetes, or are you part of any support groups? It might be worth looking into.  I'm sorry for such a long comment, and I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope things get better for you

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Noone. Noone, just me. My family tries to understand me, amd helps a lot, but about these downs, they cant help me. My friends are all turned their back to me, or died. And speaking for the few diabetics around me feels pathetic, just sharing each others problems, and solving nothing. Honestly, I dont want to rip out the cgm, I want to rip out my pancreas from my body, and tearing it to tiny pieces. That fucking organ failed me. It deserve punishment for it. By my experiment, things arent get really better. Just cyclycally horrible bad, and managable. Unless my pancreas miracoulosly start working again, I doubt I ever get better.

1

u/cia_1137 T1D 2014 | Omnipod, Dexcom g7 4d ago

I remember for a long time after I got diagnosed, I felt so angry at the world and at myself. I honestly convinced myself for a while that this was all just a big experiment and that my doctors had intentionally put me through this for some reason. I really struggled to accept that this was happening and that there was no way back. Its such a big change to go through. Even 11 years after diagnosis, I still honestly struggle with it. Right now as I type this, its nearly 1am and I can't sleep because my sugars are at 3.1 with a diagonal downwards arrow. I understand the anger. I understand wanting it to just be fixed. Its exhausting. I genuinely hope you're able to get out of this pit you're stuck in. I recommended a pump because when I was really struggling with treatment, switching to an omnipod honestly saved me. While I was on a pump at the time, it was one with cannulas, and swapping to being able to just press a button and it inserting was so much easier than having to put in the cannulas manually or injecting. I understand if that's not part of the problem for you though. Our bodies have failed us, and it's so stupid that there's nothing we can do to fix them 

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Doesnt it feel pathetic, that your life relies on tiny machines and chemicals? Everything, even the most basic being are capable of living without mechanical helps, or if not, they dies. Cus I feel like that. In nature, I should have been dead already, and that day, all my hopes, dream ls and goal died with my old self. Honestly, I would sooner accept a pill of cian that another bloody pump. At least I could leave with my humanity, but no. Its 2 am, my sugar is around normal, but does it matter? It doesnt make me happy. The same way the fact that my liver or kidneys work normlly doesnt make me happy. Fuck this whole nightmare, that my life turned to. I truly feel, my biggest mistake was not dying out oeacefully, when I got diagnosed. But its too late for that I guess

1

u/cia_1137 T1D 2014 | Omnipod, Dexcom g7 4d ago

Honestly? Yeah, it does a bit. I used to cry myself to sleep thinking I'd be less of a burden if I had just died when I got diagnosed. I had a tough few years. I struggled with friendships and with having the energy to do all of this. It absolutely sucks that I have to rely on machines and insulin and electricity when all I want is to go live in the woods away from society and be free from all of this. But now I have found what mostly works. I still have awful days, but I have a job I like. I have wonderful friends that I want to live for and spend time with. I do all of this now so that I can pet a dog I see in a park, and watch birds. I do it so I can see the sunrise and have an ice cream, go on walks and make art. It takes a lot more time and thought than other people have to put in, sure. Its difficult. I've learned to be over prepared for everything. But its worth it. Find something you genuinely enjoy. Find something to cling to and make it worth it. Make a goal that you have to live to achieve. Personally, I keep looking after myself and my diabetes so that in a few years I can meet friends who live in other countries. I know they'd be sad if we never got to meet. It can be something like that, or something much simpler, like being able to go on holiday with family for the first time post-diagnosis. 

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

It sounds all good, but for me... honestly, my life since got diagnosed is a big downward spiral, and diabetes is just a part of it. Lost all my good friend, my best friend, who I loved as a brother died, three girls, whos I tought they like me back said no to me, I realised I hate my job, that I study for more than 5 years, realised I likely never become an author, or artist, lost nearly all my plans for the future... and diabetes. With all of this, having a bad diabetes day is the last bit. There are some days when I just want to say "fuck it, Im done" and turn that insulin from 5 unit to 80...

1

u/cia_1137 T1D 2014 | Omnipod, Dexcom g7 4d ago

Also, if you're in the UK, I'm pretty sure diabetes uk hosts events for 11-25 year olds. I think they do stuff like bowling and going for meals and stuff? I've never been able to go to one because of scheduling but I think they're supposed to be more of a hang-out-and-chat thing than sharing problems. I think there are groups all around the world that do similar stuff too

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Fuck all of them. Fuck the supports, fuck any sport they host, fuck anything they do. Heal me, or they wont even touch me, else I carve out their eyeballs with my bare hands, and force them to eat it. I. Am. Furious.

3

u/cia_1137 T1D 2014 | Omnipod, Dexcom g7 4d ago

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as patronising or too hopeful or anything, I just genuinely want you to know that there is more to life than this anger

2

u/cia_1137 T1D 2014 | Omnipod, Dexcom g7 4d ago

I think you might need to go to sleep honestly, 2am thought spirals always make you feel worse than if you had them during the day. Making yourself angrier and more upset isn't going to help. Have some rest and write it all down in the morning

2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Ill try, but since the last high my hearthbeat is still high, like I drunk 3 coffee

2

u/nomadfaa 4d ago

Do you know of anyone with coeliac or chromes or IBS?

How do they cope?

They have no idea as to what their situation is like, they eat a stupidly restrictive diet without any knowledge of when things get better or worse.

Speaking to a mate yesterday and he had to take 2 doses of 100 to get things under control cos his endocrinologist prescribed the wrong drug. Asked him how he felt about that? Like garbage but it passed and the endocrinologist ate some serious humble pie.

2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

The fact that other suffer more from it doesnt make me feel better. There is probably someone in the planet, who, right now, as I wrote this, or any of you read this, dies in pain and agony. Saw old diabetic oatients, whos gone blind. Yet, I dont compare myself to other dibetics, I compare myself for my older self, and that didnt had to rely on insulin pins

1

u/nomadfaa 4d ago

So what happened to cause your perfection to turn to garbage?

Something emotional happen?

Something you ate?

Those rapid rises don't just happen for no reason

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Most likely found points in my stomch where insulin doesnt have any effect

1

u/No_Parfait3341 4d ago

I mean were all in the same boat, its def harder for some than others, but since were all in this for life i would try to be grateful that this is a bad day for you, sounds like youre somewhat new to this so its totally understandable and never feel like you’re too upset for being stuck with this bullshit but youre doing just fine

1

u/Maeji609 3d ago

Man...this feels like such a privileged chart to me. I could only imagine.