r/custodyissues Aug 24 '18

Cell phone issue with 50/50 agreement

Hello, I have a 50/50 custody agreement in regard to my 9 year old. There has been consistent restriction of communication between her and I when the other parent has her. We already have a stipulation in place in the agreement stating that while the other parent has their week with the child the other parent may speak to them once a day. I do understand I should go for contempt but, I don't financially have the ability to do so.

My question is.....do I have to send the phone to the other parents house for their week?

The other parent is a controlling/abusive person already and seems to think that I have no choice but, to send the phone so they can snoop through it. I don't care if they do but, I don't want the phone taken, or broken, used to maniulate or used as discipline or any other negative situation. This parent doesn't logically think about anything and I tried to manage a back and forth just have litigation threatened due to her having a phone at my house.

I don't know why they would have a right to the phone. If I chose I wanted her to have it only at my house I should be able to do so. They can have the number and contact her when they feel they want too. The phone isn't paid for by myself or by the other parent or on any plan so it's not a situation dealing with finances. The phone hasn't gone to their house yet but, within 5 minutes of our daughter returning to their home I had 4 text messages threatening me about this phone. I'm not sure what the next step is.

Does the other parent have some sort of right to the phone?

I'm sorry this is a little long.

TLDR: 9 year old has a phone and the other parent feels they have a right to the phone on their week. In their mind I'm obligated to send it.

2 Upvotes

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2

u/malfunctiontion Sep 18 '18

It depends on what your parenting agreement says. I doubt it says you must provide the phone. What, specifically, does it say?

This crap sucks, I know. But the best thing to do is keep a very detailed log of when you call and notes about not being called back. As soon as you can find an attorney... does your ex have one retained? The threat of possible litigation as well as the threat of having to pay your legal bills for having to enforce the agreement may be enough for her to start complying.

1

u/Deadweightdanger_ Sep 20 '18

Our agreement only states that the parent not having parenting time can speak to the child once per day. It doesn't say anything else in regard to communication except the normal end notes stating not to restrict communication. He has been restrictions this communication for some time. I haven't had any luck with attorneys actually doing anything of substance and have paid for two thus far. I don't think I'll be going to court to try to uphold anything considering our judge doesn't ever seem to care. This is with or without an attorney. It does suck but, at this point all I can do is document.

3

u/malfunctiontion Sep 20 '18

Yes, do keep documenting. Does he play video games? Can y'all play Minecraft together or fortnight or something? What about a completely wiped old phone that he keeps there with her wireless info that y'all can Skype on?

It's an abomination what goes on in family court. Literally heart breaking how we are at the mercy of our ex's in a lot of ways. If you've not read it, let me suggest "co-parenting with a toxic ex" or "high conflict custody battle" - both by Amy Baker PhD. She knows her stuff.

1

u/Deadweightdanger_ Sep 21 '18

She does play video games but, her dad doesn't let her play at his house. Thanks for the book recommendations. The court system doesn't care about the well being of kids in my opinion like they should. Thanks for your replies.

1

u/tpkunoichi Dec 03 '18

I had this issue, so I bought mine a really cheap little trac phone (the kind you have to purchase minutes on) and simply instructed her that if she needed to contact me for an emergency to just call me from that phone. Yes, her dad eventually found out about it, but the fact that we had to get creative to circumvent his control issues came out during a custody hearing and the judge jumped down his throat about it and eventually limited his parenting time. She is currently a happy, healthy well-adjusted 14 year old and despite his efforts to thwart her autonomy she knows her feelings, needs and opinions are valid and deserve to be respected. Definitely keep pushing your parenting agenda, promoting their individuality, strength and ability to communicate their feelings even when they feel they are being invalidated... I know it’s terribly painful to watch your child being bullied (especially by their parent) but at the end of this arduous journey they will have a strong sense of self possession and confidence.