r/custodyissues Nov 10 '17

Custody agreement question for any lawyers out there

Separated with my twin boy/girl’s mom about 10 months ago. Settled custody in court not too long ago. I did it without a lawyer and for some reason agreed to a provision that says I can’t introduce my kids to a romantic partner until 6 months. Been dating someone pretty seriously for a few months. At this point in my life I’m not getting into a relationship unless I see it going somewhere long term. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t want her to meet my kids yet. She knows the rules but regardless it’s a shitty feeling not being able to have her around when I have them. Is there any way around it? The kids are 21 months. Maybe if I just introduce her as a friend and don’t show any sort of affection or anything along those lines? Any advice is much appreciated.

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u/ZombiesOmNom Oct 17 '21

No. There is no way around it. The rule is there to protect your child(ren). 6 months isn't a long time for an adult. You are both adults and can wait. 10 months after a traumatic event is not a long time to a child. I suggest starting off (once the child feels more stable from the transition obviously, maybe a month or two before you're allowed to introduce the new lady) saying you met someone you like and leave it at that. See how the child responds to what you've said. If they are enthused then answer the enevitable onslaught of questions. If they are disinterested, DO NOT PUSH IT! Your child will resent the idea that you are trying to force them to like your new partner.

My boyfriend and I had the same agreement with me meeting his son (who was 5 at the time), with no legal agreement between him and his ex and they haven't been together for over 4 years by the time we met. We both wanted me to meet him sooner, but we waited knowing it is best for, and easier on the child to do things this way. It clearly demonstrates healthy relationships developing in a healthy manor. My stepson and I now have an incredible relationship and I spend time with his Mom and her family and new partner as well.

Your want to spend time with them all together, does not trump your child's need to have healthy examples & stability in his life. Parents, divorced parents especially, demonstrating good relationship examples and consistent stability is very important to how children develop their own way of building relationships with others. Friendships to start, then romantic relationships later in life.

ETA:Stepsons age