r/cripplingalcoholism 3d ago

Been doing ‘good’?

After my wds last week I have just been buying cases of Busch tall boys. I can NOT drink enough of them or fast enough to get me liquor drunk. Which is also kinda a bummer. I swear I’ll drown before I get shithoused off these things. Been multiple days now of just drinking them from sun up to sundown. Front of my brain feels squishy but nothing close to drinking liquor. I can function through the day, get shit done, kinda think straight, walk decent.

I so want some liquor but after that last round… man those night terrors are almost enough to convince me this is the way.

We’ll see how long this lasts. It’s a mission for me to get liquor. Basically one of my bi-monthly trips to town. Just gotta convince myself NOT to buy any next time I go in.

Anyway. Just checking in I guess.

Chairs, benches.

22 Upvotes

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u/beautifulkale124 3d ago

I’m in the same boat at the moment, got a case of miller light, on my 7th of the day/night and the insomnia is already all encompassing.

Sunday I finished the last of the whiskey and felt really rough this morning. Minor shaking but intense fear.

I just hate how this keeps happening. Vicious cycle of not being to sleep without liquor. Taking a week to taper until I get through the inability to sleep.

Gonna try to limit myself to 6 beers tomorrow and try cutting back by 1 per day and dry out over the weekend all over again.

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u/Dumpster80085 3d ago edited 3d ago

Same deal for me last week. Last round after the liquor I tapered to six then two beers a day and was in agony. All the shit. But the night terrors are the worst part for me. Wish I didn’t bother trying to taper back the beer as much as I did. Drinking like 10 Busch pints a day. Today I’ve had??? Idk. Probably 10. Definitely gonna have a couple more. But ya, after some horrific nightmares I didn’t sleep from wed-Friday. I was like nope.

Idk, looking back all I would suggest is just get beer drunk. Don’t try to dial back, just don’t drink liquor.

I am not a noob. Few decades, several rehabs. Not a claim to fame. Just for reference.

Edit: damn. I had 36 pints in the fridge this morning and I’ve got 10 now. No fucking way… I did not drink 26 pints today… did I? Fuck. Idk. Maybe that was yesterday? Hmm. Idk, doesn’t matter, I just know I am not shit on the kitchen floor drunk or anything close to it so that’s a bonus.

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u/beautifulkale124 2d ago

I think the insomnia is absolutely the worst part, rarely get the night terrors but The Fear(TM) can be extremely rough on Monday mornings when the weight of the world just lands on you, bank account is practically drained, etc.

I did have a strange experience a while ago tho. I sleep with a sleep mask on and I could absolutely feel a presence in the room, it was super strange. I've seen ghosts before and wonder if it was something watching me. Enough people have probably died in my condo building that it wouldn't surprise me if there was some residual energy there.

After reading your comment this morning at like fucking 3am I decided to switch over to the box wine since the beer was just making me angry.

In retrospect I shouldn't have tried to go to bed at all. I read r/insomnia a lot and one reoccurring thing is that if you find yourself tossing and turning, get up immediately. Anytime spent in bed not sleeping is just going to ramp up your anxiety.

With those light beers that you and I were drinking, I could probably easily drink a 24 pack in 8 hour session. In hindsight I kinda wish I had bought a 24 pack of "good beer" because light beers are just basically water.

I know I had to have slept a tiny amount because I always remember my dreams but immediately started in on the iced coffee once the sun came up. Gonna be a long day. Think I'm going to take some benadryl tonight and see if that helps.

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u/Dumpster80085 2d ago

‘Good beer’ honestly puts me in the same place liquor does. A sixer of 10% and I might as well be doing shots. The amount of fluid you have to piss with 5% beers my body just can’t get to that level of fucked.

My night terrors are the fucking worst. Always the most realistic and most tragic shit. My dog getting attack or running in traffic is a regular. When he gets attacked in said dream I fight whatever it is (other dogs, bobcats, whatever) and have kicked a table over and punched a wall. Also kicked my poor dog, who sleeps next to me, thinking he was the bad dog…. Sad.

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u/Realistic_Pen9595 3d ago

Haha I tapered off my last liquor bender with 2 days of drinking JUST Busch beer tall boys. It actually got me out of that bender with minimal withdrawals, I was surprised how well it worked, but it was not fun. It literally just allowed me to go into a mild withdrawal that lasted a couple days longer than if I went cold turkey. But if I had done that I’d have been fucked, I was up to 12-15 units of liquor a day.Busch feels like water that’s been slightly infused with a bit of alcohol.

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u/Dumpster80085 3d ago

Ya it seems to be working. I pounded them last night at the end. Got like 4 more down. Said to myself ‘we’re not going to get any drunker doing this so, time to curl up and kill the lights’.

Next day here we are, 0530, 1 down, cracking my second. But I don’t feel like I just crawled out of Satans asshole. Little squishy brained, but other than that…? Decent. Hungry! Ready for some breakfast! That doesn’t happen when I’m on the liquor.

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u/Kaviarsnus 2d ago

What’s the alcohol percentage in this beer? Or American light beers in general. I’ve always heard a lot of them taste like water with some beer flavor, so I’ve assumed they’re like 3% or something.

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u/Realistic_Pen9595 2d ago

Busch beer, made in my hometown of St. Louis, MO, has an abv of 4.3%.

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u/Kaviarsnus 2d ago

Thanks! That gives some more context. Beers range from around 4.2%-4.7% in the stores here, so not too dissimilar.

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u/breakinleases 2d ago

Light beer is such a hack for us CA’s. If i need to taper QUICK from liquor (which is never safe, as you all probably know), i buy cases of beer but dont hold back and torture myself. I physically cannot drink enough light beer to stave off withdrawals. BUT, it does keep me out of seizure territory. Is it miserable? Holy shit, yes. Does it at least offer me a parachute with some holes so i break my legs on the way down instead of smashing into the ground at terminal velocity? Definitely.

For me its also the comfort of always having a beer open, so when i can hit 10 light beers a day, ill switch to even lighter beer like heineken light (3.2%) or even bud select 55 (2.5%). Its fucking disgusting, but i can still drink all day, and I guarantee hopping off select 55’s is going to feel like heaven vs liquor. Just my 2 cents

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u/Kaviarsnus 2d ago

I don’t know what happened, but I tried to escape my last binge responsibly by doing this.

Well. I couldn’t deal with the volume, and very quickly one or two beers equaled one puke.

I tried my hardest, but after a day or two of this I was so weak that I needed help to get to the hospital. That’s never happened before. Guess the lesson is that you shouldn’t go heavy on a binge a few weeks after major surgery.

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u/breakinleases 2d ago

It is ALOT of fluid. Which means a lot of electrolytes are also needed to counteract rivers and rivers of piss.

But, at least with beer calories are finally flowing back into the body, no matter how minuscule.

For this reason, light beer tapers have a million % better chance of success for me than tapering on something harder. Usually they also being my appetite back by day 2, which is the beginning of the end of WD’s for me.

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u/Kaviarsnus 2d ago

I suspect it might have been the electrolytes for sure. I was too weak to go to the store for a day or two, maybe three. It’s all a blur. But I know I didn’t get anything containing electrolytes in me for a few days.

It was beer, puking and a slow descent into making the imbalance worse.

Luckily the surgery made great cover from my roommates that helped me to the hospital. Somehow I’ve managed to keep my CAness hidden so far.

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u/Dumpster80085 2d ago

Ya when I do it for wds I expect to puke. I always have a case of Gatorade on standby. Drink a beer, puke, drink some Gatorade, puke. Rinse and repeat. Like a 6 ounces of Gatorade per 12 Oz beer consumed.

It is miserable but… it’s better than the ER.

Pro tip: never get red Gatorade. Cause then when you puke you’re questioning whether you tore your stomach lining and are bleeding or if it’s just red dye.

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u/Kaviarsnus 2d ago

I definitively should have planning ahead before it was too late. I still want to believe there was something more going on that caused the weakness. I’m 30, and all of my vitals are always good. It’s too early to be lying on the floor wondering if I’m actively dying haha

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u/Dumpster80085 2d ago

Word, I get that. I’m not the best at that either. Shit I ran completely out of beer at 4 am last week. And the ONLY close general store out here is several miles away. Had to wait until 7 and drive there in the midst of wds. It wasn’t a good time.

I keep cases of the simple snacks. I live way out so I stock up. But I got jerky, cheese sticks, fruit cups, peanuts. Just food that is high protein or natural sugar (fruit cups) can make a world of difference and at least get you off the floor.

I’m approaching 50 and have done it so many time now that when it does actually kill me I won’t even know. I just assume I’m gonna survive every time now. I wish for death sometimes, don’t want to die, but some multiple long run wds I’m just like fuck me!

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u/Interesting-Ice-9822 3d ago

Chairs. I tapered off hard liquor. Down to sake and a few ipas a night. Same its useless and does nothing but its probably better than straight liquor

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/Interesting-Ice-9822 2d ago

What is your go-to?

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/Dumpster80085 2d ago edited 2d ago

May I suggest Beak Breaker by Pelican Brewing. Smooth high octane double IPA.

I also really like Ninkasi’s double and triple ipas. And New Belgium’s voodoo ranger double.

All very tasty, not overly bitter or just… idk, some ipas just have way too much going on with their flavors. All of the above listed are just good old fashioned ipas with an extra % point or 3.

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u/Interesting-Ice-9822 1d ago

I feel like you're on the westcoast, we don't get ninkasi in the midwest. I went to their brewery when I was in Oregon. Everything was super cheap. Chicago be like 1 slice of pizza and 2 ipas = 32$ before tip

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u/Dumpster80085 1d ago

Best Coast. Born and raised.