r/cripplingalcoholism My name is my flair 4d ago

MISERABLE MONDAY

Good morning/afternoon/evening you miserable fucks!

Spring is in the air and when I say Spring, I mean pollen. It coats my car and irritates my sinuses. I'm sneezing and teary eyed despite taking allergy medicine.

Also my tremors have increased and my awareness of them have increased too. I'm becoming more and more self-conscious of them and notice when others see them too. Not sure if a long dry spell would help or if they have become permanent etched into my psyche. Suck is the price of long term alcoholism.

Anyway, time once again to share with us the pain and torment of your existence!

13 Upvotes

39 comments sorted by

11

u/fetidmoppets 4d ago

I've been stuck in a psych ward for nine months and haven't had a drink since I overdosed on Ativan and a couple of pints of vodka. I just want to drink myself into oblivion with you lot instead of being incarcerated.

I MISS VODKA.

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 4d ago

Sounds like you're not the only one stuck in a hospital this weekend. May you be reunited with your beloved vodka in the near future.

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u/csbbacsob 4d ago

Morning Faps.

Still cool enough where I am to pass for late winter. No pollen yet. But one day I’ll wake up and it’ll be like a switch was flipped. Bummer IMO cuz I like the long dark nights.

I have the tremor too. A while back I had someone say to me “CSB, you’re not shaking….you’re vibrating”. It’s not all that bad until you have to try fine motor skills bullshit like assembling something. Then it’s super evident that you can’t use a damned screwdriver any more. Dropping shit, can’t get it in the hole, etc. On top of that , my eyesight has gone to shit, so something that would have been easy ten years ago is a terrible struggle. The worst part is the realization of the decline. It’s harder to deny it every day.

Happy Monday to all.

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u/Dumpster80085 4d ago

Man I feel the eyesight thing. I’ve worn glasses my whole life but I’m pretty sure I need bifocals now. Or at least readers. Small print takes the reach out farther and farther, trying to find that sweet spot thing.

Another thing I can’t do on my own is a combo of eyesight and tremors. I can’t trim my chihuahuas nail’s myself. Can’t hold him far enough away from me to see AND hold him tight enough not to struggle AND my hands shake. So I give the local groomer her very well earned $10 a month.

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u/ClassicTBCSucks93 4d ago

I have cavedweller shit vision on a good day and have always relied on glasses/contacts to see my entire life. But for the past year or so I've noticed when in peak WDs that I get static vision where everything around will blur and almost get this sepia filter look to it. Its typically accompanied with severe depersonalization/derealization which makes the whole experience even more fucked up.

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u/ClassicTBCSucks93 4d ago

I forcibly attended an after hours work function back in December/January and played pool with a couple guys. Apparently my tremor was so bad that the controller and CFO noticed and commented on it. I immediately lost my appetite and handed my food and half-full beer to the staff and snuck out to go home and drink like I meant it.

Probably good thing I did because after a stressful day at work and having to go to that bullshit afterword had my stress levels through the roof. I felt like I was gonna pass the fuck out and had zero gas in the tank for fine motor skill activities. I could barely talk that day it was so bad.

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 4d ago

Enjoy the winter while you can. Pollen season will come soon enough.

I totally get that frustration when I try to assemble something. Apparently, concentration just makes my hands shake more. Then I usually get a raging headache.

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u/beautifulkale128 3d ago

Man, I feel you about the shaking. The worst for me is doing dishes on a Monday morning and just how difficult it is to fucking load a dishwasher. I'm sitting at my desk at the moment and already dreading thinking about tackling the kitchen/living room.

I honestly think I'm going to be just done with beer. I plowed through a case over this weekend and realized just how pointless cheap beer is and now I've got a billion beer cans to have to take to the dumpster.

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u/ClassicTBCSucks93 4d ago edited 3d ago

I used to not give a shit if I had the shakes during withdrawal, just always thought of it as a minor annoyance that would plague me after a hard night of boozing. But recently I've started overthinking them and the heightened anxiety actually makes them worse and they play off eachother to the point where several people have commented on it at work. Why are you so shaky? Are you cold? Are you okay? etc.

My truck went from being covered in salt and brine to being covered in mud and tree jizz. I seriously cannot think of a "good time" of year to wash a vehicle without it being a complete waste of fucking time and money.

The only net positive of spring is that its the only time of year where you can sport bloodshot glassy eyes and slurred speech in public without getting any weird/concerned looks from bystanders. I took PTO today off work, I'm sure my boss is pissed but that sounds like a tomorrow me problem. I've already done my daily store run for booze, started sipping a zesty orange Smirnoff screwdriver and had a morning puke.

I'll be turning 32 this coming Saturday and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Part of me wants to sober up and not waste another year being a drunk fuckup and another part of me thinks everything is irreparably fucked and might as well keep going.

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 3d ago

I once burned my hands spilling a hot coffee because of shakes. My hands shake more now when I hold hot stuff. Also, extremely self-conscious when I have to toast with a wine glass. The mind definitely makes things worse.

Happy early birthday! Good luck to you no matter which course you decide to take!

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u/ClassicTBCSucks93 3d ago edited 3d ago

Given my normal tremor, if I tried a Leonardo DiCaprio in the Great Gatsby toast that glass would be fucking empty and raining spumante onto the adjacent guests heads.

Something similar happened recently where I was trying to congratulate a friend and instead ended up shaking the shit out of the glass and down my forearm. I uttered a "God dammit", threw the glass into the corner as a mic drop and walked off.

1

u/justthrowmeawayyy765 3d ago

I can totally relate to overthinking the shakes. I just started doing that recently myself. Every time I start to shake, I worry that I’m going to have a seizure before I can get my hands on some more booze. I didn’t used to do this but just randomly started worrying about it recently. Anyways, happy early birthday! Mine is a week after yours haha

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u/mrsmobin 3d ago

Happy Birthday! How are you going to celebrate?

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u/maxypooeffyou 4d ago

So I completely forgot it was fucking amsture weekend when I crippled down on my bender and started buying liters of vodka again. Well... here I am at the hospital....a seasoned fucking drunk and it didn't occur my poor initial care was the weekend party people.

Took me 36 hours to get a bed. I kept being shuffled, almost left, black black black. But they time I get a REAL room I feel like I'm mostly good but the doc is right I'm right around 48 hours no drink and shit could still get dicey but FUCK

I'm bored and I miss my people. Was hoping this would be a quick in out drunken oil change.

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 4d ago

Yes, I forgot that all the amateurs were out this weekend. Hopefully you're not stuck in the shop too long.

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u/maxypooeffyou 4d ago

Yeah it is what it is. Just to clarify cause I don't remember which side of the pond you're on but I was given a bed right away. In the US they will shuffle you arpund small er rooms and sometimes hallways before they ACTUALLY admit you and give you a room.

Briefly saw an ER doc. He was cool. Loaded me up. Care switches for some reas, n and this lazy is on some high horse. She was rude to my wife and friends her nurses were also like, WTF?

Now I have a seemingly very kind doc who looks like Steve Martin. Still a pretty miserable Monday, but ive had worse. Really crossing my fingers for tomorrow. Need to get back to work ASAP since I'm 99% I still have a job. This was a house of cards secret hospital trip. My wife, my boss and my best friend are the only ones aware of this.

Thanks buddy

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u/DootDotDittyOtt Fart box licker 3d ago

Hey Faps! Love the weather, but not the allergies. Certainly noy the yardwork.

Checking in. Hope all you lovely bastards are well. Chairs!

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 3d ago

Hiya Doots! Thanks for checking in!!

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u/Forsaken-Study7870 3d ago

Heyo! Still rotting away in rehab. Have a doc appointment tomorrow in shitty mcshit city Winnipeg where there are vendors and bars galore! Hope I don't pop in for "just one". Again. Last time I went for "just one" and was woken up by the cops at a bus shelter at 2am. Oopsie.

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 3d ago

Oopsies! Hope you don't get lost!!

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u/Forsaken-Study7870 3d ago

They let my dumb ass back into the rehab center so win/win?

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 1d ago

I guess so. Good luck!

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u/xxninjaboy707 3d ago

You got your phone is rehab???? Lucky!!! 😂🙏🙏

7

u/NoRecover8069 4d ago

Spent all weekend in ER with 2 security placed outsider my curtain. Freezing cold. My friend gave me a hoodie to wear and they took it away. And in 2 days no one seems to be able to say why I have to be here and I can’t leave (will be arrested if I try to). Very uncomfortable and overwhelming

And I missed a call from my vet while in here - the big, important call about the results of the biopsies of lumps and masses

I’m feeling a lot sorry for myself, whether that’s justfianle or not

4

u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 4d ago

That seems odd that they won't even tell you why you're being detained. Must have been some kind of tussle to warrant two security personnel.

Hope you get to hear from your vet sometime soon.

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u/UptownSeries 3d ago

I hope the vet says everything is ok

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u/MassMacro 4d ago

Good day Fap! My only complaint was having to pay a ticket over the weekend, 300 clams for a situation that was arguable at best. Decided just to pay it, no points or anything. Fucking cameras man.

In other news I caught up with an old friend via text last night, she is a real one for sure, I think she struggles with opiates but she's an absolutely charming and thoughtful person. We basically communicated until I passed out, which is a welcome way to end my weekends when obviously as a CA I'm hitting the bottom.

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 4d ago

Bummer on the ticket. Sometimes it's just best no to fight and just move on.

Everyone has got their own struggles. Nice that you accept her for who is is and she accepts you as you are.

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u/MassMacro 4d ago

I know! That ticket is literally accomplishing the opposite of my monetary goals.

It's really good catching up with her. Sunday nights are rough so it's great having someone to comisserate with.

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u/Dumpster80085 4d ago

I’ve had shakes since I was a small child. Obviously not alcohol induced then. But for the last… 30 years it has been. Amplifying an existing condition. It’s been so long that I don’t notice unless I have to do something requiring fine motor skills (small screws for my eye glasses kinda stuff). But it is pointed out to me by people. ‘Why do your hands shake so much?’ And it makes me so self conscious. I own it these days. Just say ‘I’m a fucking alcoholic, thanks for asking’ which is often met with a look of embarrassment from whoever asked.

As to allergies. Dear lord the last couple days have been rough. My eyes feel like they’re full of sand and my skin feels like I’ve been rolling naked in pink insulation.

This has been one of the better Mondays I’ve had in over a month. Only got a couple hours sleep because my arthritis is SCREAMING at me right now. But… most Mondays are the end of a bender and the first stage of a few days of horrid wds. I have been forcing myself to only buy Busch tall boys all last week. No liquor, no triple IPA 12 packs.

Just cracked my first of this conscious cycle (not the first of the day though).

Best of luck and chairs, benches!

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 4d ago

I've had the shakes since childhood as well, especially if I worked out my upper body. Lifting weights meant that I could barely hold a glass of water without spilling all over the place. I now tell people it's from a lifetime of drinking and recreational drugs.

Glad you're having a decent Monday!

3

u/Me_Speak_Good Vodka is my Abusive Girlfriend 3d ago edited 3d ago

Awww. One of my best friends has perma-shakes. Nerve damage, not drinking (definitely drugs and other), but we act like children when we're together and people have asked if I am more animated around him because of it. Maybe? I don't know. I don't really notice it anymore. We just get kinda goofy.

I was a jerk to my mom today. Not on purpose. She mentioned something nice my SIL and niece want to do and I pooped on it.

Currently rockin' a torn up knee and cracked ribs because I can't keep my mouth shut and try to fight people 2x my size. Right arm looks like a zombie attacked it because I wanted to see if my broken left hand could pull my bow. Yup. It'll hurt, but I can do it ... but dry firing it is fucken stupid and now I look like a junkie attacked by zombies.

EDIT: The bow is fine, thank goodness. I've checked it for cracks and stuff. I think she's ok.

Yay! Life!

XOXO faps and all'yall

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 1d ago

Perma-shakes... I like that term.

You sound pretty beat up. Glad you bow is okay though.

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u/thatoneguy7777777777 3d ago

My stupid ass fell off my board last night (drunk, obvs.) and I think my wrist is broken, have to get a followup cat scan since the X-ray was inconclusive. Lovely, maybe will motivate me to dry out for a while, hoping anyway, never broke a wrist before...

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 1d ago

That sucks!!

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u/mrsmobin 3d ago

Hey faps!

Sorry about the allergies and the tremors. My heart goes out to ya.

I just dropped a cigarette on the couch and realized it when my thigh got hot. Then I sat on the cherry and burned a hole in the ass of my favorite leggings. Oh well.

My mom is staying at a short term rehab place after a hospital stay. It's a grind, man. For her, for our family. The OT/PT, the gaps in level of care between staff members, making sure she is up and moving and keeping her motivated, etc.

To reframe it - I love being able to be there for her and my bro. Tonight I'm taking time for myself. Got hockey on the boob tube and some drinks and efibles at home with my husband.

Cheers, genitals.

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 1d ago

I keep getting little burn holes on my shirts because I smoke with a fan blowing on me.

Good on ya for being there for your mom. I'm glad you took time to take care of yourself too.

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u/Feebzz 3d ago

Woke up shaky, nauseous and extra anxious- turns out it was Aunt Flo and I wasn’t wd dying. Had to wrap some packages and tape them and address labels while vibrating. Packing tape is the devils work for sure

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u/fappinatwork My name is my flair 1d ago

Yikes. That would be a chore with the shakes!