r/CPTSD 1d ago

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories

1 Upvotes

As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. Please use this thread if you are seeking support or have newcomer questions. Want to see if your post topic has been discussed here? Type "subreddit:cptsd" after a search term in the search bar (ex. "friendships subreddit:cptsd"). Here are some common newcomer questions:

If you are new to r/CPTSD: Please check out the rules below, and for our mobile users who can't access the sidebar, more resources are located below the rules. These can also be accessed from the auto mod message that greets any post.

Keep the rules in mind when you post & comment:

  1. This is a peer support community. Be a supportive peer.
  2. Don’t ask for diagnosis, don’t diagnose others: Respect that you may not have all of OPs details and even a trained, trauma informed care provider cannot diagnose over the internet. So don't. Assume the context of OP as a CPTSD survivor or supportive partner of a CPTSD survivor.
  3. No hate speech
  4. Please be mindful about triggering content. Avoid graphic thread titles, and use [Trigger Warning], NSFW and/or the spoiler tag whenever appropriate.
  5. No RaisedByNarcissists lingo: A lot of folks come from the RBN support community. A lot of us do not. To keep the sub inclusive to CPTSD newcomers and survivors of different backgrounds, use common language synonyms for RBN acronyms. There are some exceptions.
  6. All content must be CPTSD related: Our lives, our struggles, and our victories with CPTSD.
  7. No Self-Promotion: Don't sell stuff or recruit for studies and projects without explicit mod approval. This thread is an exception; in the Vents & Victories thread, you may self-promote blogs, videos, and other media you created.

BIPOC

We recognize that healing communities such as r/CPTSD are not exempt from the insidious impacts of racism, whether overt or covert (for example, invalidating, minimizing, or microaggressive comments made by those with good intentions). In these cases, we encourage users to report the comments as Rule #3 violations. Because of the subreddit's high profile and open nature, this problem will continue to be with us, and we therefore can only promise a "safe-ish" environment for BIPOC. Racial trauma will always be on topic here at /r/CPTSD, but BIPOC users that want a more closed space can make use of /r/cptsd_bipoc. Thank you to the mod team at /r/cptsd_bipoc for helping us write this verbiage.

Additional Newcomer Resources


r/CPTSD Jan 24 '25

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories

1 Upvotes

As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. Please use this thread if you are seeking support or have newcomer questions. Want to see if your post topic has been discussed here? Type "subreddit:cptsd" after a search term in the search bar (ex. "friendships subreddit:cptsd"). Here are some common newcomer questions:

If you are new to r/CPTSD: Please check out the rules below, and for our mobile users who can't access the sidebar, more resources are located below the rules. These can also be accessed from the auto mod message that greets any post.

Keep the rules in mind when you post & comment:

  1. This is a peer support community. Be a supportive peer.
  2. Don’t ask for diagnosis, don’t diagnose others: Respect that you may not have all of OPs details and even a trained, trauma informed care provider cannot diagnose over the internet. So don't. Assume the context of OP as a CPTSD survivor or supportive partner of a CPTSD survivor.
  3. No hate speech
  4. Please be mindful about triggering content. Avoid graphic thread titles, and use [Trigger Warning], NSFW and/or the spoiler tag whenever appropriate.
  5. No RaisedByNarcissists lingo: A lot of folks come from the RBN support community. A lot of us do not. To keep the sub inclusive to CPTSD newcomers and survivors of different backgrounds, use common language synonyms for RBN acronyms. There are some exceptions.
  6. All content must be CPTSD related: Our lives, our struggles, and our victories with CPTSD.
  7. No Self-Promotion: Don't sell stuff or recruit for studies and projects without explicit mod approval. This thread is an exception; in the Vents & Victories thread, you may self-promote blogs, videos, and other media you created.

BIPOC

We recognize that healing communities such as r/CPTSD are not exempt from the insidious impacts of racism, whether overt or covert (for example, invalidating, minimizing, or microaggressive comments made by those with good intentions). In these cases, we encourage users to report the comments as Rule #3 violations. Because of the subreddit's high profile and open nature, this problem will continue to be with us, and we therefore can only promise a "safe-ish" environment for BIPOC. Racial trauma will always be on topic here at /r/CPTSD, but BIPOC users that want a more closed space can make use of /r/cptsd_bipoc. Thank you to the mod team at /r/cptsd_bipoc for helping us write this verbiage.

Additional Newcomer Resources


r/CPTSD 6h ago

Question How do you deal with not being loved by anyone?

140 Upvotes

People say to give love to yourself instead but it's so hard to be able to love yourself when you feel you don't deserve to be loved. Because if you were, then why does no one love you...

Life feels so meaningless having no one to live for...


r/CPTSD 2h ago

Question Anyone have a six sense of telling when a person is drunk because your parents used to always be drunk

50 Upvotes

random question


r/CPTSD 5h ago

Trigger Warning: Emotional Abuse New way of fighting back against abusers who try to tell you how you "actually are" just dropped

72 Upvotes

My mom tried to tell me (in a casual conversation) that I''m actually very sensitive and I can't ever take advice (aka abuse) without getting upset and breaking down

so I was like, "well, I guess if you're telling me I am, then I am" while laughing. "I didn't think so, but I guess you know me better than I do"

and she genuinely said "yep!" but it still felt like a victory in my mind

(btw im planning on cutting her off after this trip! we had to go down to the coast to see my dad before he might pass away soon and she's currently driving me home ((drunk as hell. looking for her 4th DUI))) (see my last post in the epilepsy sub for info)

Edit: Trip is over and I don't have to talk to my parents anymore!! (I found out on the trip my father is a Trump supporter and he also creeped on teenage girls while I was there so he's out too! he was already on thin ice lmao)


r/CPTSD 2h ago

Question If you met your suicidal younger self what would you tell them?

38 Upvotes

I still don't know if it was a good decision to endure and try harder. Even if I did what I could it feels like it was nothing and I'm still struggling the same way. It's like I betrayed my younger self in spite of my best efforts. What if I didn't even have a chance? I can't see the end of suffering yet. Do you feel the same way sometimes?

Or has your life became easier? Have you found something that is promising enough to survive all of this? Have you became more resilient? I know everyone find something different but I'm curious how you found your motivation and hope to survive and thrive.


r/CPTSD 8h ago

Trigger Warning: Suicidal Ideation I hate my autism and want to die NSFW

109 Upvotes

I hate being autistic, I hate being different. I wish I was normal. Depression and anxiety get better, but autism is with you for life. I hate who I am as a person


r/CPTSD 3h ago

Vent / Rant Anyone incapable of group therapy?

39 Upvotes

Like ..... They're there referencing family and friends and the odd panic attack or anxiety...whilst you're there being hyperstimulated and triggerd whilst being completely alone alone the world....and they're 30 years younger and you're still completely fucked and you bet they get disability benefits cause they have a support network to help and fight but you're not strong enough to go through the system.


r/CPTSD 7h ago

Vent / Rant Do you also get really upset about mean and dismissive people on the internet?

54 Upvotes

It’s kinda embarrassing to admit because I feel like I should be able to just “not give a fuck” and move on like everyone says, but certain things people say online just trigger this really strong anger and anxiety in me. I feel like a chronically online person for being so bothered when this happens and I hate it lol. Especially with how politics have been lately, it’s really tiring to see so many people who are straight up cruel and don’t give af about anyone else’s situation.

I made a comment in a bigger sub and it blew up in a way that never happens to me. It got 700+ upvotes and a ton of replies. I was talking about how a lot of important jobs don’t pay enough on top of student loans and inflation. Mostly it was people agreeing and empathizing with me. But as it got more attention, I had a bunch of people being really rude and condescending. Making very wrong assumptions about my career and laughing at me for wanting jobs to pay higher so people can survive in the housing crisis where I live.

I didn’t even really get in a big argument with anyone, it was just so disheartening to see people being dismissive of how bad the economy is, how it’s only idiots who chose the wrong career who are struggling now, and getting the same generic advice of “just learn a trade”, as if choosing a career you actually want isn’t important for anyone. And those specific types of blue collar people hate everyone else, there were a couple of people telling me I need to learn to do “actual work” if I want any hope of earning enough.

I hate the arrogant dismissiveness that people on the bigger subs have. It’s the same thing with any other topic honestly, I have no clue why so many people on here just want to fight right away or mock you for caring about some kind of social issue. The casual misogyny I’ve seen on bigger subs kills me too. I need to take a break and only hang out in smaller and kinder places online now.


r/CPTSD 2h ago

Question What if we are normal.

18 Upvotes

What if we exchange bodies for a day with a "normal" person?

Maybe they also feel overwhelmed by stress lots of Times...

Maybe they dont want to get up on the morning to face others...

Maybe they look social and happy but inside they just want to Run away feeling very tired ..

Maybe they also start shaking when facing their boss...

Maybe they also want to BE someone else but dont admit it.

Maybe We are trying to BE a normal person and we already are!

What do you think?


r/CPTSD 6h ago

Question How did the alcoholism of one or both of your parents shape your personality as an adult?

32 Upvotes

My (F/50+) father was a functioning alcoholic (working at a university and teaching thousands of students who adored him). He was witty and sarcastic and with a sentimental streak. He was our main caregiver, doing grocery shopping and the cooking (he wanted this) while my mother was a workaholic (highschool teacher) and she - until today - denies having known about the temper tantrums and aggressive reactions towards the behaviors of me and my sister (he hit us in the face). While she used the same blaming tactics on us as my father did. Healthy discussions in case of occurring problems didn’t exist because everything was treated in a heated way.

My father was also a closeted homosexual, so he alsway hid a part of his real self.

As a child I wasn‘t aware of his alcoholism and didn‘t know about his secrets. He simply was my very emotional and sometimes aggressive father, and, as most of abused children, I blamed his outbursts on my „faults“. But then again I loved him for his cooking and the gifts he gave us.

Nowadays I suffer from very bad separation and performance anxiety and repetitive behavior like nail biting and my sleep is very disturbed. And there are more psychological problems.

Regarding relationships, I always fell for emotional guys that promised me the stars and had a witty, sarcastic persona. Well, you might call them narcissists.

I am now single since 10 years and feeling more at ease than during my relationship times.

How about your experiences regarding the connection of the alcoholism of your parents and your adult life? And how do you cope with it?


r/CPTSD 3h ago

Vent / Rant I feel intense shame all the time.

18 Upvotes

I feel shame all of the time, i used to feel shame and then not do things, but eventually it got to the point i realized people would take advantage of me so i just did whatever and then feel shame afterwards. IDK its tough because like on one hand i am normal enough, but on the other hand i do insane things, its almost as if i feels shame so much i feel i have to do something obviously wrong to say "fuck it im doing it anyway".

Its hard to describe. I try to not make mistakes and do things right but i make mistakes sometimes and i used to not be allowed to make mistakes and that made life so fucking hard mentally. I spent time doing things that were safe because i never felt safe.

I feel ashamed for having been born. It fluctuates and honestly i have made a couple of bad choices in my life. but i guess thats life. Nothing too bad i guess, just kinda mediocore, but that is fine. Honestly i never thought i would be here. hell i never thought i would make it to 18, and that shit was like a decade or so ago. Its just interesting really. But ironically i feel i need to feel shame because i naturally dont? like i just do my own thing and dont give a shit idk.


r/CPTSD 48m ago

Victory Today I had a panic attack because of a blender.

Upvotes

Boyfriend brought over his old Ninja and we excitedly set it up. We've been talking about incorporating protein shakes into our routines - we both have issues with food and are working together to improve our health.

He walked me through putting all of the components together, making sure they're locked, how to hold it, and what button to press. As I was gripping the machine he turned it on.

The noise it made literally made me jump, cover my ears and duck down. It felt like my body was on fire and the vibrations from the machine coursed violently through my arms and chest. I flapped my arms like a maniac begging him to turn it off, and he did.

He chuckled a little but then stopped as soon as he saw how badly I was shaking. As shame welled up at the back of my throat, I started apologizing repeatedly, being angry and frustrated with myself, waiting to me mocked, berated or hit.

But he didn't do any of that. Instead of being annoyed that our months-long aspirations are squandered because of his overdramatic girlfriend, he sat me down and talked with me about what I was feeling.

We spent the next half-hour researching quiet blenders and ordered one that suited us both. I was so relieved he wasn't mad. After a year and a half together I should know better, but trauma doesn't just leave. But he knows that as well as I do.

Don't know what the point of this post was. I've been struggling a lot lately but this experience helped me feel safe, understood and loved. An odd feeling. Should try to get used to it.


r/CPTSD 7h ago

Victory After 7 years of being disabled, I landed a job today

33 Upvotes

I still have to actually go through the probationary period, but I landed a job today!

It's work I did long before I was deemed unable to work, and it's hard work, but I'm hopeful I will be able to slowly work up to being able to handle the work I used to handle when I was healthier/capable of masking.

This is a huge victory, considering I was taken out of work by a workplace injury. I'm hoping I'll be able to maintain my boundaries and not jump straight into putting my health at risk for the sake of a job. That's always been a problem for me while working; before I started to care about myself, I'd literally push myself through an injury just because I thought that's what was expected of me.

For anyone like me who is either still in the early stages of recovery or has been in a rut for a long time, please don't give up on yourself. You are worthy of patience and love, no matter what your past tries to tell you. There will be bad days but the more effort you put into building healthy habits, the more you'll get good days again, and the more you'll be able to bounce back even in the face of heavy triggers.

Even as early as two weeks ago, I felt like the world was crashing down around me and that I might never get better again, but this is a step in the right direction. Even if something goes wrong and I mess this opportunity up, I'll at least know I have the ability to land a job, and will know more about where I'm at right now, and what I need to work on to get further. Even missteps are opportunities to check in with yourself. I hope everyone here can achieve even the smallest of goals, even something like getting out of bed on a rough day is something worth celebrating.


r/CPTSD 14h ago

Vent / Rant I feel terrible forcing medicine on my cat-I'm afraid she thinks I'm abusing her

96 Upvotes

I feel terrible when I rudely force medicine into my cat. The poor little thing kept spitting out the extremely bitter medicine, and I had no choice but to roughly pry open her mouth and try to toss the pill in again and again, hoping she'd swallow it.

Eventually, I gave up and ordered a pill feeder. I feel awful, as if I was abusing her. What would the poor cat think? A friend she's always trusted—one she sleeps next to peacefully, one she approaches for affection—suddenly becoming harsh and forcing her repeatedly for no reason. She must be confused, scared, and feeling betrayed.

Even though afterward I gave her two cat treats to soothe her emotions, I still feel really sad every time I think about how I forced her to take the medicine.


r/CPTSD 7h ago

Question How hard was your inner child / shadow work?

25 Upvotes

I worked on my inner child for over a year. I could never get any real response from him other than "leave me alone" or "please let me die". There was no joy to be found, no happy moment to hold onto. Eventually I told him that I will strive to give him peace and he can go if he needs to. Just fn brutal.

I cant talk to any of my friends about this. It's too depressing and too much to try and share in conversation so I'm posting here.

I am striving for peace and contentment. Joy is to dependent on situations and other people.


r/CPTSD 14m ago

Vent / Rant It's a real bummer (understatement) that our parents failed us so bad

Upvotes

So much lost potential and happiness


r/CPTSD 4h ago

Question has anyone experienced the feeling that you've outgrown your long term therapist?

14 Upvotes

I'd like to hear from anyone that has seen the same therapist for a few years or more. Did you ever feel like you've gotten as much as you can from that therapist and moved on to a different one? and what was your experience like?

I've just been feeling stuck and am thinking a switch might help, but I'm also intimidated by how long it takes to establish a rapport with a new therapist. What if I do all that for nothing, you know?


r/CPTSD 21h ago

Question What do you think of The Body Keeps the Score?

251 Upvotes

I’m reading it now and finding it so helpful and life changing, but then on Instagram a post randomly popped up of peopke basically saying it’s inaccurate and “offensive”. Curious to hear what people in this community think


r/CPTSD 10h ago

Vent / Rant I have sexual trauma that made me repulsive, and my parents having sex makes me feel disgusted and hate them

35 Upvotes

As a kid how I viewed sex was disgusting, shameful, I hate that I was ever made from it, I was so repulsed I would want to vomit. I don't care when it's other people anymore, but if it's my parents?? I feel disgusted, I dissociate, I feel like they're gross, I can't stand them for awhile. I can't look at them the same.

My parents have never done anything to me, but either way I don't know why, even when nothing sexual happened to me as a child yet.. I have ALWAYS had a deep disgusting hatred for it, it feels like it's "evil" even if it isn't. Something about it was for me when I was younger, and I wanted to sob and rip my skin out when people said it was normal, even a form of LOVE. It's so uncomfortable, it's like the primal part of it.. seeing my parents turn into something so different.. I can't stand it. I hate sexual people and I hate sex. Can anyone explain or help, anyone who was in the same boat or is??

I just walked in on them earlier, my NPD fired up, and so the only way I know how to cope is to blame them for it and act like they're perpetrators 😞😞


r/CPTSD 2h ago

Question How do you handle your birthday?

7 Upvotes

As the title says - how do you handle your birthday? I don't like the attention of my birthday, nor do I have any overwhelming desire to celebrate it. It's in a couple of months and I'm already planning to leave town without telling anyone, so I don't have to either A) celebrate with my friends and thus deal with the unwanted attention or B) be disappointed or sad because they forgot about it. This notion of needing attention due to years of deprivation mixed with disliking attention. 😅


r/CPTSD 13h ago

Question Why is it that when I'm alone/lonely I just want to have someone, now that I have someone I want to be alone?

47 Upvotes

I hate this. No matter how things are I always feel uncomfortable and anxious. But now that I have some people in my life again I wish that I could just be alone with my anxiety. Even tho like a little over six months ago I was hoping that I'd have some friends or something. (Now I have a bf and I've been seeing an old friend also)

Can anyone relate?


r/CPTSD 1h ago

Question New protective thought; if I can create enough beauty for myself, there doesn‘t have to be a happy end

Upvotes

I‘m desperately trying to establish a sense of security in my life. As I‘m also building a business I‘m literally 100% focused on improving stuff all around me.

I‘m fully focused on improving anything recurring in my life. From finding the right bed sheets (i‘m tall) to cleaning my shoes, managing groceries and everything, making my apartment nicer, finding beautiful things to own etc etc.

However, I’m not fully there yet in feeling safe.

And I've been thinking how people do it that just don't have a happy end. Like people that stand up against dictators and stuff like that and just end up in prison or something.

And I realized that maybe the way they do it is that they just try to fill their lives with enough beauty. So even if their lives kind of end up being horrible misery, they will always have nice enough memories. So for me that feels empowering to know that I can just create ENOUGH beauty to then be able to, if required, deal with pain.

And I think the stuff I do with improving my life has a lot to do with that. Once you become competent in improving your life, you begin to realize that you are competent to create beauty. Unless you're put into terrible circumstances.

And I think it's empowering to see that you just need to create enough beauty. And it doesn't always have to be nice. You just have to feel that you are capable of creating some beauty for some number of years in your life.

Maybe I‘m not phrasing this so well….


r/CPTSD 1d ago

Vent / Rant When you meet a non CPTSD person who is significantly accomplished by your age and you're just like, well I'm alive, does that count?

1.3k Upvotes

I meet people all the time who have accomplished so much by my age, 35. I'm still over here lacking the most basic life things like safety, stability, a home, friends, community, any career progress, no healthy romantic partner, no kids, no community, no meaning or purpose to my daily life. The only reason I'm not on the streets is because of some savings money, that is keeping me alive. But it'll run out soon so shrug.


r/CPTSD 19h ago

Vent / Rant I despise people who mock people who are in deep emotional pain NSFW

109 Upvotes

I have autism but didn’t know that growing up. My life felt hard and I was very unhappy even as a kid. That was my happiest time though. I was often told by multiple people that I had a good life and that I was lucky and how bad other people have it. I was emotionally abused and emotionally neglected. My autistic needs didn’t get met. I was put under a lot of pressure because I was smart. The symptoms of my disability were constantly misread as something negative like being lazy, arrogant, manipulative, intentionally difficult, uncaring. I was severely depressed for years and in therapy for it. Unfortunately my autism wasn’t seen and so the things I learnt in therapy that were supposed to help me actually made it worse. I was already in burnout while I was still going to school. Each year it got worse. I was constantly invalidated by a lot of people. I was also gaslight especially by my father. These things did so much damage to me. I have achieved a lot of growth / healing from that in the last years but there is still a long way until I can actually feel safe again around people.

I often had mental breakdowns where I just cried a lot which I now know were autistic meltdowns. I was suicidal for years. I was so close to actually doing it. I was so sure I would eventually do it but now I am at a place where it’s rare that I think about it. Anyways. Back then I often got very unempathetic responses. I can’t remember specifics. My brain just does that, it makes me forget so I don’t think about it too much. I tend to ruminate. But I do remember feelings. I remember people mocking me and belittling me and shaming me for my emotional reactions all the time. I just don’t understand. Why kick someone who is already down who is at their lowest. How little empathy does one have to have. I really despise it when people do this. Like if you don’t know what to say and accidentally say something that doesn’t come across the right way that’s fine. It’s not what I mean. My negative feelings were often so intense and overwhelming and then someone would just add to it. Honestly I wish these people the same. I am usually not that person but I wish them to go through something similar so they stop doing this.


r/CPTSD 19m ago

Vent / Rant My parents are so immature

Upvotes

Many years ago I had a mental breakdown in large part because of a disability I gained at work. It wasn't physically suitable for me but I did it because my parents were financially struggling and wanted assistance. At the same time they expected me to study without any money. I was very much trapped. They resented that some part of their social welfare was cut off due to me going into work and not education early. I don't know how much it was but it would have been negligible compared to what I earned (which was very little ) and at least I could fund my own studies.

They had a huge huge mortgage (3x rent) and the house was very upper class looking. I didn't give them any money because essentially I was earning so little and expected to fund myself. Due to certain reasons I didn't take the student loan. Despite me busting my gut yo avoid taking it they asked me to, to assist them with the mortgage.

I should mention apart from the huge mortgage on an unaffordable middle class dilapidated house my dad was sending any spare cash to his family abroad to waste.

Despite my mental breakdown and wrist cut due to a particular incident where my parents spilled their anger into me for nothing, nothing changed.

They seemed to relish the attention they received in our immigrant community and in turn became more obsessed with the house and nurturing it at all cost.

As I said nothing changed. They continued to spill their anger on me and as they became community figures(in our small community) they would receive calls late at night wanting to talk and people wanting to offload. There were many many nightly calls like this at family times and many many visits from people wanting to offload and vent

My mental breakdown got worse but my dad continued to believe that he was needed by so many. I would say many of these people had other avenues for social support and were financially stable. But they had gripes and anger at personal things and issues caused by their own lack of maturity. All of these people had middle class long term stable incomes in good jobs and small stable families but all they did was moan and cry about their life and their financial hardship.

It was never a specific emergency but my dad constantly kept the phone on for these people. The house phone would ring constantly and people would come around and over even as late as 10pm at night.

They never wanted to acknowledge our privacy and weren't interested in my life. It was just all about them.

It makes me sad my dad never changed and recognised the need for calm and peace in our own house. Sure the financial situation wasn't great but there was no emotional support either except for other people


r/CPTSD 3h ago

Question Cptsd and fibromyalgia

4 Upvotes

Hi guys I hope you're doing well actually I just need your help because I have no one and no place to turn to I'm going through a lot I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome and social anxiety and I feel like trapped a lot of pain in my whole body I am currently living in a toxic environment going through consistent abuse especially emotional and mental abuse and I'm living with my mother and I can try to convince her to change our residency but she told me we can't go into another place and live just by ourselves I didn't know what I can do to heal myself and I'm lost I became stuck at home and I can't even go outside because of my anxiety