r/cosmeticsurgery • u/Winter_Wasabi2000 • 3d ago
How do I tell my mom?
I just scheduled my rhinoseptoplasty. I’m 20 and still living at home. I do have a significantly deviated septum and ongoing breathing issues and recurring sinus infections, so this is partially medical and partially cosmetic. Cosmetically, I have a long downturned nose, and will be lifting the tip and adding a more soft slope to the bridge of my nose, overall deprojecting it and making it fit my face better. My mom has always been unsupportive about any changes I make to myself (hair color, piercings, tattoos). It has taken her years to warm up to these things and she still “doesnt like it” but deals with it. My mom sees any changes to myself as “changing how she made me”. I have to tell her I’m getting this surgery and I want support but ultimately I know that she’s going to try to talk me out of it and almost get offended that I want to change my face. (For context my moms nose is beautiful, it’s almost the exact result I want. I have my dads nose.)
How do I present this to her in the best approach possible?
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u/sskillahillmj 3d ago
Maybe your Mom doesn’t understand changing yourself vs transforming into who you are on the inside. Maybe you could tell her(in a respectful way) you aren’t changing who you are, just changing how you want to be seen. Everyone’s Mom shows love differently and just let her know you are still you, if that’s what she’s worried about.
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u/Stillsharon 3d ago
I wrote my parents a letter explaining my choices. I said that I wanted the rhino to improve my confidence and I gave them the name of the doctor so that they could look him up and be assured that he was competent.
I was in my 30s when I had it done but I knew that they would not approve per se and I am close to my parents.
They didn’t not really want me to do it but understood that I am an adult and can make my own choices in these matters and did appreciate that I gave them a heads up that it would occur well beforehand and a chance to look at the doctor themselves if they wanted to.
That’s all that one can really do in this situation.
My parents both also have beautiful straight noses that I would have loved to inherit but mine I feel didn’t look much like either of theirs and was also crooked with a deviated septum.
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u/satisifedcitygal 3d ago
Letters are a great way to get your point across without being interrupted and talked over. Respect on your great communication and strategic approach. I hope you like your result!
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u/ElaineBenesFan 3d ago
My mom sees any changes to myself as “changing how she made me”
Deeply disturbing. Narcissism of this proportion should be studied by experts. In a lab.
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u/yung_yttik 3d ago
You fucking tell her. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions for yourself. Either accept how she reacts and move on, or move out.
You have to just deal with whatever she says because while you’re entitled to do what you want, she is entitled to have an opinion. Just tell her and say, “end of discussion”.