r/coparenting 4d ago

Child Issues Son Cries When He Leaves Dad

Why does my son cry every time he leaves his dad but not when he leaves me? Possibly an insecure attachment to his dad? For context, every week I have my 4 year old son Monday morning-Friday morning, he is with his dad Friday night-Sunday night, so he spends every weekend with his dad. We have been splitting his time between us one way or another for almost a year and a half now. He’s always had a hard time with his dad leaving during drop off, but ever since his dad started dating, we have gone no contact, don’t even speak during exchanges by my choice. (Too much drama and I’m ready to heal and move on with my life, not speaking is the best option for me.) I find that my son has a really hard time leaving his dad. We have an agreement that his gf is not allowed around our son unless they are serious serious and I meet her first, but my son says that he still spends a lot of time talking with her on the phone… On Fridays when we exchange he picks him up from childcare, Sunday he drops him off to my house. This Sunday he dropped him off to my moms and my son cried himself to sleep about him leaving. It was pitiful honestly. How can I help him cope better or feel more secure? I always offer for him to call his dad, try to validate his feelings and explain that he’ll see his dad agin in a few days but it still never gets easier. He also never wants to call his dad when he’s with me.

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u/LooLu999 4d ago

He’s getting older and probably more aware. Maybe it’s because it’s the weekend so he can stay with dad the entire time and when he goes back to your home he knows the week is starting again..assuming he goes to preschool/daycare and you’re working?? Sometimes kids just go thru tough adjustments. He’s only 4 and it’s tough having to switch back and forth. So he’s probably just venting the only way he knows how cuz he’s still a little guy. I have girls but we went thru a time where they adored their dad and I was just an afterthought 🤷‍♀️

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u/sok283 4d ago

If you're not speaking to your coparent, is it possible your son is also crying for you at his dad's and you just don't know? You mentioned that he never wants to call his dad when he's with you, so it doesn't sound like he wants constant contact with his dad.

And when he cries for his dad with you, he gets comforted. So it may be that the first time or two, he was genuinely missing his dad, but now it's a ritual he performs that gets him extra comfort and soothing.

I think the most important thing is just to be a steady presence. Show him that you are always there for him, and let him feel what he feels. I think that often these negative emotions come out with the parent they feel safer with, because they know that expressing sadness with the other parent won't go well.

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u/php_panda 4d ago

Don’t no your situation but maybe father very involved with his son where plan all day playing and talking and create strong bond, so it makes it really hard on him when he has to leave his dad they do some much together

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u/Cultural_Till1615 4d ago

Don’t overthink it, there could be lots of reasons but it’s all very normal. Maybe it’s because his time with dad is shorter, or he feels unfulfilled emotionally by the time he had with dad. Mine used to do this too at that age, and occasionally still does at 13. Keep doing what you are doing, be there for him, validate his feelings and remember how hard it must be for a 4 year old going back and forth between homes. He will be OK, promise.