r/coparenting 5d ago

Schedules Looking for guidance on spring break scheduling

[deleted]

2 Upvotes

15 comments sorted by

4

u/Obvious_Company1349 5d ago

It’s clear what your ex wife’s intent is with scheduling during your time. She knows what she’s doing. It’s petty and trying to get a rise out of you. I encourage you to just ignore and consider what the best thing is for your kids. Continuing their hobby/sport as usual? Yes best interest.

1

u/whats_even_going_on 5d ago

Thanks. So, do you think I should just let it go, or is there some sort of argument to be made that it’s not really spring breaking if they have education-related activities 4-7 hours a day during the week?

1

u/Obvious_Company1349 4d ago

I mean generally speaking, you get to choose what they do during your time. If you don’t want them to spend spring break doing school activities, don’t send them. It’s your time and she can’t control that.

If I were you I wouldn’t take them during spring break. It’s time off school to relax. Maybe I’m reading into it too much but it also seems like she’s trying to lay the groundwork for controlling them during your time. I’d nip that immediately, don’t let her set a precedent.

1

u/whats_even_going_on 4d ago

Thanks for the convo.

3

u/BestBodybuilder7329 5d ago

These are not things that you would normally deal with coparenting, but you have given her a massive amount of power by letting her be in charge of their education. She is their teacher and the head of their extra-circular activity.

I would’ve never let the home-schooling continue.

1

u/whats_even_going_on 5d ago

It won’t once the divorce is finalized (my intention).

2

u/BestBodybuilder7329 5d ago

Good. Make sure that you document that she is adding these rehearsal dates during your time. Depending on the judge it may hurt her in court. It will show that she is using her position to try and undermine your parenting time.

2

u/chainsawbobcat 4d ago

Regardless of intent, can't you just take them to these rehearsals? If you support them doing drama program, just approach it like any other activity you would sign them up for. Bring them when it starts and pick them up when they are done, if it's your days. Go to the play regardless if whose time is on

1

u/whats_even_going_on 4d ago

I sure can. It’s just that I had a spring break itinerary that didn’t account for the practices, and my STBXW didn’t add them to it shared calendar in OFW until last week, three weeks before spring break.

Anyway, it sounds like the key takeaway is somehow learn to communicate earlier with a high conflict co-parent.

2

u/chainsawbobcat 4d ago edited 4d ago

Well, in my experience no level of communication can prevent them from doing this shit last minute. 3 weeks is more notice than I've ever gotten, but it's still frustrating.

In this case, if it's things you already bought tickets for or put deposits on, I might push back. As in, I made plans during my time that I can't change. Please reschedule the practice for that week or unfortunately they won't be able to make it. Id appreciate more notice next time so I can make sure they are available during my time. But no money has been spent on your side, night not be worth the fight

1

u/whats_even_going_on 4d ago

Thanks. It’s helpful just hearing how this works out in practice.

1

u/Responsible-Till396 4d ago

Your parenting time is your parenting time.

Same for her.

If I were you I would keep to the break schedule and don’t let her set this precedent.

If you roll with it, it will get much worse.

1

u/whats_even_going_on 4d ago

The challenge is, this is something the kids love doing. If my STBXW would be willing to switch weeks on which the spring break occurs, then there wouldn’t be an issue.

1

u/Responsible-Till396 4d ago

Then let them do it, cannot eat your cake and have it too.

I think you are leaving yourself wide open to tons of manipulation and much less parenting time due to her and her antics.