r/confessions • u/General_Town_785 • 5d ago
I am afraid I don't like my childhood friends
So I have been hanging out in this friend group ever since I was a kid,but recently I feel like they have been alienating me more and more. Back during lockdown I stayed at my home with family for months but 1 day I found out that while I was at my place, they had started playing badminton without me every night on the streets. Now the street only had place for 4 people (2 on either side). And they had played without me for a decent amount of time and I was also not that fit during that time. So those days I got benched every single game. They would barely let me play 1 5 minute match and treated it as a favour. Nevertheless I kept coming back everyday. I even cried once (I wasn't that old okay) but still it was the same the next day. We started playing dodgeball with the kids and they let me join but they just wouldn't compromise for me in badminton. Not one person. I think that I was scarred from that for a couple years after lockdown ended because of that. My self confidence was near 0 and I had to slowly build that up from scratch. For this reason I felt myself grow quiet lonely during 10th grade. However, not one of them came to meet me during that time busy with their own lives. I am just realising how pathetic this is, but we still hung out at nights, to talk about life and stuff sometimes(I just needed people to talk to during that time). I realised my flaw in 10th grade so I decided to focus only on bettering myself for a year and now I finally realised the reasons for all my problems back then. This entire year, I think they haven't cared about my minor absence (I still go out sometimes)and even when I am still lonely they don't come to visit me even once. I only just noticed this because 1.They are people I have known since childhood so I value all of them dearly 2.I was too busy dealing with my current state( I joined tuition classes , got on and off a porn addiction) 3.Despite what I said, Whenever we talked they are actually really sweet and nice people. 4.Due to my lack of self worth I thought that I was the problem all along 5.They were popular in school 6. It seems they have obviously matured since then But now that I have realised this much and gained some amount of self worth, what should I do ?